My Ex Wants to be Friends While he is Dating the Girl Who he Cheated With!

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How do you explain to your ex that you cannot be friends while they date the person they cheated on you with? (Original post on Quora)

Susan McCord
Susan McCord, Susan McCord is a Dating/Relationship/Lifestyle Talk Show Host &Published Author

I noticed how you said “while” they date the person they cheated on you with. Why would you want to be friends with a man that has no respect for you, whether he is with this woman or not? We all get that forgiveness is a part of healing, but it doesn’t mean you have to be friends or keep him in your life after he blatantly cheated on you.

He wants to be friends with you because it helps him relieve his guilt but that has nothing to do with your feelings, it’s about him. He also may be keeping you in the background in case he wants to rekindle something later on or keep the new girl feeling insecure.

Hurtful relationships are the stepping stones to a better place, but first you have to learn the lessons as to why you were with someone.

  • What did you learn about your time with them?
  • Was there something about yourself that needed to be woken up?
  • What attracted you towards him in the beginning?
  • Are you drawn to bad boys?
  • Were you shown love as a child?
  • Do you base a relationship primarily on how much sexual chemistry you have with them?
  • Was he with someone else when you met him?

The red flags are usually right in front of us early on in a relationship but many people choose to ignore them. He did you a favor by showing you his true colors and the more often you remove yourself from people who hurt you or use you, the sooner you will meet the people who should be in your life.

Oh and by the way… you do not have to explain anything to him. His actions towards you said it all.

Give your energy & love to people who appreciate you. ❤

I did this video a short time ago that you may want to see about relationships.

“Love Gone Wrong Could be Something you Needed to Learn about Yourself”

How Do I Get Close to a Girl who Just Got Dumped By Her Boyfriend?

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Quora Question:

The Girl I Like (and have for more than 1.5 years) got dumped by her boyfriend a week ago. When would it be appropriate to try to get closer to her?

I am aware if the fact that she is obviously heavily affected by the ordeal, and thus I don’t want to do anything that may do more harm than good, for her especially. It should also be mentioned that we know each other from university, and I’ve gone out for coffee with her a few times.

Dear Sybersue’s Answer:

Continue to be her friend but don’t be aggressively available. You don’t want her to start relying on you to help her through her heartbreak on a daily basis because If there is a chance for romance between the two of you down the road, you need her to see you that way and not as her buddy.

You also don’t want to be a “short term rebound” if she becomes lonely and ends up being intimate with you when she is not ready for a new relationship. This can make her run quickly in the opposite direction as she is still dealing with the emotional aftermath of her breakup. Don’t be a guinea pig on the path to her heart healing. You want to stand out in a different way!

Give her a few months to deal with her sadness and then be honest with how you feel about her. You have already liked her for 18 months and if there is a chance for you as a couple, you need to tell her. You don’t need to spend another year waiting for her to notice you.

Put it out there and maybe she also feels something for you too but doesn’t think you are interested in her romantically.

Don’t let her be the one that got away. ❤

Link to Original Question on Quora

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show

 

Quora Question: What are some Examples of Great Questions to Start a Conversation with Someone?

Quora Question: What are some Examples of Great Questions to Start a Conversation with Someone?

Dear Sybersue: http://www.youtube.com/c/susanmccord

As an occasional interviewer I always try not to ask the basic questions that everyone expects or assumes you will ask them. People prefer talking about their accomplishments or what makes them happy, over mundane everyday questions.

In my line of work as a Dating/Relationship Talk Show Host and Dating Coach, some of the questions people ask each other really need to be less “in their face” if they want to stand out and eventually meet someone.

These questions below put people on the defensive and are not good opening conversation starters:

  1. Why are you single? (Really? Ask yourself the same question!)
  2. What do you do for work? (Boring first obvious question and screams how much money do you make?)
  3. How old are you really? (Accusing them of lying.)
  4. Why did you get divorced and why haven’t you remarried? (Because I’m an axe murderer! NOYFB!)
  5. Are you a sexual person? (oh yes, 5 times a day they reply sarcastically!)
  6. Come here often? (Seriously people still ask this!)

Regardless of where I am, I usually start conversations with a statement over a question which seems to make the person I am talking to less uncomfortable because they don’t have to answer something personal. If they want to answer with more than a smile or a nod they can, and if they choose not to converse with me that’s OK too. (“We could have had fun but never mind, your loss.”)  I just like to be friendly and talk with lots of different people and I am not shy to open the conversation up.

“Is that a pistol…” 😉

It also depends on what environment you are in as to what to talk about. Coffee shop lineups, the gym, a party, a restaurant bar or sporting event all offer a different dynamic but the one thing they all have in common is a social setting. It is the perfect opportunity to meet new people and use your personality to be a little creative.

Choose a conversation/question that compliments the setting you are in:

  • “This appetizer is incredible!” “The Chef is wonderful here.” (My son just happens to be a chef, that’s where I got that one from.)
  • “I have eaten here many times if you need help choosing something from the menu.”
  • “I am not sure I understand why the referee gave the player a penalty” ‘Why do they scratch their…? (OK maybe not.)
  • “How do you know the host of the party?”
  • “What coffee would you recommend here?”
  • At the gym: simply smile and say hi to people next to you. Maybe ask to share the machine with them if you are doing a similar workout. Take off your headphones so you appear more receptive. (always wear deodorant!)
  • Driving range: “I am a rookie in the golf world can you quickly tell me which club I should use to try to hit the 150 ft marker?” or compliment them on their style: “That was a fantastic drive!” “I wish I could swing my club like that!”  “Come here often?” (just kidding!)

These are pretty basic examples but if you are sincere with your questions or statements, you can’t go wrong. Don’t make it “a line,” make it thought-out conversation piece that has some substance. Be careful not to bother someone who is in “more of a quiet setting” but if they are out socializing, they are fair game to chat with. Go get em’!