Today on Dear Sybersue, I discuss the topic sent in by a YouTube subscriber: How to Resolve Conflict in Argumentative Partnerships
Question: My Partner is Argumentative While I Avoid Relationship Conflict. How do we make our relationship work?
A couple living in this type of relationship lives in constant turmoil because they are seldom on the same page. It is difficult for any conflict to get resolved when the communication style is at opposite ends in a relationship. This is a big problem as the partnership progresses if “couple’s counseling” isn’t sought out.
1. Sometimes we all just need professional guidance that can give us neutral and unbiased feedback.
It’s not easy for everyone to open up and express their feelings in a vulnerable manner. However, professional counseling is always worth the time invested. It can help save your partnership. It is always a good idea to have a few solo appointments. This helps you feel comfortable and gain trust with the therapist. Additionally, it allows them to understand you as an individual and see you without any influence from your partner.
You don’t always see how your behavior affects your loved ones because you’ve been living this way for so long. It may have started back in your childhood, watching your parents interact in their own marriage. Being stuck in a certain mindset can create bigger issues. You need to understand where your beliefs were derived from.
A mediator can help you both in just a few therapy sessions and give you clarity. It helps you understand what is causing this unbalanced situation in your relationship. I understand it is not easy for everyone to air their private feelings to a stranger. However, it is very rewarding when you do the work. This lets you evolve to a higher place of love with your partner.
2. It is so important to understand how you got to this place of disconnect within your partnership.
Have the relationship dynamics always been this way, or have things changed over time between you. Why does one person shut down while the other is argumentative? Is there a control situation happening here? A power struggle in a partnership can cause the other person to close off and pull away. Some people feel it is better to walk away from their partner than to engage in repetitive negativity.
Are your general beliefs and core values in different places as a couple? Opposites attract, but it’s very difficult to stay together if you don’t really understand each other. As a couple, you need to appreciate each other’s choices and viewpoints. You also need to compromise a little at the same time. You should also be on the same reciprocated page when it comes to prioritizing your relationship goals.
3. If you truly love each other, don’t wait too long. Acknowledge there is a problem and get some help.
Conflict just gets worse over time if it is left to fester. It does not just go away on its own. Be open to counseling before things escalate and can’t be resolved. It’s really just a matter of changing up “old internal dialogue” that is keeping you stuck.
We all have things that are embedded in our thoughts. It is similar to the cache history on your internet browser. You need to clear it out regularly. This prevents your computer from getting cluttered with old files which can be damaging.
Work to dilute any past drama from your memory. This will let you both live in peace. Avoid letting bullheaded mindsets rule your life. You were attracted to each other for a reason. It is worth doing whatever you can to salvage the love between you. Regular words of encouragement from both of you will help immensely. We all want to feel validated and appreciated in our partnerships.
4. There are many videos, self-help books, and relationship tools out there to keep your partnership in a healthy place.
Don’t let stubbornness be the reason your relationship fizzles out. There is so much you can both do to save the love that originally brought you together. Don’t walk away without exhausting every possible option available to enhance the communication within your partnership.
You should at least try to fix things within this situation. Otherwise, you will just take these issues with you into the next partnership. It is always worth investing the time to be the best version of yourself. Never stop finding ways to evolve and own the lessons you are here to learn in this lifetime. It is very rewarding and offers much-needed harmony to your world.
*Please watch the video above to see what else you can do that can help you to communicate on a much better level with your partner.
Sybersue xo
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