Dear Sybersue : Single? Don’t be Sad on Valentine’s Day

Dear Sybersue : Single? Don’t be Sad on Valentine’s Day

Grrrrr is Valentine’s Day here again already??? It sucks to be single!

Dear Sybersue: Dating Relationship Talk Show and Blog

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Dear Sybersue,

Oh God, it’s that dreadful time of year again where I feel even lonelier than every other day of the year being single. February 14th and all the romantic hype is a reminder of how alone I really am!  It is a very depressing day for me. I am a 28 year old fairly attractive outgoing woman living in Toronto and in desperate need of some advice on how to get through the “wrath of cupid” every year on this day!

Single Samantha

Dear Samantha,

I have this conversation with women all the time. I am sure single guys probably feel the void as well but just don’t vocalize it.

The one thing I always did when I was single on Valentines’ Day was to go out & socialize! “Screw Cupid, he can shove the arrow right up his a#s,” I would say to myself! I usually…

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Another Breakup: Nobody loves me!

Another Breakup: Nobody loves me!

Part of the dating and relationship process of life is learning as much as you can from each step you take so as not to repeat the same BS crap over and over again. Yes, that nasty heart-break learning curve that seems endless for some people. “WTF? Why me, what am I doing wrong?” “Why am I so unlovable?”

OMG stop with the pity party, wipe off those crocodile tears and go yell at yourself in the bathroom mirror! “I AM AMAZING BUT I NEED TO MAKE BETTER CHOICES! I AM IN CHARGE OF ME & NO ONE ELSE HAS THAT POWER!”  On second thought, write it out on the mirror and then yell!! Do it over and over again until you really believe it, because until you do, you will continue to have these sad moments with your pets! (I’m not just talking about the crazzzzy cat ladies!)

Any breakup is hurtful but it happens for a purpose; to let you know there is something way healthier for you out there away from another heart-breaking dilemma. You might have to bang your head against that damn brick wall a few times before it clicks into the “ah ha moment,” but even taking baby steps in a new direction will get you there much faster!

So eat a carton of Haagen Daz, down a few pints at the pub, watch a few romantic tear jerker movies, cry at old photos of you as a couple, use your pets as a temporary replacement, and then give yourself a month and get the Hell into that bathroom and start screaming! It’s time for you to move onto a positive road to something real!

It’s not always about heart-break but more about a broken ego which can be dangerous if you let it rule your choices! Life experience is never a bad thing, but you can have many more great experiences once you learn how to remove yourself from the frustrating path of doing the same wrong thing over and over again.

As Dr. Phil says: “How’s that working for you?”

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show

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Dear Sybersue: Why do so Many Guys Expect me to Have Sex With Them on the First Date?

Canadian Talk Show Host Susan McCord (AKA Dear Sybersue) answers Kristine’s question:

Dear Sybersue,

Why do men think it is their right to have sex with a woman on the first date? They actually expect me to have sex with them without so much as a discussion on the subject!

I am not a provocative woman and I am not giving my body to just anyone. Do guys not understand that many women get very attached when they are sexual with someone? Plus, they don’t know me or where I have been and I certainly don’t know where they have been!

What the Hell is going on out there? Don’t guys want any substance in the woman they are dating or is it only about the sexual conquest?  Call me crazy Sybersue, but I kind of like getting to know my  date for at least a few hours (sarcasm) before jumping in the sack with him. My girlfriends feel the same way and we are getting tired of it all. Guys wonder why women seem rude and standoffish; well maybe this is one of the reasons why.

I look forward to hearing your thoughts!

Thanks Kristine 🙂

Susan McCord @ http://www.sybersue.com
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/DearSybersue

Relationship Breakup Excuse ~ It’s not you it’s Me!

Relationship Breakup Excuse ~ It’s not you it’s Me!

 

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Couple leaning against wall.

Things are going along great in your relationship and then you get blindsided by your partner saying things are over and using the cheesy line “it’s not you it’s me!” What the F? You have invested almost 2 years together and without any warning you get the dreaded meeting with your girlfriend/boyfriend. You feel it in your gut that something is wrong, something feels different and your heart starts to thump loudly in your chest like it is ready to explode! The phone call beforehand is the first clue and the tone of their voice clearly states something is off.

In today’s world of technology I guess we should be thankful when someone takes the time to break our heart in person rather than text us the news, but it’s never a good thing when it is not a reciprocated decision!

Seriously though; “it’s not you it’s me!” Really? That’s the big send off after 2 years? That’s all they’ve got?

Is this line supposed to make the person being dumped feel better because their partner is putting the blame on themselves?  Well maybe there is some truth to this because they are the ones missing out on having you in their life so wouldn’t that make sense that theyare the problem?  Or at least that would be nice to believe when you are hurting and wanting the pain to go away.

It’s their loss right? So why does it feel the opposite?

Our egos are very powerful and do not take rejection lightly!  There are emotions and feelings attached to it as well which makes it even harder to just move on without showing any resentment or hurt. (Some people are pretty good at faking it though and seem to move on so fast; but rest assured that no one goes unscathed during any kind of break up!)  Remember that, when you are sitting at home in tears looking at old photos of your past relationship moments! Their turn will come in one way or another, especially if they end up in a new relationship right away! Taking unhealthy emotions into a new partnership when you haven’t spent time healing, will only cause repetitive patterns to emerge.

Denial can be a long life lesson. It is better to grieve a lost love than to pretend it meant nothing to you.

You were in each other’s lives for a reason and something good came out it in one way or another; it just may take some time to see that while you are picking up the pieces of your broken heart.  If someone says it’s not you, believe them!  Regardless of the reason your partnership has ended, you cannot make someone love you and that is the saddest part when you still have a strong love for them. You are in shock and reeling from the wounds of their final words!

If you take time to think about it and you are really being honest with yourself; did you not see some things had changed within your relationship in the past few months?  There are usually a few signs that show up but most of us would rather ignore them or chalk it up to our partner being in a bad mood or that they had a hard day at the office. “They’ll get over it.”

It is always a good idea to pay close attention to your partner and anything that seems a little out of sorts with them. Body language is a big give away and listening to what they say or don’t say is also important. When things are not right in a relationship, there are hints in one way or another.  Being aware of subtle changes within your daily routine together will keep you conscious and mindful of your partner’s feelings and any emotional shifting that may occur.

Seriously Though; “It’s Not You It’s Me!” Really? @susanmccord #BreakUps #Relationships

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 Please click on the blue link below to continue reading more:  10 Reasons they may say “it’s not you, it’s me!” 

http://www.theswexperts.com/relationship-breakup-excuse-its-not-you-its-me/

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Listen up Ladies! Don’t Cheat with Someone if you don’t Want to be Cheated on!

 

Listen up Ladies! If you don’t want to be cheated on in your relationship then don’t be a cheater yourself. 

Relationship and dating dilemmas are a constant discussion on my advice column and in my coaching sessions, but one of the first things that women complain about is how many men cheat on their partners!  “It’s an epidemic;” according to scorned women everywhere.  This ongoing problem is causing all sorts of self esteem issues, jealous rages and “Fatal Attraction” bunny boiling reactions within the female population.

(Yes guys, we know women cheat on you too but today we are talking about how women need to deal with this scenario. I will also do an article for men regarding this topic as well. )

Cheating! get-caught-cheating

Why are Men Cheating?

The best answer is because they can! If women were not available to cheat with someone who was already in a relationship, this wouldn’t be a rampant problem would it?  If women respected other women rather than making this particular guy a priority, it would be a lot harder for men to step out on their partnerships.

Of course not all people reveal the truth about their relationship status and it is possible to be lured into someone’s seductive charms unknowing of their committed situation.  This is why it is better to slow things down before you jump into their bed after only knowing them for one or two nights. There is a lot of pressure for women to sleep with a guy right away these days but you don’t know anything about him yet; he could have a lot of secrets!  There are many red flags in the beginning if you pay attention.  Don’t be that person who pretends you didn’t know he had a girlfriend or wife at home!

What are some of the reasons women cheat with unavailable men?

  • They are lonely.
  • Low self esteem and body image issues.
  • They seldom date or meet men and are easily available when a man shows interest.
  • Due to boredom or being unhappy in their own relationship.
  • They are too vulnerable, naive or inexperienced with men.
  • They don’t have a conscience with regards to their actions.
  • Some women like unavailable men just to have an uncomplicated sexual rendezvous. They are not interested in having a committed partnership.
  • Revenge ~ due to a past hurt of it happening to them.

Let’s be honest here ladies and admit that it is usually pretty obvious when a man is in a relationship.

Click here to read more…. 

SW Title Cheating Listen up Ladies!

http://www.theswexperts.com/ok-ladies-listen-up-dont-cheat-if-you/

Susan McCord ~  The Dear Sybersue Talk Show

Relationship Advice for Men & Women ~ The Living Together Checklist: Is it Time to Move In Together?

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We are very compatible but should we move in together?

Do couples really take enough time going over the “Living Together Checklist” before they decide to move in together? This list is a necessary tool to use when making such a committed decision.

Important questions to ask yourself:

  • How long have you known each other & do you really “know” them?
  • Why have you decided to live together?
  • How are your finances?
  • Is living together a matter of convenience or do you truly love your partner?
  • Are you moving in due to long distance relationship issues?
  • Do you know and love their quirks?
  • Are you settling due to your advancing age or fear of being alone?
  • Are you ready? (Believe it or not that is the biggest question of all!)
  • Where will you live together?  (You both have to be happy with this decision and it is always better if it is a neutral home you have chosen together and not one that either of you live in at the time ~ for obvious reasons.)

What should you be looking for in a reciprocated partnership and are you both looking for the same things down the road?

Have you discussed what your future roommate will be bringing into your shared home?  Do they have children?  Do they have big responsibilities due to pets or a dependent mother or father?  Home decorating can be a difficult compromise. She may be partial to pink ruffled pillows & lace curtains and want to renovate the den into a shoe closet, while he wants to hang his photo of “The Godfather” over the living room fireplace, prefers burlap beanbag chairs and wants to install full length ceiling mirrors & a swing in the bedroom.  (What’s wrong with that?  Come on ladies you really should be more flexible!)

What city do you want to reside in and are you OK if you or your partner might have to relocate due to a career situation?  Will this be a problem?  How do you get along with their family and if they don’t live in your vicinity will they be staying with you while visiting?  (Remember the movies Monster in Law & Meet the Fockers!)

Do you both want children?  How many and when would you like to start a family?  Is marriage a priority for either of you?  It is important to know that you are both on the same page with this and be really up front with your answer.  No sugar coating the answers if you are not into it or not going to be ready for 5 years.  Be fair to your partner and don’t just say what you think they want to hear.  There are many stories out there with this being a big problem ending in breakups and resentment.

Here is an important thing to discuss; what are the sexual expectations of your relationship?

Things can change drastically when you see each other every day.  It’s no longer quite as exciting as the early chase of a new love. You both have to work a little harder to keep the sex and intimacy exciting!  It really helps to keep things fresh when don’t see each other every evening.  Make plans once a week with friends so that your partner has time to miss you. Couples are happier when they don’t feel restrained in a relationship.  Talk about sex before you move in together, not after.  Discuss it outside the bedroom so there is no pressure in the heat of the moment.  Be really honest about what is important to you to ensure you are both comfortable about your desires and expectations in the love making department.  I shouldn’t have to say this but make sure you are sexually attracted to them and not just acting out the part because you want a committed partnership.  Sex and money are the two biggest reasons for the demise of a relationship!

You should not have to give up your hobbies or fitness regimens.  Having the occasional separate outing is healthy.  It gives you something different to talk about with your partner.  Cohabitating can be a lot of fun when you respect each other’s boundaries and appreciate the differences you both bring into the relationship.  Compromise is the key to longevity with most couples and so is a great sex life.  You’re not single anymore so don’t live that way in your partnership. There are two of you now.  Planning week long adventures on a monthly basis, golfing all weekend or making last minute plans without them will eventually lead to hurt and resentment.  The romance is not over the minute you sign a lease or the mortgage papers, it is even more important now than ever if you want to live in a happy environment.  So many people forget that simple part to help keep the love alive.  Small gestures go a long way in preserving love & happiness long term.

Many relationships break-up when the little aggravations are not addressed, also known as “irreconcilable differences!”

Some people really do sweat the small stuff in a partnership and can be quite high maintenance with their daily regimen. For starters, it is always a good idea to have two bathrooms in your communal pad due to obvious reasons.  Men have six bathroom items on their counter and they use I roll of toilet paper a month.  Women have 500 toiletry items and go through a 10 pack roll of 4 ply in a week!  (OK maybe that’s just at my house!)  Other things like towels on the floor, hair in the tub, remnants in the toilet, toothpaste on the mirror and lingerie hanging from the shower rod can eventually end a relationship due to constant bickering or lack of respect for each other’s space!

It’s not a bad idea to do a trial living arrangement  first.  This will tell you many things about each other.  Is someone more territorial in this new environment?  Are they easy going or controlling?  Discussing the living together checklist”  before you actually commit to it can be a really good training ground.  Communicating and paying attention to even the smallest details could save you many arguments and heartbreak as you work through them together.  It is easy to be attracted to someone and even love them, but it is not always easy to share your living environment with another person.  Even if the sex is unbelievable, it is not usually enough to sustain a partnership especially as the years wear on ~ you need to really like each other as well!  Coming home to someone you love everyday is a wonderful feeling and worth every moment of taking time to get to know them beforehand.

Susan McCord @ http://www.youtube.com/twobeavers