Thanks for visiting Dear Sybersue. Today I discuss this question from a male client. How Do I Get My Possessive Girlfriend to Back Off?
Occasionally when someone is really attached to their partner they can take things too far and come across as overly possessive and even somewhat controlling. This is often due to rooted insecurities that keep them clinging on tightly because they have a deep fear of losing them.
What are some of the reasons why your girlfriend could be possessive?
- She may have had a really bad breakup in the past that has left her with trust scars.
- Her life may not be in a good place with her career or personal goals which can cause her self-esteem to feel challenged.
- She could have some difficult childhood issues she is still dealing with. Abandonment, abuse or other hurtful memories.
- Something has changed within your partnership that you might be aware of.
- There could some hormonal changes that are affecting her self-worth.
Quite often when we don’t feel secure within ourselves we look for support and comfort from our partner.
Unfortunately, in your case, this causes discomfort in you, because you feel smothered by her possessiveness. A couple needs to have some space from each other and the freedom to do things outside of their relationship without feeling that they are upsetting one another. It is healthy and very important to have other interests and friendships that don’t always include your partner.
You are right to question things and you should be upfront with her about how you are feeling right now. She may be going through something that is making her feel really insecure, so please take a gentle approach when discussing this with her.
Sometimes when people aren’t happy in their own life, they depend on their partner to be their “whole” life.
If her possessiveness isn’t dealt with and corrected, over time it could put your partnership in jeopardy. If she is willing to go to counseling that would show you she wants to fix the problem and make things better. I would advise that you join her for a few sessions so the therapist can see how you interact together. There could be something you are both doing that has changed the dynamics of your relationship.
Make sure that you’re not overly busy and so immersed in your own life that you don’t have much time for her. There definitely needs to be a balance so be aware if things have shifted with your workload, your hobbies, or nights out with the boys. She may feel you are pulling away from her by not prioritizing the time you spend with her.
You both need to discuss what your relationship expectations and goals consist of.
You may be on completely different paths with what is important in a partnership, which will cause a lot of disruption and mixed signals being sent out. This will definitely bring an ongoing friction in your everyday life together.
You can’t fix your partner but you can talk about the problems that are occurring in your relationship and try to work on them together. Compromise is a big part of communication and should not be overlooked. You met each other for a reason and something attracted you towards each other. It is worth putting in the energy to get to the bottom of what is going on.
Whether things have changed between the two of you recently or there has always been a possessive behavior from your partner, it definitely needs to be addressed. Feeling stuck in a suffocating partnership is not a healthy place to be. No one wants or deserves to be living in this type of partnership.
If she is not comprehending that her possessive behavior is becoming a big issue between the two of you, then you may have to eventually make the difficult decision to end things. People change and you don’t always evolve together as a couple.
It is important to understand that you both need to nurture the love in your relationship because it takes two people to make or break a partnership.There is no room for possessive or controlling behavior when things are in a happy and respectful place.
Thank you so much for stopping by Sybersue today! Please leave your comments below! Have you ever had to deal with a possessive partner and how did you handle the situation?
Sybersue xo <3
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