Today, on Dear Sybersue, I discuss the topic: Why Do People Stay In Relationships They are Always Complaining About?
This scenario can happen for many reasons, but the most popular scenarios are due to couples becoming bored/complacent and no longer prioritizing their partner, being afraid of commitment, they are emotionally unavailable, or they may be settling in a relationship because they don’t want to be alone. Some people would rather stay in a negative situation than end up being single again.
#1 – Bored and complacent with your partner.
This is such a common situation when you have been with someone for a long time. Evolving as a couple includes nurturing your relationship on a regular basis. Unfortunately, some couples take their love for granted, and the bond they once shared starts to slowly fizzle out. It is so easy to become bored when you both stop trying.
Relationships are a full-time job, and they are just as important as raising your children and always being on top of your career. Why do so many partners not understand this?
We should all learn how to be alone, have a purpose in our lives, and be comfortable in our own skin before we commit to another person. It isn’t your partner’s job to make you “feel whole” but it is your job to pay attention to what is transpiring at home and do your part in maintaining the love between you both.
Complaining to others about your partner isn’t a good thing. You should always be able to communicate your feeling to your partner first, and it’s really nobody’s business but yours anyway. Asking for some professional help can save your relationship, and it is really worth the investment.
The grass isn’t usually that much greener somewhere else, so fantasizing about what you want that isn’t happening at your home is not the answer. You’re just going to take the same problems into your next scenario if you don’t learn how to use the tools available, to try to repair the relationship you’re in now. You fell in love for a reason, and things between you could be salvaged if you both put in the effort and do the work.
Make sure you continue to do things together. Couples that play together, stay together! When you are fun and creative in your partnership, things don’t become mundane or boring because you’re not allowing them to be that way. You are valuing your relationship and understand the importance of always keeping things fresh and flirty at home!
#2 – Are you actually afraid of commitment?
If you or someone you are in a partnership with is fearful of having a long-term commitment, there could be subconscious sabotage going on. If this isn’t the first time it has happened within your partnerships, you might be continuing to choose the wrong partners because you don’t really want them to work out.
You could also be sabotaging your happiness due to “a fear that things will not work out,” so you actually initiate the demise of a breakup before they do. You start to find fault in your partner and complain about what is wrong between you as a couple. You are justifying why you shouldn’t be together! “I will leave them before they leave me!”
#3 – Are you emotionally unavailable?
Some men and women aren’t even aware that they may be emotionally unavailable. This could be because of a bad breakup from their past, or in many cases due to a difficult or loveless childhood. When you have dealt with a painful experience in your younger years, you don’t always walk away without some internal trauma or deep-rooted painful memories.
Some people learn to bury these feelings and just continue on, not truly understanding how much it is affecting their adult relationship choices. Really think about this and ask yourself why are you really in a partnership that you are always complaining about? What are you getting out of this at the end of the day? Are you just staying there, so you aren’t lonely? Isn’t it often more lonely being in the wrong relationship, though?
#4 – Settling with someone just to be in a relationship
Unfortunately, this is a situation that some people choose when they are ready to be in a relationship, but they haven’t met the person who ticks off of the boxes on their checklist. They may feel pressure from their friends or family to get married or they might have a biological clock ticking to have a baby. Whatever the reason, eventually, some people just give up looking for their soul mate and end up in a partnership that is in more of a friend zone.
It is often very one-sided where one person in the relationship is there for the right reasons and sincerely loves their partner, but it isn’t reciprocated in the same manner. This becomes a big problem over time because no one is getting their needs met in the right way.
How do I get my relationship back on track and stop complaining about things?
Things between a couple need to be on the same emotional page for a partnership to stand the test of time. You need to love and respect each other with your whole heart and truly want the best for your partner. Of course, we are all going to argue occasionally with our significant other and that is totally normal, but when it is becoming “the only way you communicate,” it eventually takes a toll on your relationship and your self-worth.
We all have STUFF, but talking negatively about anything going on in your life isn’t a great habit to get into. You want to be positive and surround yourself with like-minded people, especially today with all the problems going on in the world. Your home needs to be a loving place where you feel safe and secure. Sharing opinions is healthy and can be a great banter once in a while with one another, but it is important to understand when it goes too far.
If someone is complaining about every relationship they are in, they could be stuck in a pattern of choosing similar partners that are familiar. Which is in this case isn’t a good thing. It is really important to learn from your past relationships and not repeat what didn’t work.
If the complaints are valid and need to be addressed, be open to discussing them together and try to come to a healthy place within your relationship. If you are truly unhappy with your partner, it is time to be honest, and move on, so you can both be in a happier place. Life is too short to put yourself in a negative environment.
Thank you for taking the time to visit me here at Sybersue!
Sybersue xo <3
Private Dating Relationship Coaching With Sybersue – Please contact me @ https://www.calltheone.com/susan-mccord and message me there to set up a video call or voice call appointment within 24 hours. Thank you!
Susan McCord @ Dear Sybersue YouTube – Dear Sybersue Facebook
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Good piece.
Very profound