In today’s weekly video above Dear Sybersue discusses: How Do I Get My Partner to Have My Back in Our Relationship?
This is a popular question but why is this even an issue? Why doesn’t your partner defend you? Shouldn’t you always be there for each other when you are confronted or verbally/physically attacked by someone?
I don’t know about you but when someone berates or slanders a person I love, I am like mama bear protecting her cubs! I am all over that sh*t with bear claws a-blazin!
It is a natural reaction to stand up for someone you are in a committed partnership with…isn’t it?
Well maybe not if your partner is insecure or jealous of you. Or, maybe they don’t want to deal with any confrontation! “It will just go away if I don’t draw more attention to it, I’ll just pretend I didn’t see or hear anything. They can handle it.”
The best way to deal with this situation is to acknowledge your partner’s non-actions at the time it happens.
Don’t let it build up so that it gets worse over time. You’re in a partnership for a reason, you shouldn’t have to constantly handle everything on your own. It’s not easy to always have to stand up for yourself and when someone has your back you feel validated and honored by their love.
It is important to get to the bottom of why they aren’t there for you because eventually it could be the demise of your relationship! Do you want to stay with someone who doesn’t respect you enough to support you, listen to your concerns and stand up for you when the need arises?
Once you have this discussion with them things should change for the better. They may have thought you could handle it yourself and that you would be offended if they interfered; but even strong independent women need to feel safe and know that there partner is there for them.
Always respect each other in every way.
Please leave your comments below so we can help others deal with this scenario in their relationships.
In Dear Sybersue’s weekly Thursday Video Upload she discusses how body language can make or break your dating chances.
Some people are quick to judge so you don’t have much time to make a great first impression. You may not be aware of how you come across to others and it’s a lot better to find out sooner, then to be always wondering why people aren’t gravitating towards you and why you are not meeting a potential partner.
My own husband sometimes has “resting bitch face” and he tries hard not to look unapproachable when he is thinking about something and lost in his own thoughts. We laugh about it as I know how amazing he really is and it is only certain times that his body language comes across as; “a little removed.”
While this may work in our home, it doesn’t work for people who are just getting to know each other because most people don’t wait around trying to figure out who “you really are.”
Polite human etiquette is very important in today’s tough world, so if you want to stand out, you might need to be aware of how people initially perceive you and change up some behavioral patterns that aren’t working and why you are still in the “not in a relationship” status.
It’s always a good thing to do a makeover on your attitude. We can all use a little tweeking in that department!
Of course we can become complacent in life sometimes, but people who take time to keep working on themselves will always be in a place of betterment because they get it! They understand that for them to stay interesting and fun to be around, they need to keep making an effort as the years go on.
Being kind and respectful to people you come across on a daily basis is really important on how you conduct yourself with everything you do in life.
Always having an aggressive approach is a turn off and a lasting impression for how people will judge you. Loosen up a little, put others first once in awhile and remember it’s not always just about your feelings and what’s happening your life.
Allow others into your world with encouraging body language and a happy smile on your face. You don’t have to be a part of the anger that is happening in our world today. There is always more room for happiness and you can make a difference to someone else’s life just by being “you.”
Susan Loves to hear from her viewers & often answers their relationship and dating questions on her show as a topic choice. Please leave your comments below the post.
Dear Sybersue discusses dating issues when it comes to constantly meeting men and women who are commitment phobic!
Dear Sybersue,
Hi Sybersue, I am writing out of pure frustration today to discuss the ever dreaded dating BS of the millennium! I know you have addressed many topics on your YouTube channel but I really want to know how to deal with men who ALL seem to be commitment phobic!
Why are guys even dating if they are not interested in a relationship? Why are they wasting my time? They know I am interested in a partnership and not just a one night stand so why don’t they just go find someone who is into being “their booty call” instead??
I am 23 years old and I have tried dating men of all ages to try to get around this situation. I thought maybe it was just my age group that was the problem, but nope, that’s not the case. It’s an epidemic!
My girlfriends complain about it too, but some of them have been lucky and have found great relationships. What am I missing in the early stages of dating these men and why am I attracting these types who aren’t looking for a committed partnership?
I don’t just give up after the 1st date and try not to be too judgmental too quickly,but the results are the same with all of them so far!
What can I do to meet someone who is sincerely into a commitment without having to go through all the same drama every time I meet a new guy?
Help!
Going Crazy Kristen
Hi Kristen,
This is a popular question that both men and women want answers to. There are plenty of ladies playing the field out there and driving the guys crazy as well. I hear from them all the time here on my advice column.
The trick is to be smart about your dating choices and not spend too much time with men who are not into having a relationship. There are big signs very early on but as you said “you don’t want to be too judgmental too quickly,” so you may be ignoring them.
There is a huge difference between being judgmental and ignoring those big red flags!
You have dated enough to know when a guy is into wanting a relationship or whether he is just there to put another notch on his bed post. Guys aren’t that good at hiding their sexual desires and if you are paying attention, you will see it early so that you can move on a lot faster!
The sooner you remove yourself from this type of men, the sooner you will stop attracting them towards you.
When a new relationship is going in the right direction you don’t have to ask the questions, “Is he interested in me?” “Where is this going?” or “Are we exclusive with each other?” If you have to ask, you need to move on from them.
You should both be in a place where you are on the same page with how you are feeling about each other. Yes, even in the early stages!
You asked why guys are dating if they aren’t into having a relationship and the answer is because there are always women who will give them what they want. (These women are also hoping they will end up in a partnership with them by doing so.)
How often have you thought that maybe you could be the woman who makes them settle down? I think there are many ladies out there that can relate to this statement! There can also be a very powerful chemistry that happens quickly and lures women into a false sense of partnership security.
Kristen, before you jump into bed with anyone you are dating, listen to what he says he wants in his life, watch his body language and keep the chemistry pheromones in check! Many women become very emotionally attached after they are intimate with someone and they get themselves stuck in a dead end scenario that they aren’t happy in.
Also, make sure that you are ready for a relationship. Subconsciously you may not be, and are choosing unavailable men without totally being aware that you are doing this. Make sure you have dealt with the demons of your past partnerships and that there isn’t any unresolved issues that are clouding your dating scenarios.
It’s never too late to do a little emotional housekeeping!
Please watch the video above to see how you can change things up with your dating life and deal with any initial red flags so that you can meet that special person who is also looking for partnership!
Keep me posted Kristen!
Sybersue
Please leave your comments below on how you dealt with this type of situation in your life.
In today’s video Dear Sybersue discusses relationship patterns that aren’t working for many people.
Is there too much drama in all of your partnerships?
Are you attracting the same types over and over again and not understanding that there is a problem and that you just go onto the next person without too much thought?
Are you continually wondering why you are single once again?
Have your past relationships been one sided in many aspects of the partnership?
Is it a constant struggle to communicate or to be understood in most of your relationships?
If your partnerships are always ending in the same manner, you have a repetitive problem that isn’t being addressed. Could it be that maybe you are a little stubborn and in denial about the part you play in your relationships?
The old cliche that it takes two people to be in a great relationship still holds true today, so once you take a good hard look at yourself and analyse your actions, you will start to see a destructive pattern.
We spend so much time going after what is on the “top” of our high maintenance checklist that we overlook the fundamentals of what makes the foundation of a strong and loving relationship! We get lost in the trivial and superficial traits that we think are important!
The good news is; it can be fixed!
It’s time to investigate why you are choosing the wrong people. You need to revise your priorities and step away from that quick sand that you keep having to dig yourself out of. Relationships shouldn’t have to be a constant struggle, nor should you have to give up “who you are” to be in one.
When a relationship is right, it flows and you work side by side to keep the communication lines open. It is not a drama filled scenario, it is a loving and safe place to be. ❤
