A Dating Discussion on Ghosting!

In the video above, my guest Co-host Andrea Wesley & I talk about another big dating problem; “Ghosting!”  Why has this become such an issue in the online dating world?

For those people still learning what this new millennial phrase actually means; it is basically being a “no show” or “standing someone up” on a date!  OK, so in my day back in the dinosaur dating era it did happen once in awhile, but not anywhere near to the extent that it is happening now!

What does this do to a person’s self esteem when having to constantly deal with being blown off without even a text as to why? I can see why so many men and women are fed up with dating today! There is lack of commitment and lack of sincerity and let’s not even talk about major trust issues building up in everyone.

Why is basic everyday etiquette becoming a rare occurrence? How are we going to change this before dating becomes obsolete?

What do you think we should do to prevent this from continuing?

Susan McCord @ http://www.facebook.com/dearsybersue
Andrea Wesley @ http://www.thebolde.com/author/AndreaWesley

 

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A Male Opinion: It’s hard to meet women; they don’t give me the time of day!

Why are women so rude to men sometimes?I talk to many men via my blog and advice column about numerous topics relating to women, dating and relationships. The biggest complaint I hear is “It’s hard to meet women and they don’t give me the time of day!”

When I speak to women about this frustration from men they profusely disagree that this is not true.

Well… I can tell you that I have witnessed this behavior from a fair amount of ladies at different venues in various cities in North America and especially in Vancouver B.C. where I live! I honestly think that some women don’t realize how standoffish they can appear to others when they are out for the evening.

Body language tells a big story to the audience that’s watching.

Many guys tell me that they receive very little response back from their brave hello to women; unless of course they are the ultimate “bad boy” chick magnet! (But then they are not the ones complaining!)

Ladies I know there are some real dicks out there and that the majority of you are not ALL cold and unresponsive to men, but if dating is ever going to change you have to start being nice to guys who are pleasant and who acknowledge you. They don’t have to fit the criteria on your checklist.

A kind smile and a friendly hello doesn’t mean you have to date them! It’s called human “face to face” connection and something that is becoming obsolete these days!

Women say that men only care about hooking up and having sex. “They are not interested in a long term partnership!” While I have met many guys who do fit this description; I disagree that the majority of men do not ever want a committed relationship.

Men have told me that after so much rejection from women today, they just finally gave up looking for anything real and started to make it only about sex; as women seem to be OK giving that to them early on! (Maybe women need to talk about this with each other???)

I enjoy being around men; I understand men and I have often said I am coming back in my next life as a man! My girlfriends think I am out of my mind bat sh*t crazy. “Why would you ever want to be a guy?”

Because…it would be a nice change. 😉

Men get to be who they are without a lot of high maintenance daily rituals; as there are less expectations when it comes to physical appearance. They get to be strong minded without being labeled as a bitch. They can have sex with numerous women without being called any derogatory names. Men get to stand up to pee (so jealous!) and they can have a fight with their buddy & 10 minutes later have a beer together as if nothing has happened. All is forgiven and not held onto for an eternity! Women never forget and tend to hold grudges.

Don’t get me wrong; being a woman is pretty cool and definitely has many wonderful perks but I could do without some of nature’s gifts on the emotional and biological side. And yes…we can be bitches especially in Vancouver I am told!

OK…we understand that each gender has unique qualities; so why can’t men and women just accept the differences and get on with their lives instead of continually  pointing fingers about what they don’t like about one another?

  • Why are we fighting each other and repelling in the opposite direction of ever having a loving partnership?
  • Why is the Millennium one of the loneliest eras in relationship history? Is it because we think we can always do better and that our picky & judgemental ways are making every date a one night disaster?
  • When did wearing the wrong color socks or having fat ankles become a relationship deal breaker?
  • Why did the word ghosting become a regular habit in the dating arena? When did we become so rude by not showing up for a planned date because we were playing games & never intended to actually follow through with it, or because someone or something better came up!
  • Why have we lost all concern for human etiquette and respecting each others time and efforts?
  • Why are there so many angry comments from men about women on social media sites?

You don’t have to follow everyone else who has taken on some of these negative behaviors and you can stand out by not taking part in these ongoing endless rants about what isn’t transpiring between men and women!

Don’t let yourself fall into the pessimism of what isn’t working!

Fix it!

How does complaining about each other make things any better? Why would you ever give up on something an important as LOVE? I know things are repetitively annoying out there in the dating world but there are ways to change it.

You can start by putting the damn phone away. How can you possibly interact with anyone when your head is constantly positioned downwards? Your body language shows up as removed and far too busy to notice people around you.

If you want to have a relationship one day down the road you are going to have to resort to…wait for it…Eye contact!

I know righhht?

It’s actually not that difficult to fix this problem but I am starting to think everyone gets more empowerment from complaining about each other, then believing that there is someone amazing out there for them.

When people have been very hurt from a breakup or feel rejected; fear takes over and becomes the growing root of their loneliness. These pessimistic thoughts are dominating their path; therefore inhibiting and sabotaging their chance to be able find a loving partnership.

“You Must Believe to Achieve.” ❤

10 Simple Things to Think About to Help Change the Dynamics between Men & Women:

  1. Don’t turn your nose up at anyone who acknowledges you!
  2. Smile at people you are in close contact with at restaurants, at the gym or any social outing you are attending.
  3. Only use your phone for important messages when out for the evening! Stop with the selfie crap!
  4. Do not judge someone without even speaking to them.
  5. Make a point of having a small conversation with at least 3 people every time you go out. It will start to become a natural occurrence and also make others feel special & comfortable.
  6. Do not put anyone on the spot by asking personal questions about them. Be original!
  7. Do not have any expectations about them buying you a drink or dinner!
  8. Be interesting & fun! People are always observing from across the room and gravitate towards a positive personality.
  9. If someone asks you out on a date and you are not interested; be polite and respectful with your answer. Never give someone your number when you have no desire to see them again.
  10. Regardless of past hurt, it’s not just about you and what you want in your life. Make sure any conversations are a reciprocated scenario.

PS: Ladies if you need some help getting out of a dating slump/pattern or over a breakup or divorce come and join us every 2nd Tuesday in Kitsilano at my Single Women Meetup Group!

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show        Dear Sybersue Facebook

 

Millennial’s & Dating

Talk Show Host Dear Sybersue and Guest Co-host Andrea Wesley discuss how difficult dating is for Millennials these days! What’s going on? Do people have too big a checklist and are they too picky? Why is sex & hooking up expected on the first date and who made up that rule?

Is online dating and social media the main issue? What do you think the biggest problems are for the millennial age group?

Please leave your comments below.

Susan McCord @ http://www.sybersue.com    facebook.com/DearSybersue
Andrea Wesley @ http://www.thebolde.com/author/andrea-wesley/

 

I am WAY too Young to be this Old! Right Betty White?

I am WAY too Young to be this Old! Right Betty White?

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You’re Never to Old to Wear Converse!

I am very grateful to be living in a part of the world where women have the freedom to be who they want to be.

Saying that, I feel there are still so many limits attached once she reaches a certain (ahem) age! Maybe I should have gone into politics or religion as it doesn’t seem to matter how old you are in those professions. Pope Francis will be 80 years old this year on Dec.17th, Donald Trump just turned 70 this June (who cares) and Hillary Clinton is 68!

OK so hear me out, I’m just making a few points and having some fun with this post and sharing some of the changes I have noticed in the last 15 years! You have no idea how fast it creeps on you! I now understand the cliché “Life is short, enjoy every minute of it!”

Let’s pretend I am your fun and super crazy aunt who is beyond wise and funny. The stories never end because I have been around the block and back 5 million times and I am not stopping anytime soon. You can’t wait to see me because every time we get together you learn so much and laugh so hard!!

(I wish Betty White had been my aunt, she’s my hero!) ❤

Sometimes a little unexpected shock value is an added feature that I love to share with others I just meet. “Did she just say that out loud?” “Yes I did” and there’s a lot more where that came from depending on how wide I made your eyes open up! Seriously I forget how old I am most of the time and these juvenile moments can be quite entertaining! (For me anyway.)

Here are some of the things that I have noticed lately:

After a certain birthday (let’s say 45) you start to become a little more invisible and you keep fading more and more as each birthday approaches after that. (Casper the not so friendly ghost comes to mind!) “Wait a minute, I’m still here alive and well in the flesh, don’t you see me?”

In my mind I am 30 years old and nothing has changed with how I think. Well, other than rude people piss me off even more now and I am a little more high maintenance when ordering a meal; sort of like Meg Ryan was in the movie “When Harry Met Sally.” (20 something’s may have to Google that one as it was wayyyy before your time!)

See! That is one of those things that pisses off older people! That seemed like 5 years ago, not 27! Yes that movie was made in 1989 and you probably weren’t even born yet! 

So NOW, I am supposed to dress differently and more age appropriate even though I am mentally only 30!

Apparently my wardrobe should consist of sensible shoes, long sleeved, knee length floral dresses, high-waisted jeans/pants with a long shirt to cover my thickening waist & hips! I guess I should throw out my low rise skinny jeans according to this; but I don’t have a muffin top, I work out!

Tank tops, short shorts and any clothing revealing cleavage is just way over the top and will promote gossip better than the Housewives of New York could ever hope to compete with! “She really needs to hide those arms,” “OMG she’s not wearing a bikini is she?” I say, if you can still fit into a bikini then wear it! Flaunt it until all your body parts are too far south to see anymore.

I am not really allowed to swear anymore (WTF?) or wear stilettos outside (notice how I said outside.) I now refer to them as my “up in the air bedroom only shoes!” Even when I wear my comfortable Converse running shoes (pictured above) I get that look that says “how old are you?” Listen here Millennial people; these were my go-to shoes as a teenager so I have more right to wear them than you do!

These judgmental fashion police need to get a life!

Venues are a challenge if you want to have a girl’s night out. Yes we still do that, despite our old age. (sarcasm) I am not really supposed to go to bars anymore because I will be classified as a cougar. (What’s so wrong with that? They are beautiful cats are they not?) Or is it a leopard after 45?

It’s interesting that my hot looking 50 year old single guy friends don’t have a label on them! Hmmm the good old double standards women my age have been living with for years. I am glad that’s changing now for the next generation!

I also should have new music choices like slow jazz and that enjoying Lady Gaga or Big Daddy Kane, (OK I don’t really like him but his name is just too weird not to use) is saying I am trying to be too cool & hanging onto my youth. I guess I better not post my YouTube Rap video on here then!

You can have your boring music venues but when the time comes I am going to be the fun Grandmother in the front row with my grandchildren at any concert they want to go to. Music to my ears will be, “You Rock Nana!”

I talk to everyone but not everyone talks back to me.

Sometimes people are very receptive, some give a polite nod and some just pretend they don’t hear you. It’s quite an interesting dynamic and I find the guys with body armour tattoos the friendliest, the young hot girls the least friendly and most men and women over 40 nod & smile in acknowledgment like you are part of a vintage car club.

Sometimes the door gets opened for you to enter a room and other times it is shut in your face as if you are once again “Casper” invisible. It’s mind baffling how many people don’t look behind them these days. Maybe it’s just me because I was an “eyes in the back of my head” protective single mother for 18 years who noticed every little thing around me. I wasn’t plugged in to my iphone or headphones (not even my Walkman) and I actually looked up when I walked. Go figure…

Young men and women complain daily about how difficult dating is today!

You know why? No one talks to anyone. Hello! (My bad, no one actually says hello.) Don’t even get me going about the gym! Back in the day it was singles heaven. Today the lack of etiquette is sad and mainly due to a self absorbed vanity with both sexes. The mirrors I always used to check out guys in the past, is now used to take Instagram photos of their own biceps, abs and Kim Kardashian wanna-be butts!

Speaking of Social Media…

I AM ON EVERYTHING! That comes with being a Talk Show Host, Advice Columnist, Relationship Coach & Blogger; you have to stay connected. The days of the talking on the phone are almost over so the boomer babies better start getting into the new technology if you want to talk to your kids or grandchildren in the future. Betty White is doing it and she is in her 90’s!

Being stubborn and hanging onto your flip phone is asking for alienation from the younger people in your life. (Remember, they don’t phone, they text!)

Its fun learning new things even when those senior moments hit you. You just have to write everything down! Well, that is if you can still buy a pen anymore? On second thought, you better learn to type on a keyboard or touch screen just to be safe.

Yes I know I haven’t really talked about body changes too much yet…I was saving it for last. 😉

It seemed like only yesterday my Victoria’s Secret boobs and perky butt were reaching for the clouds and now they are fighting really hard against my weight training/yoga program to slide towards my feet. WTHell? I didn’t sign up for this!

I’m wayyy to young to be this old!

I am wearing reading glasses (when I can find them) to write my blogs and I am now learning all about flattering lighting for when I make my HD videos that show your pore size and forehead veins!

I KNOW there are new anti-aging techniques to combat those extending crow’s feet (more like bear claws) but who can afford all that on a non paid writer’s wage?

So what is my point and why did I write this post?

Because I want everyone out there to know that aging is something we will all do in our lifetime; or at least the lucky ones will. The best tools to get you through each fast approaching birthday is to live a diverse life, learn as much as you can, be kind to others and always have a sense of humor! Laughter will get you through everything!!

You earned your wrinkles, your 34 C longs, your  toe & chin hair and your bunions. Your wisdom is beyond valuable and needs to be exposed! The Millennial’s need us more than they understand right now.

Speak up, never stop teaching and never stop growing, but most of all never give up due to getting older!

Now get out there and shock the crap out of some young people to make them talk again. There is no room for a sense of entitlement in today’s harsh world. Human etiquette needs to be the priority of every person living on our planet.

You can make a difference, we all can!

Thanks Betty White for being my biggest inspiration and making me laugh for all these years. You’re awesome! ❤

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show