Why Can’t I Stop Having Booty Calls with My Ex? This is a question a woman recently asked me on my advice column.
This is something “a lot” of men and women ask themselves when they are dealing with a breakup. It is very difficult getting over your partner, especially if the sexual chemistry was very powerful between you as a couple!
“Why can’t I let go? They don’t want to be with me anymore so why don’t I respect myself more and not give in to these last-minute booty calls?”
Most of us have been there at one point in our life; the one-sided breakup that wasn’t your idea but, maybe by staying close by there is hope that they will realize they made a mistake.
The big problem here is; the rules have changed.
You are no longer their partner and they are free to date whomever they want. The trust you once shared as a couple is now tarnished and can make you feel insecure. This may cause you to cling on even tighter to win them back.
The last thing you want is to be labeled as a doormat. You are worth more than that. When someone breaks up with you, let them go.
If they truly love you they will not be able to walk away. Of course, it hurts terribly and the rejection is painful, but they really are doing you a favor. You will not see it immediately but The Universe has much bigger plans for you!
Don’t let your Ex continue to have a piece of you; always respect yourself first. It’s all or nothing and you are not their “little toy” they can pull out whenever they need a sex or ego release.
Many men and women are settling in partnerships today and this is becoming a huge problem. They would rather be with someone they don’t necessarily love than be alone.
A big reason for this is that dating has become very difficult so that when you finally meet someone decent, you hold onto to them; even if they are not the right person for you.
Regardless of whether the booty call is a reciprocated scenario, it is still an unhealthy place to put yourself because it prolongs you both from moving on completely.
This keeps you stuck and prevents you from finding love somewhere else because a part of your heart is still with them! When you are thinking about your Ex and still being intimate with them, there is no room for someone else to come in.
It’s definitely not easy to completely let go as sex is the powerful glue that holds a couple together in a relationship. Unfortunately, it also can be addictive even after a breakup because the first thing we miss is the intimacy and closeness! (We all know the term breakup sex!)
How Do I Stop the Temptation and Stay Strong When it Comes to My Ex?
- They have told you the relationship is over so believe them! Remove their number from your phone so they can’t text you. This will also keep you from looking at your phone to see if they contacted you. Out of sight out of mind!
- Stay away from anywhere you know they may go out for the evening; so you don’t run into them after a few cocktails when your guard is down. Find some new hangouts.
- Take them off your social media. Yes, all of it! The less you see their face the less you will be thinking about them.
- If you have mutual friends ask them not to talk about your ex and tell you what they are up to. The less you know the more healing power you will have. You may have to find a different social circle if all your friends are in the same group as your Ex.
- Join some interesting groups and start some new projects to keep yourself really active. The busier you are the more purpose you will have in your life; which keeps you from missing them.
- Write out a list of things that weren’t great in your relationship with your Ex and read them whenever you feel the urge to see them, or you have sad days. Remembering only the good things isn’t realistic when dealing with a breakup.
If you have to hibernate for a while after your breakup that is perfectly natural and much better than jumping into bed with your Ex every time they text you. Your self-worth is so much more important!
They made their decision to leave your relationship and now it is time for you to take back your power. Respect yourself by making your own decision not to see them anymore.
It’s time to move on!
Please watch the video at the top of this post for more information on this topic and leave your comments below. Has this happened to you and what did you do?
sybersue xo 
Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Advice Show
Dear Sybersue Facebook Dear Sybersue Blogs/Advice Column
That hit home. I let myself be his booty call for 5 years knowing he was with other people. But always hoping he would come back to me. It’s been six months since I was physical with him and two months since contact. I am working hard on myself to not disrespect myself anymore. It’s not easy to pull yourself out of it. Especially when you are in your 50s!
Hi Michelle, I think most of us have been there at one point in our life but you would think it wouldn’t happen as often as we get a little older. Unfortunately, it still does. It is interesting that when we set respectful boundaries, we then stop meeting people that cause us drama. This allows room for the right people to enter your life.
Good for you that you are not seeing him anymore! Any contact with him can restart things again so I am happy to hear it has been two months since you have connected at all..Get out there and meet others by being social. Join some meetup groups with other people your age. Have some fun and add a little diversity to your life.
There are a lot of singles in their 50’s but they don’t get out as much as they should. I re-married at 50 so I can say this from my own personal experience that it can happen. It takes a bit of effort but don’t up on love; don’t settle either. Keep me posted and thanks for sharing.