This topic is for all of you long-distance romancers out there!
In the past, this type of dating was not practiced much due to travel issues and regimented lifestyles. Since then, The Millennium has opened the technology doors and communication levels that have made long distance romance feasible. So much so, that many couples have found each other in other cities or even different Countries and are making their situation work! Business travel & Online Dating sites have probably been the main reasons for this. Innovative travel sources have lessened the stress in long distance relationships & many businesses are taking advantage of this as well. Companies everywhere are merging and expanding globally.
Why would we want to make our love lives so complicated?
I personally have had a few relationships overseas but I wasn’t looking for a long term commitment at that time. Unfortunately this can be a big problem with some long distance relationships because often one person is more dedicated and attached than the other. This can happen even if it originally starts out as a reciprocated “friends with benefits” scenario!” Some people look for these long distance situations so they don’t have to commit and because it is SAFE! (or at least they think it is!)
Is it not difficult enough just dating in your own city close to home? Do some people look for these long distance situations so they have an excuse not to commit? Are they living the best of both worlds with a double life so to speak? “It is a small world after all,” and it is getting smaller by the minute.
We are so much more connected than ever before and watching the news is like being in someone’s backyard experiencing it as if we were there. But I do use the word “connected” lightly in the relationship sense. The smaller our world becomes many people are isolating themselves behind their technology devices which contradicts what it is really suppose to do. Unfortunately this makes meeting that special someone even harder than before. This is one of the reasons long distance relationships are happening more often now. People are expanding their playground to have more options.
Sometimes fate just steps into your path regardless of where you are in the world and your meeting is no coincidence. If you have ever read the Celestine Prophecy you will know what I am referring to. (Every path you are on, you are there by choice.) In other words, falling in love with Jason or Cindy on a vacation to London or Hong Kong was not an accident. You were put on that path for a purpose which you might want to analyze before shrugging it off. It could be an amazing career opportunity or a future partner down the road. Don’t blow it off as “what’s the point”; there is always a point with everyone you meet! One person can make a huge difference in your life even if it was only in a short passing.
Let’s say you are really serious about this person. How do you make it work?
How do you keep from feeling insecure every time you say goodbye? How can you build a trust with them when half of your life is living in another city? The top priority should be to ensure you are both “clear” on the relationship’s progression. Are you dating, casually seeing each other, exclusive or engaged? It is very hard to ask these questions so quickly, but doing so will save you any misunderstanding later on.
Also ask “yourself” these important questions:
- “Am I open to the possibility of relocating if the relationship should become serious?”
- “Am I interested in getting married or happy living in a common law situation?”
- How do we deal with being a blended family if we have children from another marriage?
- Do we want our own children together and what time frame are we looking at?
- Whose family is going to get the short end of the stick ~ because someone has to make the sacrifice and physically change residence.
- What if we live 3000 miles apart? (We can’t just go see our family when we feel like it as we have travel barriers and will have to plan far ahead to see them.) Can I live with that? Can they?
Other things to think about:
- Communicating daily is very important to keep you both feeling secure. Talk about everything like you would over a glass of wine at home. Even the little things.
- Ask their advice on things to make them feel needed across the miles. Hearing their voice and their viewpoint is important.
- Use Facetime or video phone calls as everyone needs the visual of the person they love!
- Skype should be your best friend. (Always take pride in your appearance ~ don’t be complacent as it is a date after all.)
- Travel time to see each other should be reciprocated!
- Have a future plan as to where you will live together so there are no surprises later.
- Know when to say good-bye; do not leave the relationship hanging if you are losing interest. Don’t lead anyone on longer than necessary and tell them to their face in person not in a text or phone call.
- Communication is the most needed tool to keep any partnership alive but it is imperative in a long distance relationship.
Don’t ignore the red flags or when your gut trying to tell you something!
Intuition is your guide ~ trust it! Be respectful of the time that is put in to seeing each other. Many long distance relationships actually work very well due to the effort that has to be implemented to sustain them. You have to work harder to keep it fresh and alive. There is always an excited anticipation for when the next visit is scheduled.
Make sure you are comfortable in both home scenarios with friends, location, family & careers. You may end up in one of these places more permanently so there needs to be contentment regardless of where you end up living together. Many couples ignore this in the first year thinking the other person will compromise and it ends up being the reason for the demise of the partnership.
Being on the same page through the transition of the relationship will keep it flourishing but when it changes for any reason, be honest with your partner. Being the last to know that someone has moved on is devastating. Ending a relationship is always difficult and heartbreak is painful. Love doesn’t count the mileage; it hurts regardless of where you live. Be respectful of each other always.
Susan McCord @ http://www.youtube.com/twobeavers