Why Do I Allow My Partner to Hurt Me Over & Over?

In today’s weekly blog and video upload I discuss a question from Ellie. She wants to know how to move on from a partnership that is continuously hurtful.

Dear Sybersue,

Why do I keep going back to someone who doesn’t treat me right? Why am I addicted to this person and why can’t I respect myself more in my relationships?

How do I stop being stuck, move on and forgive myself for allowing this behavior from my partner?

He is sarcastic, ridiculing and cuts me down all the time. He breaks up with me for the smallest things and then starts texting me 6 months (or longer) later as if nothing has happened. Like a fool I keep letting him back into my life!

What’s wrong with me? He isn’t healthy for me!

I need to end things now!

Ellie

Hi Ellie,

Well you are right that you are attracted/addicted to his bad behavior but the good news is that you aren’t in denial about it anymore!

You didn’t mention anything about your past so it is difficult to know your complete story and where your self esteem issues are coming from. There is something buried deep inside of you that thinks you deserve this type of treatment.

A Few Questions to Ask Yourself:

Was there love in your childhood and are you close to your parents & siblings?
Are your parents together or divorced?
Were you bullied in school or did you feel unpopular?
Are you shy and introverted?
Did you deal with a really bad break up previous to your relationship with this man?
Have you experienced any physical abuse?
How often have you had a similar type of partnership such as this; you asked: “why can’t I respect myself more in my relationships?” Which means this isn’t the first time you have coped with this unhealthy scenario.
Have you ever felt abandoned by anyone in your life?

Whenever you feel really stuck in any type of hurtful behavioral pattern I strongly suggest seeing a therapist

This isn’t usually isn’t something you can handle by yourself due to the longevity of the problem. It often needs a professional set of ears to gain some clarity as to what is transpiring within your thought process.

You made the effort to write to me so you it sounds like you are ready to make some changes in your life.

It is really important for you to understand that you are in charge of who you’re attracting towards you and it is up to you to change what isn’t working. You have to “get that” for things to improve in your life.

Let me know how things go for you Ellie and thanks for writing!