7 Signs Your Relationship Won’t Last After The First 3 Months Of Dating (Kristine Fellizar)

7 Signs Your Relationship Won’t Last After The First 3 Months Of Dating (Kristine Fellizar)

This is a great article written by Kristine Fellizar from Bustle.com that I also helped contribute to. Collaborative posts make an interesting read as it allows other experts to come together with different opinions and gives the reader a much broader perspective of the topic at hand.

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It’s so easy to get swept up in the rush of lovey-dovey feelings you get from dating someone new. But according to experts, it’s pretty important to stay grounded during the first three months of dating. Because as amazing as those new love feels are, those first 90 days can determine whether or not your new relationship is the real thing or has an expiration date.

“The three month-mark in a relationship is usually when you either take the relationship to the next level and become more serious, or you decide that love isn’t going to grow and you break ties,” dating coach, Anna Morgenstern, tells Bustle.

Although every relationship differs, three months is considered to be the average length of the first stage of a relationship. According to psychotherapist and relationship coach, Toni Coleman, LCSW, you should be ideally making that transition from “casually dating” to “exclusive” around that time. But again, this varies depending on how much time you actually spend together and how much distance is between you two.

According to Coleman, many believe that “losing interest” is the reason behind why some couples can’t seem to make it past three months. But that’s not entirely the case. “It’s not so much losing interest in one another as it is making a decision that this relationship is not one they want to invest more in and deepen,” she says. “They simply don’t feel that the friendship, connection, attraction and interest are strong enough.”

So will your new relationship make it past those crucial first 90 days? According to experts, if your partner hasn’t done these things in that timeframe, it may not.

1. Be Consistent With Their Communication

Ashley Batz/Bustle

At the beginning of a relationship, texting, calling, and messaging typically happen very often. There’s a lot of back and forth flirtation, and you pretty much expect it. But if your partner is no longer predictable or consistent with their communication, licensed psychologist Dr. Danielle Forshee tells Bustle, that’s not a great sign. “In a new relationship, both partners should be mutually invested in spending time getting to know the other person,” she says. “This should be equally reciprocated on both ends.”

2. Be Their Genuine Self Around You

Ashley Batz/Bustle

“The first few months are often all persona, all pretense,” Caleb Backe, Health and Wellness Expert for Maple Holistics, tells Bustle. “This is not a bad thing, per se, it is simply the nature of the beast.” During those first few months, you want to present yourself in the best possible light. The more time you spend together and become more comfortable with each other, the easier it is to shed the persona and be your true self. But if your partner can’t be their genuine self around you by three months, Backe says they may have deeper emotional issues that may need to be worked on. “Use your heart, your head, your gut, but be realistic about your expectations,” he says. “Don’t be afraid to bring certain topics up. Now that three months have passed, it is starting to get real.”

3. Invite You To Hang Out With Their Friends

Andrew Zaeh for Bustle

If your partner starts making more plans with friends and isn’t making the effort to include you, Morgenstern says, that’s an early sign your relationship may not last. When this happens, the tendency is to cling onto the relationship for fear of losing it. You may text them more or request to spend more time together. But as she says, “that is the absolutely worst thing to do.” Instead, let them be. Maybe they need space to figure out their feelings in order to move forward. “Plan a trip with friends for the weekend and have an amazing time reconnecting with your inner circle. Coming from a place of self love and inner confidence will save your relationship,” Morgenstern says. “And if your partner does break it off, you’ll be setting yourself up to walk away from the relationship as a whole person, not a broken shell of yourself.”

4. Find Small Ways To Keep Moving The Relationship Forward

Andrew Zaeh for Bustle

You shouldn’t be initiating everything as your relationship goes on. So if your partner’s interest in the relationship isn’t strong enough to take it to the next level, they will take less of an initiative, be less affectionate, and show less physical closeness, Backe says. In short, there’s going to be distance and you’re going to feel it. “Some would say that this may be stemming from a fear of reaching that 100 days mark, so you need to take some serious personal and couple inventory (though you may not want to call it that), and see what it is that you have here,” he says.

5. Be A Shoulder To Lean On

Andrew Zaeh for Bustle

If your partner can’t listen to you and be your shoulder to lean on in those first three months, Daniels says your relationship may not make it long-term. You shouldn’t necessarily dump all your deepest and darkest fears to them right away. But if you’re going through something at work or with your family, they should be there to talk and listen to you. “This kind of thing is what takes your relationship to the next level,” she says. “It establishes a level of trust and strength for both of you to feel comfort when seeking comfort.” If your partner can’t be that for you, that’s not a great sign.

6. Make Solid Future Plans With You

Ashley Batz/Bustle

It’s one thing to say that you should go away together for the weekend, and it’s another to actually book everything and hash out the logistics. If your relationship is one that is destined to get stronger, Coleman says you will make solid plans for the future together. For instance, you may not meet their family within those first three months, but you can make plans for it. But if your partner can’t even commit to making dinner plans for next week, that’s not the best sign.

7. Make Your Relationship A Priority

Andrew Zaeh for Bustle

“There is much more that goes into maintaining a long term partnership; it’s not just all about lust and pheromones,” Susan McCord, dating coach and talk show host, tells Bustle. “Relationships take work and need to be nurtured.” As you go further along in your relationship, your partner should be putting a good amount of effort into the relationship. The “busy” excuse won’t cut it. If someone wants to be with you, they’ll make time. You will be a priority.

It’s tough to realize that the person you’re dating isn’t putting in enough effort to be in a committed relationship with you. But as Coleman says, “You can’t keep someone interested if they’re not.” Besides, why waste your time and effort trying to make a relationship happen if it’s not meant to?

On the other hand, it’s so easy to get hung up on timelines, especially when you first start dating. There’s no shame in wanting commitment and exclusivity once you’re realized your feelings. But just remember, every relationship is different. For some, life circumstances will only allow them to have two or three dates over the course of three months. For others, getting engaged after three months just feels right. If your relationship is making you feel anxious because you haven’t done this, this, and that, by your third month together, don’t panic just yet. If you and your partner can openly communicate about where things are at and where it’s going, you’re on the right track.

Original post at Bustle by Kristine Fellizar

 

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Advice Talk Show

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How Long Will You Wait if a First Date is Running Late?

How Long Will You Wait if a First Date is Running Late?

I love  collaborating with other people and was very happy to contribute to this article on Bustle by Natalia Lusinki: 

23 Daters On How Long They’ll Wait If Their First Date Is Running Late

 

Dating can be anxiety-inducing: what to wear, where to go, will the Bumble date look like their picture, and so on. But what about when a date is late? Should you wait? And how long? When do you bail? After all, sometimes things come up that you can’t control. I used to live in L.A., and it can easily take an hour driving from Hollywood to Venice Beach, and at any time of day — there will be unexpected road construction or street closures or traffic due to a local concert…

“For a first date, if someone does not call or text by the 15-minute mark — and they should let you know prior — I wouldn’t continue to wait,” Stef Safran, matchmaking and dating expert, tells Bustle.

Bonnie Winston, celebrity matchmaker and relationship expert, advises to give them a bit more time. “You should always respect the person you get involved with, and vice-versa,” she tells Bustle. “One clue that the person won’t give you respect is by not valuing your time and showing up late.” She says she tells her clients to remember the line from the book, The Perks of Being a Wallflower: “We accept the love we deserve.” “I advise them to give it one hour with an apology text or phone call and 30 minutes without one,” Winston says. However, some experts think it depends on other factors, too.

Susan McCord, a dating/relationship coach, advice columnist, and talk show host who runs Sybersue.com, thinks that it also depends on whether the person who is late has contacted you or not. “With all the ghosting going on with dating today, [people] aren’t sure what the proper etiquette is anymore,” she tells Bustle. “If your date has called or texted, profusely apologizing that they will be a few minutes late, that is acceptable. If they do not contact you and it has been over 20 minutes, I would suggest that you leave — your time is important, but they don’t seem to respect that.”

She adds that paying attention to these types of early red flags is very important. “The more bad behavior you allow from people in your life, the more you will keep attracting these types towards you,” McCord says. “When you respect yourself, you value yourself and won’t waste time with the wrong people. When someone is really interested, they can’t wait to see you and will NOT leave you hanging on a date.”

Of course, how long to wait for a late date varies from person-to-person and may involve several factors. Below, 23 daters share how long they’ll stick around.

Please click here to continue reading this post on Bustle 

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Advice Talk Show 

 

Millennial’s & Dating

Talk Show Host Dear Sybersue and Guest Co-host Andrea Wesley discuss how difficult dating is for Millennials these days! What’s going on? Do people have too big a checklist and are they too picky? Why is sex & hooking up expected on the first date and who made up that rule?

Is online dating and social media the main issue? What do you think the biggest problems are for the millennial age group?

Please leave your comments below.

Susan McCord @ http://www.sybersue.com    facebook.com/DearSybersue
Andrea Wesley @ http://www.thebolde.com/author/andrea-wesley/

 

Hot Men Help Women To Remember How To Do Their Breast Exam

This is a great video for women on how to check their breasts for any abnormal changes. Watch it to the end, even the Doctor will surprise you!

Thinking of you all & reminding you to get your breast exam once a year religiously. None of US enjoy having it done but it really can save your life.

DON’T PUT IT OFF LADIES
http://www.rethinkbreastcancer.com

With Love, Susan xoxo

A Story Written By A Delta Airline Pilot On Approach Into Tokyo During The Earthquake

This blog/story is written by A Delta Airline Pilot which I thought many of my readers might appreciate hearing. As an Ex Flight Attendant I have been in many circumstances that the general public has never had to deal with or even knows existed. I have total respect for Air Crew & the dilemmas they encounter on a monthly basis, especially the pilots. My heart goes out to Japan & the aftermath of one of the largest earthquakes ever recorded. Narita, Tokyo, Osaka & Nagoya were some of my routes throughout my 20 year career & the people are proud & very independent. This is probably the hardest thing they have ever had to deal with, especially becoming dependent on the world for help. The devastation will continue to grow in the coming weeks as more information comes forward & we all have to offer our help in our own way.

I am beginning to wonder if the Gods really are angry & trying to tell us to get along as a world nation with all the natural disasters as of late. It makes war seem so even more senseless when dealing the trauma of Haiti, New Orleans earthquake, The Sumatra Tsunami, The Pakistan floods and the endless world tragedies that occur annually~ Our world is such a beautiful place but is constantly being destroyed by so many things, At the very least if humans could get along & appreciate each other, maybe those life lessons would lessen the anger of Mother Nature and give us some peace…Because spiritual or not, someone is ANGRY!

Here is his story:

I’m currently still in one piece, writing from my room in the Narita crew hotel.
It’s 8am. This is my inaugural trans-pacific trip as a brand new, recently checked out, international 767 Captain and it has been interesting, to say the least, so far. I’ve crossed the Atlantic three times so far so the ocean
crossing procedures were familiar.

By the way, stunning scenery flying over the Aleutian Islands. Everything was going fine until 100 miles out from Tokyo and in the descent for arrival. The first indication of any trouble was that Japan air traffic control started
putting everyone into holding patterns. At first we thought it was usual congestion on arrival. Then we got a company data link message advising about the earthquake, followed by another stating Narita airport was temporarily
closed for inspection and expected to open shortly (the company is always so positive).

From our perspective things were obviously looking a little different. The Japanese controller’s anxiety level seemed quite high and he said expect “indefinite” holding time. No one would commit to a time frame on that so I got my copilot and relief pilot busy looking at divert stations and our fuel situation, which, after an ocean crossing is typically low.

It wasn’t long, maybe ten minutes, before the first pilots started requesting diversions to other airports. Air Canada, American, United, etc. all reporting minimal fuel situations. I still had enough fuel for 1.5 to 2.0 hours of holding. Needless to say, the diverts started complicating the situation.

Japan air traffic control then announced Narita was closed indefinitely due to damage. Planes immediately started requesting arrivals into Haneada, near Tokyo, a half dozen JAL and western planes got clearance in that direction but then ATC announced Haenada had just closed. Uh oh! Now instead of just holding, we all had to start looking at more distant alternatives like Osaka, or Nagoya.

One bad thing about a large airliner is that you can’t just be-pop into any little airport. We generally need lots of runway. With more planes piling in from both east and west, all needing a place to land and several now fuel critical ATC was getting over-whelmed. In the scramble, and without waiting for my fuel to get critical, I got my flight a clearance to head for Nagoya, fuel situation still okay. So far so good. A few minutes into heading that way, I was “ordered” by ATC to reverse course. Nagoya was saturated with traffic and unable to handle more planes (read- airport full). Ditto for Osaka.

With that statement, my situation went instantly from fuel okay, to fuel minimal considering we might have to divert a much farther distance. Multiply my situation by a dozen other aircraft all in the same boat, all making demands
requests and threats to ATC for clearances somewhere. Air Canada and then someone else went to “emergency” fuel situation. Planes started to heading for air force bases. The nearest to Tokyo was Yokoda AFB. I threw my hat in the ring
for that initially. The answer – Yokoda closed! no more space.

By now it was a three ring circus in the cockpit, my copilot on the radios, me flying and making decisions and the relief copilot buried in the air charts trying to figure out where to go that was within range while data link messages were flying back and forth between us and company dispatch in Atlanta. I picked Misawa AFB at the north end of Honshu island. We could get there with minimal fuel remaining. ATC was happy to get rid of us so we cleared out of the
maelstrom of the Tokyo region. We heard ATC try to send planes toward Sendai, a small regional airport on the coast which was later the one I think that got flooded by a tsunami.

Atlanta dispatch then sent us a message asking if we could continue to Chitose airport on the Island of Hokkaido, north of Honshu. Other Delta planes were heading that way. More scrambling in the cockpit – check weather, check charts,
check fuel, okay. We could still make it and not be going into a fuel critical situation … if we had no other fuel delays. As we approached Misawa we got clearance to continue to Chitose. Critical decision thought process. Let’s see –
trying to help company – plane overflies perfectly good divert airport for one farther away…wonder how that will look in the safety report, if anything goes wrong.

Suddenly ATC comes up and gives us a vector to a fix well short of Chitose and tells us to standby for holding instructions. Nightmare realized. Situation rapidly deteriorating. After initially holding near Tokyo, starting a divert to
Nagoya, reversing course back to Tokyo then to re-diverting north toward Misawa, all that happy fuel reserve that I had was vaporizing fast. My subsequent conversation, paraphrased of course…., went something like this:

“Sapparo Control – Delta XX requesting immediate clearance direct to Chitose,
minimum fuel, unable hold.”

“Negative Ghost-Rider, the Pattern is full” <<< top gun quote <<<

"Sapparo Control – make that – Delta XX declaring emergency, low fuel,
proceeding direct Chitose"

"Roger Delta XX, understood, you are cleared direct to Chitose, contact Chitose
approach….etc…."

Enough was enough, I had decided to preempt actually running critically low on fuel while in another indefinite holding pattern, especially after bypassing Misawa, and played my last ace…declaring an emergency. The problem with that
is now I have a bit of company paperwork to do but what the heck.

As it was – landed Chitose, safe, with at least 30 minutes of fuel remaining before reaching a "true" fuel emergency situation. That's always a good feeling, being safe. They taxied us off to some remote parking area where we shut down and watched a half dozen or more other airplanes come streaming in. In the end, Delta had two 747s, my 767 and another 767 and a 777 all on the ramp at Chitose. We saw to American airlines planes, a United and two Air Canada as well. Not to mention several extra Al Nippon and Japan Air Lines planes.

Post-script – 9 hours later, Japan air lines finally got around to getting a boarding ladder to the plane where we were able to get off and clear customs. -that however, is another interesting story.

By the way – while writing this – I have felt four additional tremors that shook
the hotel slightly – all in 45 minutes.

Cheers,
J.D.

New Personal Blog From Talk Show Host Susan McCord

Hi everyone~

I am very happy to have added this new blog to my numerous collection of websites. I want this one to be more of a personal opinion rather than the articles that I usually write for my video topics. Please connect with me anytime & send me any questions you have on dating & relationships as well. I love to banter back & forth with positive feedback. I will be starting an Internet Radio Talk Show in June that will be VERY candid. I hope you will follow me there & add to the conversation!

I will keep you updated as soon as I get more information on the finished programming!

In the meantime please check out my Online Talk Show on my YouTube channel
@ http://www.youtube.com/twobeavers

~I give great support to other websites so please comment & subscribe so I know where to find you~

Looking forward to meeting new friends~xo Susan