Dear Sybersue,
What should I do when someone I’ve been dating only wants to see me once every 3 weeks? We are not in a long-distance relationship, so this is not the reason we don’t get together more often. We actually live fairly close to each other, which is another reason I find this whole thing strange.
He is great when we meet up. He treats me well. But once he leaves to go home, I question things each time! I am starting to feel uncomfortable that it’s turning into a booty call situation, and I certainly don’t feel like I am much of a priority to him.
I’m not sure how to approach this now as it has been going on for 3 months. How do I even start the conversation?
Thank you, Ellie
Dear Ellie,
I understand why you are questioning this situation. I am happy to hear you are fully aware that you are not his priority right now. That is the first step to making changes. You are not feeling as respected as you should after 3 months. You don’t call him your boyfriend. This tells me you haven’t talked about being in an exclusive relationship with each other.
Dating someone who is always the one in control of when you see each other gets old pretty quickly. It is always important to have some boundaries that work for you. You are a part of this dating equation, meaning your time is just as important as his time. It’s not just about what works for him. Unfortunately, allowing him to call all the shots early on in your new relationship sets an unhealthy precedent that only suits his needs.
Let’s talk about what may be going on.
You have permitted this arrangement to continue, which makes him think you are totally on board with it all. I am sure that is also why you are apprehensive. You are a little nervous to bring up the conversation after this 3-month time frame. You may also be afraid that he will walk away when you verbalize your concerns. This fear is why you haven’t said anything thus far.
You obviously like this guy. Otherwise, you would have walked away before this. I want you to ask yourself why you are in this one-sided situation. It is not making you feel very special. Furthermore, you are concerned that this relationship has become a booty call liaison each time you get together. I do agree that it sounds like you have been put into this category.
I want you to be true to yourself and understand the reality of what is transpiring here.
He is not being deceitful with you. He is merely doing what he is allowed to do here. There has been no discussion stating otherwise. If he is invested in having a committed connection with you, Ellie, he would want to see you more often. Once every 3 weeks is not frequent enough for a committed connection. I am sorry to have to say that, I know it isn’t what you want to hear.
You already know this in your heart. You are hoping he will change his tune and want to see you more often. This is a mistake many people make when dating someone new. They want to stay positive. They avoid scaring someone off by asking too many questions or having too many expectations. You have a right to know where you stand after investing 3 months with him.
Please don’t shortchange your own needs. Avoid waiting around for someone who is just into casual dating. You are clearly looking for a life partner. This has become a one-sided situation where you are the only one compromising. You want to know that you are a priority and the only one he is interested in dating. This is important to prioritize and remember when deciding how to move forward.
It is time to communicate how you are feeling
Next time you get together with your guy, tell him you would like to talk to him about something important. Meet him outside your home, so there is no chance of a booty call hookup. Be open and honest about what you want in a partnership. Ask him for his honesty in return.
Ask him if he is ready to have a partnership. Listen very carefully to how he answers you. If he says he is happy with the current situation, tell him you need more. You are not comfortable having a sexual relationship without more of a commitment from him. Explain to him that a relationship evolves with more frequent interaction. Seeing each other for only a few hours each month makes it difficult. In reality, you really don’t know if you are even that compatible because you simply don’t know him very well.
Ellie, it is so important to always have boundaries in a new relationship. This prevents any gray areas about what is or isn’t transpiring between you as a couple. He is probably dating other women and may think you are fine with how everything is going. You have been accepting of this arrangement for the last 3 months.
It is tough to have the “are we exclusive” discussion with someone you are dating. I totally understand that. You need to communicate what you are looking for with a new partner early on. Otherwise, it becomes a difficult conversation at a later date. Don’t settle for something that isn’t making you happy, or that you are continually questioning every month. You really should both be on the same page at this 3-month stage.
Thanks for writing, Ellie. Please keep me posted on how things go, moving forward. Please watch the video below for more information on your question today.
Sybersue xo ❤️
Private Dating Relationship Coaching With Sybersue – Please contact me @ https://www.calltheone.com/susan-mccord and message me there to set up a video call or voice call appointment within 24 hours. Thank you!
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