Ageism definition: prejudice or discrimination on the grounds of a person’s age.
As a mature women this topic of ageism is something I have been aware of for many years but it actually affects men & women of ALL ages.
Why is age allowed to define someone?
One of the first questions a person is asked on almost any form is; Enter Your Birthday mth/day/year. Why do they have the right to ask you this? Most non medical/government forms do not ask for your weight so why is this “none of your business” birthday question permitted?
The minute you tell someone how old you are, their judgment is automatically internalizing. It may not be verbally discussed but it is definitely stirring within the thought process of the person asking.
Most of us are guilty of doing this to some degree as we have been programmed to base people on who they are; by how old they are. We need to base our critiquing on what we actually see & hear, not on how old someone is on their birth certificate!
If employers closed their eyes when they were interviewing a potential employee, they would get a completely different picture of who that person sitting in their office really was.
From a very young age I have always respected & appreciated people in their maturing years due to their enlightening non-stop wisdom. I liked to surround myself with their stories and life lessons that they have learned with each passing birthday.
One of my favorite celebrities is Betty White due to her humor & zest for life at the young tender age of 95! She greatly inspires me as did George Burns for many years. He died at age 100 in 1996 and people still talk about him! I rest my case…
People often become invisible when they reach a certain age. No one should be ignored or considered “too old” by anyone.
We also have to abolish the double standard aging female vs. aging man scenario. It is well documented in history and even today, that men are viewed as “distinguished” as they age, while women in the workforce feel as if they are viewed as “grazers out in the pasture” after 50. (Thankfully this is slowly starting to change as women are fighting back as we speak!)
Although certain professions may have age restrictions due to strenuous job requirements, I truly believe that each person should be considered on an individual non-prejudiced nature. After all; 50 is the new 35 and with that comes great life experience, better fitness levels & professional expertise. Why wouldn’t a company embrace that?
Successful businesses have a variety of age groups in the employee mix as they are intelligent enough to understand how well this works. If there was only “one hiring age,” everyone would think the same way which can lead to a narrow minded marketing strategy down the road.
“An innovative business is a successful business!” How many people out there wouldn’t hire Richard Branson at the age of 66? Am I making my point yet?
Ageism is also a difficult time for many people turning 30. There is much anxiety today for this age group due to the path their parents & grandparents led. There is pressure to have children, buy a house & have the perfect career, which is not happening as often for everyone these days.
Companies want experience but don’t want to pay for it, so many University grads are getting passed over! Many businesses advertise to hire interns with “no pay”to work for a year! How can students afford to do that when they have 5 years of loans to pay off after getting their degree???
There is so much competition for only a few jobs that it is discouraging millennials from even wanting to go to school anymore! They can make more money as a server in a high end restaurant without having any loans to pay back.
It doesn’t seem to matter what type of career choice you venture into, the competition is fierce. Whether it is the gaming or social media market, there is a waiting room full of hopeful young men and women vying for the same job.
One of my friends is an amazing singer/songwriter in her 30’s. In music land she is considered less & less for her incredible talent strictly due to her age and has actually been told that a few times! Basically, she is not as programmable or in my words (easily manipulated) as a 15 year old rising star tends to be.
This is very sad! Who said that talent stops at 25? There is a reason for shows like “The Voice” and “America’s Got Talent” that do not have an age restriction for mature applicants. Finally someone gets it!
Speaking of shows…
As a mature woman on YouTube I have taken some verbal beatings with regards to my age. I started my talk show 8 years ago on the YouTube platform which initially had an audience primarily in the under 25 category. In the first year I was a called a wrinkled old bag, ugly & old, an aging bitch & a few other names that start with “F.”
Moving forward into 2017 with many age groups now visiting or uploading on YouTube & other social media sites, I am now very fortunate to have many wonderful comments written to me regularly with regards to my talk show videos.
The negative feedback occasionally still happens and it is still sadly apparent that ageism will probably always exist in social media with young adults. I guess it makes some people feel better to be able to vent their personal opinions as they can safely hide behind a computer while doing so.
So why did a mature woman decide to put herself out there on HD video & social media?
I started my online Lifestyle Talk Show to help men & women with dating, relationships, self esteem issues & to help them find love in their lives. So many people were complaining of how difficult it was to meet someone & how their self image & low self esteem was playing a big part in their loneliness.
I wanted to help make their lives easier by discussing numerous topics that I had dealt with during my long lived dating experiences, my divorce, being a single mother and my turbulent childhood. I am pleased to say that there are many wonderful people who truly appreciate my wisdom & life experience and I am happy to be able to help.
There will always be the few people who like to use bullying comments because of my advancing age & maturity, but I know in my heart they are lashing out due to their own unhappiness & insecurities. It makes some people feel powerful to put others down; another life lesson many of us learn much too late in life.
Regardless of what age you are now, it is time to think about where you want to be down the road with with each advancing birthday. It may not be affecting you at this particular moment but before you know it, you will be dealing with ageism in some form or another.
Surround yourself with mentors who have walked the walk of life as they will be the best guides you could ask for.
If we keep making age a factor in who we choose to have in our employment, our personal lives or our entertainment choices, we will be missing out on one Hell of a lot of talented & wise people we could learn from.
With many companies & establishments not hiring people after 50 these days, there are going to be many financially despondent people collecting welfare down the road. This could be one of your parents, yourself or even worse, one of your children.
It’s not too late to change your thinking and start to make a difference in this life. Everyone who crosses your path is there to teach you something or for you to teach them something. That is a good thing and an education all in itself. ❤
Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show
You are ready to go on another date but the last time you went on one it was a disaster. As a matter of fact the last 5 dates have been uneventful and downright aggravating! Bad Dates can include a variety of circumstances dealing with lack of chemistry, blatant rudeness, boredom, narcissistic behavior or something embarrassing that may have happened.
We ALL have our stories:
One guy I had dated a few times went up to use my bathroom, came down 10 minutes later and said he had to leave! WTF? I couldn’t find anything incriminating in my medicine cabinet. Talk about a Seinfeld episode! I went cycling on another first date and spun out in the gravel, fell off my bike & ended up at the hospital! Another memorable time, my date got pissed off at something he didn’t agree with, quickly paid the restaurant bill and didn’t even stop the car to let me out at my front door. I now refer to that as my “tuck & roll” bad date!
Your intuition should always be your number one guide when putting yourself out there into the dating market. If it doesn’t feel right and your gut starts churning, don’t go there! Even a text can show red flags!
10 Things to be Aware of on a First Date:
- Are they attentive to you & are you attracted to them?
- Did they make an effort with their appearance and compliment yours?
- Is the conversation shared equally or does it feel like an interview? Is it all about them?
- Are they respectful and polite throughout the date? What did their body language say?
- Do they make you feel comfortable? Are they playful or too serious?
- Did they follow through on the original date plans and were they on time? Did they cancel or reschedule the date?
- Do they bring up sex right away in early conversations?
- Did they take you to your car or your front door after the date ends?
- How much do you have in common? Does the conversation flow freely or is awkward or forced? (Opposites may attract but they seldom stay together.)
- Are they authentic and interesting? Are you interested in them & really want to see them again? Make sure there is a fit and don’t ignore anything that seems insincere.
What do you do if you are uncomfortable and want to leave when you’re out on a date?
Many people are too nice or shy to say anything controversial when things aren’t going well. It is always a good idea to tell them you have a 2 hour time limit on the first date so that they are aware that you have to be somewhere else. Do not go to their house or let them pick you up until you have established a trust & rapport with them. Always be in control of your entrance and departure in the early stages of meeting someone for safety purposes.
No matter how many texts or phone calls you may have had with them, you still don’t know them yet. (There are some pretty good manipulative writers out there.) Don’t get sucked into their smooth talking ways until you have met them face to face. Eye contact will tell you a lot about a person!
Should you be Honest if your Date is Rude?
Most people do not know how to express themselves when dealing with something like this. If the date is awful they just walk away and let it go as an experience they don’t want to repeat! You could make a difference in their life by tactfully telling them what bothered you and maybe they will learn from it. Some people really don’t know how they come across to others. You may have been put in their path to teach them something about themselves.
Life lessons are not just about what we need to learn about ourselves but also what we can do for someone else.
I was introduced to a guy through a friend who spent our entire first date on the phone. After an hour went by I got up from my seat, went over to the server, paid my share of the bill and left without a word. I am not sure he even noticed. He had no respect for me or my time and didn’t even hold up a finger to silently apologize. It was obviously something he did regularly and thought nothing of it. I was offended but got over it quickly. Don’t waste too much time analyzing bad behavior or take it too personally. It’s their stuff to deal with and some people are just rude; plain and simple.
One of the ways to prevent some disaster dates is by pre-screening and really paying attention to the initial way they interact with you!
- Don’t take their online dating profile as the gospel truth. People lie all the time! Also be aware of your friend or family’s advice about that perfect person they may have for you. Talk to them on the phone first before meeting them and ask the questions that are important to you. Requesting a photo is not unreasonable or shallow. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and everyone has different tastes.
- Use the technology available at your fingertips; Google them!! Most people are on some sort of social media tool like Facebook, Instagram or Twitter. If it’s out there in cyberspace it’s free for the public to see. Protecting yourself is always your number 1 priority!
- Carrie Bradshaw from “Sex and the City,” says that first dates are like job interviews with cocktails. How true is that statement? When applying for a job you are paying attention to what they are saying and what they are offering you. Unfortunately many men & women make the mistake of not really hearing what is being said on the first few dates and could save themselves a lot of time and energy seeing any red flags earlier, rather than later.
- Cocktails may make you loosen up on a date but alcohol changes up what we perceive about a person and how we may be perceived by them. Let’s face it; we’re just a little bolder with liquid courage in our bloodstream. I know it’s easier to face someone new after a few beers or a glass of wine but if you want to get the real version of who they are, coffee is a much better choice on that first date.
Too many embarrassing things happen when alcohol enters the picture too early. (Just watch a few episodes of “The Bachelor or Bachelorette” reality show to see what I mean!)
- Narcissism can be quite common and is super annoying! This is when someone talks about themselves for the entire first date. They brag about their accomplishments, who they know, how much money they have, what type of car they drive and often discuss sex openly and how many people they have slept with! They may as well just have a conversation with themselves in the mirror. Nervousness is one thing but arrogance is another. Caring about another person is the first rule of dating. If it is all about them in the beginning, it probably always will be.
When Planning a First Date:
- Always have an alternative option in case your original plan gets altered due to the weather or something that may be uncomfortable for your date.
- Be organized, follow through and always respect their time. Do not bail last minute on a date because something better may have come up!
- We all have first date insecurities so the more information they have regarding the date particulars will put them at ease because there will be no surprises. They will know what to wear (casual or dressy, heels or runners) if they should eat beforehand and can look up the directions to the meeting location. Ask them if they have any questions or if they are comfortable with the date venue you chose.
- Confirm the date! This is appreciated and proper etiquette, especially if it was discussed a week or two before. It puts them at ease knowing you haven’t forgotten about it and that you are thinking about them & looking forward to seeing them.
Dating can be a great experience if you are smart and observe each scenario with clarity. You will learn how to weed out the wrong types and eventually stop attracting them towards you. Keep an open mind but don’t spend time with people you have no connection with. You shouldn’t have to talk yourself into being with someone!
It should be a natural fit that flows without too many questions or a thousand compromises. Yes, dating is frustrating and hard on your self-esteem, but anything worth having is not always an easy accomplishment. Don’t give up on love; treat it with the same patience & determination as you would with any other goal in your life; it’s always worth the wait and perseverance in the end.
I don’t write a lot of personal blog posts but sometimes it is necessary to vent before the toxins take over your mind, body and soul.
I am known to many as The Strong Woman; the one handing out the hugs, the positive feedback & support to my family, friends, and others I come in contact with on a daily basis. No, I’m not co-dependent but I am a loving person who generally wants others to be happy. I have my boundaries but maybe not enough of them.
The problem with being the go-to person is; people will use your kindness until they don’t need you anymore. You are their unpaid therapist in many ways. We are told over and over not to have expectations when we do something for another person, but this can be a very unhealthy place to put yourself when it becomes “a constant” in your life. People gravitate towards your strength and life experience.
So who do you let in and who do you walk away from?
If you are always helping others and not getting anything back in return, it eventually burns you out and becomes a very lonely place. They are so concerned with their own welfare that they seldom ask about you or even seem to care what is going on in your life.
They just keep coming back for more of your “white light” that makes them feel good about themselves. They take you for granted. Some people are very good at coming in gradually and before you know it you are in this one directional superficial relationship.
I know… boundaries! Use your instincts early on; you don’t have to be a support system to everyone you meet.
Where did I get this nurturing habit from anyway?
Growing up as the oldest girl of 5 children I had much responsibility placed upon me at a very young age. I was basically mom #2 as my own mother relied heavily on me to help her out at home every day. It got more intense when she went to work full time when I was 10 years old. I became the caregiver.
My parents fought constantly which made the tension at home so thick you could cut it with a knife! I won’t go into graphic detail but kids don’t forget all their past demons easily. It never really completely goes away no matter how much work you do on yourself over the years; the “childhood hauntings” revisit you here and there regardless. It’s kind of like telling the jury to “disregard the statement” after they already heard the incriminating comment. 😉
So what is my point in all this?
I want everyone out there to understand that “strong people” need support too. They are not immune to needing love in their lives. I am stressing this towards family scenarios first. I find it quite hypocritical hearing how important family is, when many people treat their own family members disrespectfully. You don’t have to stay and put up with it. It shouldn’t consist of constant drama, intimidation, endless fighting or ridicule!
Family doesn’t always have to mean “blood related” and in some cases it is better and more supportive when it’s not. It’s hard for many people to live up to family expectations.
I know this because my own mother and I are estranged from each other. After all those years I spent as a loving daughter (non-reciprocated) who helped made her life a lot easier, it is pretty sad we just don’t talk or get along. We are very different and sometimes opposites just don’t work well together.
My dad on the other hand has changed his ways and is enjoyable to be around. He just keeps on living his life with positive energy. (Who says you can’t teach an old dog new tricks?) 😉
I am sincerely not trying to play the “poor me” victim here but rather stating the facts that many other people have also experienced but don’t always divulge or want to talk about. You don’t have to stay in a bad situation just because that is what you think you are supposed to do. Whether it is a friendship gone bad, a job that you loathe or a hurtful family scenario; you have the choice to walk away. That is the beauty of the world we live in today.
“Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me!” This cliché line from years ago certainly doesn’t hold true in today’s standards. Verbal negativity has a very powerful affect on self-esteem, and bullies come in all forms and at every age. You need to be aware of who they are to protect yourself.
Even as a very strong person you have to know when to walk away from an unhealthy environment. The longer you stay in it you will keep attracting more of the same towards you.
- You need a place to feel safe.
- You need loving & loyal friendships void of judgemental comments.
- Do not allow yourself to be in one-sided relationships including family!
- Be aware of opportunists who are only there to use you or your expertise.
- Have expectations when it comes to friendships.
- Stand up for yourself & your beliefs regardless of the alienation it may cause in your circle.
- People who use regular sarcasm or cut downs at your expense are not your friends.
- If people in your life are constantly gossiping about others, they are talking about you too.
- Misery loves company. Choose positive people to spend time with.
- Don’t put people on a pedestal and play “follow the leader.” No one is better than anyone else.
- Be aware of the insincere friend that plays both sides of the fence and doesn’t have your back or best interest at heart.
- Don’t let people squash your feelings. Yes, even strong people have sensitivities, go figure!
I love what I do with my talk show, blog & advice column and I am well aware that I am the one in charge of my life path. That doesn’t mean that it is an easy walk all of the time. Being there to help others through difficult times in their lives is my calling and I am here in this world to make a difference in that respect. I get that. I am blessed to have this amazing gift and happy with who I am.
I wrote this post because I wanted to acknowledge other strong women out there who “get” what I am talking about. I also wanted to reach people who constantly rely on others kindness and guidance. “Please appreciate the time and energy that goes into being this strong support system so that you can be happier.” Don’t take them for granted; ask them how they are and give back as often you can. Even the smallest gestures show that you care and that you appreciate and value every minute of their time.
Even strong girls need a pat on the back once in awhile. ❤
Susan McCord @ http://www.facebook.com/DearSybersue
Part of the dating and relationship process of life is learning as much as you can from each step you take so as not to repeat the same BS crap over and over again. Yes, that nasty heart-break learning curve that seems endless for some people. “WTF? Why me, what am I doing wrong?” “Why am I so unlovable?”
OMG stop with the pity party, wipe off those crocodile tears and go yell at yourself in the bathroom mirror! “I AM AMAZING BUT I NEED TO MAKE BETTER CHOICES! I AM IN CHARGE OF ME & NO ONE ELSE HAS THAT POWER!” On second thought, write it out on the mirror and then yell!! Do it over and over again until you really believe it, because until you do, you will continue to have these sad moments with your pets! (I’m not just talking about the crazzzzy cat ladies!)
Any breakup is hurtful but it happens for a purpose; to let you know there is something way healthier for you out there away from another heart-breaking dilemma. You might have to bang your head against that damn brick wall a few times before it clicks into the “ah ha moment,” but even taking baby steps in a new direction will get you there much faster!
So eat a carton of Haagen Daz, down a few pints at the pub, watch a few romantic tear jerker movies, cry at old photos of you as a couple, use your pets as a temporary replacement, and then give yourself a month and get the Hell into that bathroom and start screaming! It’s time for you to move onto a positive road to something real!
It’s not always about heart-break but more about a broken ego which can be dangerous if you let it rule your choices! Life experience is never a bad thing, but you can have many more great experiences once you learn how to remove yourself from the frustrating path of doing the same wrong thing over and over again.
As Dr. Phil says: “How’s that working for you?”
Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show
Please Visit Dear Sybersue on Facebook ❤
Wouldn’t this be wonderful if that’s all it took? Pull off the tab on the “post it note” and you can have what you want? “The Law of Attraction” and power of visualization states that you can have whatever you want, if you believe you can! So, maybe this isn’t as far fetched as it seems?
Life can be very difficult for many people, but surrounding yourself with supportive friends and family can definitely help ease some of the negative things we all deal with in our day to day existence. Know when to let go and know when to embrace the good things in front of you. You don’t have to stay in negative scenarios and you don’t have to stay in the same unhealthy patterns that make you unhappy.
Go and get what you want in life and don’t be afraid to ask for it either. Someone is always listening even when you feel no one hears you.
Thank you Ocean Bloom for sharing this photo!
❤ Happy Sunday ❤ xoxo
This video was brought to my attention by a very good friend and I just had to post it!
What a great message for all of us! There is not a person in this world who has not gone through either sad times, medical issues, difficult work & family scenarios or has dealt with bouts of depression in their lifetime. The pharmaceutical companies are making a killing off of prescriptions for so many people! While many drugs are prescribed to help with ongoing medical ailments there are some people that just rely on them to get through the day.
This video has a fun yet important message that we all need to be reminded of. We don’t spend enough time enjoying and appreciating God’s green earth! As a video host & blogger who spends way too much time on the computer, I can totally relate to the change in my spirit and mental awareness when I take time out of my day to get outside to either bike, stroll to the beach or just sit on a park bench watching the kids run around without a care in the world. It revives my reason for living and makes me realize how lucky we are to have all this beauty at our fingertips anytime we want it! ❤
I look at sunshine and nature as an aphrodisiac as a puts such a big spring in my step and attitude! Many men and women who are lonely and single should definitely make Nature a part of their day, everyday! It really does renew your thought process and can actually change negative thinking into positive. Even sitting in the sunshine with a cup of coffee can force a smile out of most people. It makes you forget your problems for a little while and helps you to take notice of some of the little things in life that we all take for granted or cocoon in our homes not taking the time to appreciate.
So go on, get out, breath the fresh air and love who you are while you’re doing it. As the NIKI Slogan says: “Just do it!”
Susan McCord ~ Check Out my Videos at Dear Sybersue YouTube Channel!