Why Dating isn’t a “Game” & How Men Should Really be “Playing”it.

Why Dating isn’t a “Game” & How Men Should Really be “Playing”it.

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“Both sexes constantly rant that dating is all one big game! “He only wants sex” and “she is a materialistic gold digger!” How often have you said these exact lines to your friends complaining about the lack of potential partner availability?”

Dating doesn’t have to suck!

Guys; you need to be your authentic self and show women how amazing you are. You are not a stereotypical man lumped into the category: “All men are the same!”

Saying that; all women are not the same either and if you want to meet that special lady to eventually share your life with; you have to be ready and open, to allow her to come into your life.

I know you’ve tried over and over again and nothing, nada, zilch has happened to make you stand up, take notice and believe that there is a woman out there for you. Have you ever thought that you could be stuck in a dating pattern?

Is it possible that you may be a little guilty of choosing the same type of woman that doesn’t work for you? Or are you too quick to make assumptions about a woman and who you think she is before you talk to her? (I have definitely had some of my own judgemental moments in that department during my past dating experiences!)

I have had many exasperated men reach out to my advice column with their frustration towards women. “I can’t find any quality women to date!”

Do you really believe that there are no good women out there or is it a two-sided situation with both sexes contributing equally? You may not even be aware of how often your own words or thoughts may have put you into the “game zone” of dating.

  • Do you like the chase or challenge with a woman?
  • Do you find yourself waiting for over a week before you text or call a woman for a second date?
  • Are you playing the bad boy routine because you think nice guys always finish last?
  • Are you sexually active on the first few dates and then ghost women (run away) when you lose interest?

Be aware of the type of woman you are attracting.

Do you have a similar type? Is she trophy wife good looking and takes 2 hours to get ready? Is she high maintenance, a game player or evasive towards you? If your love life is in a lull at the moment, it may be time to start analyzing your choices. You may not realize you are dating the same type of woman that doesn’t work out for you.

Switch it up! You like to fix broken things right? So do it in your personal life too.

Are you a very visual man and “looks” are the highest priority on your dating checklist? This can eliminate some amazing women that may not be a perfect 10 but who could be very compatible with you.

I am not saying you should overlook having a chemistry with someone you just met but don’t write a woman off because she is not “super model” beautiful or doesn’t reek of sexual pheromones.

Learn to stand out by not playing games:

  1. When you are serious and ready to meet a wonderful woman, get yourself out to as many activities or events as possible. While online dating is a great resource, there is nothing that teaches you how to interact with women better than talking to them in person.
  2. It can be a scary and intimidating place at first so take baby steps by just smiling or saying hi to women you see in a coffee shop, event or at a restaurant. They don’t have to be someone you are interested in. Just be friendly and slowly get used to communicating with others.
  3. Practice makes perfect!
  4. Stay away from the women that haven’t worked for you in the past and put your attention towards someone you might not normally date.  You don’t have to ask every girl out that you have a conversation with.
  5. You may be surprised how much you will enjoy chatting with women that are not your usual checklist type.
  6. Get used to being friendly with both men and women everywhere you go. Really try not to make early judgements and look at each person individually. If your gut screams out “NO” to you then listen to it and move on. You don’t have to spend time with people who you don’t feel safe with or have any connection to.
  7. When you do ask a woman out; be yourself.
  8. Be honest with what you say to her and not what you think she wants to hear. Be a gentleman. Be real. Follow through with date plans, don’t be late or reschedule, put any first date sexual expectations on hold, show confidence and make sure the conversation is reciprocated and interesting.
  9. Humor always adds a relaxed vibe to the date and ensures a comfort zone early on.
  10. If you want to see her again, tell her that. No games! Call her the next day and thank her for the great evening. It shows strength to a woman when you respond without worrying about all the archaic dating rules of when you should or shouldn’t call.

Dating can be a lot of fun! Men who understand that all women have something unique to offer and are beautiful in their own way are the ones that end up the happiest down the long road of romance.  Don’t let that incredible lady get away because you categorized her into the “no date” zone too quickly.

We all have flaws and insecurities and no one is better than anyone else.

Try not to sabotage your love-life due to fear, games or stifling thoughts and get yourself out there to meet the woman you deserve to have in your world.

You are worthy of love and all you have to do is to gradually let down your guard and shake off those cobwebs of past thinking to bring it towards you.  No one said relationships were easy but by adding new beliefs and removing old patterns will definitely put you on a brighter path of optimism in all aspects of your life.

Susan McCord @ http://www.sybersue.com

Facebook @ http://www.facebook.com/DearSybersue

The Dear Sybersue Talk Show YouTube @ http://www.youtube.com/c/susanmccord

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Don’t Fake who you are to be in a Relationship!

Talk Show Host Susan McCord & Guest Co-Host Andrea Wesley talk about a subject in this video that seems to affect so many people today.

Are you faking who you are just to be in a new relationship? Are you frustrated out there in the dating market and fed up with things not working out in your love-life?

Dating today is as annoying as Hell and some men and women have all but given up on the whole concept of finding a lasting partnership. The big problem with this is; people are not being authentic to who they truly are, because it doesn’t seem to work!

Let the games begin!

Both sexes start acting the way they think someone would be attracted to them; therefore losing themselves in the process.

How long can you play the role of someone you’re not?

Learn to stay true to yourself to attract someone else who is also true to them self. It can be a long road trying to meet that person you have a genuine and reciprocated desire to be with; but in the end it is better to be in a REAL relationship than being in one that is made up of a phoney pretense.

You are a great person just the way you are and don’t change anything just to please someone else. Take your time and don’t give up on love because it is there and available for you when you are ready to accept and be the true version of yourself.

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show
Andrea Wesley @ The Bolde

 

Dear Sybersue: How Can I Have a Loving Relationship & Keep My Successful Career?

All Work and No Play Will Keep Potential Relationships Away

All Work and No Play Will Keep Potential Relationships Away

Dear Sybersue,

I am very successful and really motivated with my career but I do not have time to date much right now. I am an attractive, outgoing 33 year old woman but worry that if I spend too much time outside of the relationship market, I may end up screwing myself down the road. (pun intended!) How do I make both my career and love life a healthy compromise? Men say they like independent women but my experience has always been the opposite. It seems to scare them off!

My schedule is intense but I have a great group of assistants that I could delegate some of my demanding work load to so that I could take a few afternoons off. They constantly take over some of the time consuming tasks at the office to push me out of the front door so that I can have a life. I admit I am a workaholic which is becoming a lonely habit and making me somewhat reclusive. I used to be a fun woman with many friends and never had trouble getting a date. But that was 8 years ago and since then I have become one of those people that are “all about my career!”  Everyone thinks it is such an easy solution but I am addicted to my job and the fact that it is my baby, makes it even harder to take time away from.

What can I do to get out of this annoying scenario I have put myself in?

Hopeful Hannah

Dear Hannah,

Your question is one that many established career women ask themselves today. It is not easy to be a successful business woman, run a household, raise a family and be a loving wife. There are definite compromises that will be needed to help it all flow and not leave you exhausted in a robotic state with nothing left for romance or relationship nurturing. One of the big reasons couples divorce is when a partner repetitively becomes the last priority. Maintaining the love in your life is just as important as stepping up the next ladder rung to a higher career level. What’s that expression? “It can be very lonely at the top.”

You sent me your question because you really do want to change things in your life and you are finally understanding that as much as you love your job, there is something missing. Even your employees are encouraging you to get out and meet someone. You are 33 years old and if you don’t want your career to be “your only baby,” you might want to learn how to start sharing your energy in other ways.

5 Simple Steps to Help you Start Dating Again:

  1. Take a few hours a day to get outside the office and your home to do something fun! Put yourself in a mingle environment that forces you to interact with others. The gym, a pub (sit at the bar!) go to a group event or take a cross training or spin class. Anywhere that people talk to each other!
  2. Don’t pressure yourself to date right away. If you do meet someone quickly though, keep it simple and light-hearted. Do not discuss work at all after you leave the office!
  3. Rekindle your friendships that have been put on the back burner and be open to meeting new friends as well. This will help you get out and socialize which will allow you to meet more people and possibly a fun guy later on.
  4. Familiarize yourself with dating sites, apps or the new single’s hangouts in your city. Get to know what to expect since you have been out of the market for the last 8 years. Things are much different in your 30’s than they were in your 20’s.
  5. Say yes to invitations! Don’t find excuses or sabotage things because you are scared of someone taking you away from you career. You can have both but you have to compromise to do so.

Here are a Few Things you Can do to Maintain a Healthy Balance in Your Life:

  • Choose a partner that appreciates your ambitions. He should be happy that you have a life which allows him to have one too. (Most men do not want a clingy woman who lives solely for her man. They do not like to feel smothered.)
  • He should be somewhat career oriented as well or he may resent your accomplishments down the road. Men still like to bring home the buffalo, so to speak!
  • Be careful how aggressively independent you are. Some women put up big walls that they don’t need a man! (It’s OK to put on the tool belt once in awhile ladies but you still have to let your guy share some of those tools.) It is important to show a man you want him in your life which is better than needing a man anyway.
  • When you are in a relationship it is important to respect each other’s individuality but also be totally invested in your part of “who you are as a couple.” One sided relationships do not work!
  • Helping each other with work scenarios, believing in each others goals, & supporting each others dreams are relationship builders.
  • Never be too busy to take their call, answer their questions or make them feel like you can do it all without them. We all like to feel wanted & appreciated.

When you are in a relationship as a busy career couple; I suggest hiring someone to help out at home so you neither of you are tied to household duties, as well as your work commitments. You did not mention whether you wanted to have children, but if you do decide to start a family down the road, schedule time for regular date nights where the two of you can have some quality alone time. Ask for help occasionally from your family, that way the kids get to see their relatives and not just a babysitter. Hire a teenager in the neighborhood to mow your lawn, get your groceries or other errands. It is worth the few dollars in the long run and gives you more time for your relationship.

(Be realistic when deciding about having a family as some careers don’t allow much time for a personal life or for raising children; which should always take priority over work.)

Being an attractive & intelligent woman you will always have plenty of opportunities to meet someone, but you must show that you are receptive to it. Let down your guard & the “I’m too busy with my career” wall.  Be honest with yourself if choosing a career over having a family is your preference, but don’t make the mistake of not making time for love in your life! Relationships are wonderful and happen when your heart is available. When you aren’t desperately looking for love, it finds you!  Keep you eyes, mind and heart open but don’t give up your aspirations or passions just because you think you can’t have both. Believe you can and make the changes to allow it

Love happens at all ages and sometimes fate brings it around at the perfect time.

Good Luck and stay true to yourself.

Sybersue xo

2 Tricks for Approaching Any Guy ~ A Video by Matthew Hussey

2 Tricks for Approaching Any Guy ~ A Video by Matthew Hussey

Today’s Guest Video is from “Matthew Hussey who is the world’s leading dating expert for women. He has coached millions of women around the world to help them get the love lives of their dreams. He’s a New York Times bestselling author, has his own national radio show, is a monthly relationship advice columnist for Cosmopolitan Magazine and the resident love expert on The Today Show.”

This video is very true about how many single people react or I should say “don’t react” when they are out for the evening. As I said in my blog post  Get off Your Bar Stool & Talk Talking to Each Other people have to start making an effort to simply say hello to each other!

We ALL have insecurities, fears and doubts and as Matthew Hussey said, we are all thinking the same things! Just knowing this, should help our confidence levels because every last one of has these similarities! No one is immune to feeling rejection or loneliness in their life at one time or another but to just sit back and not take chances is not going to change your love life! I cannot tell you how many times that saying hello has opened the doors to wonderful situations in my life over the years.

If you are really shy just take baby steps with people you might not necessarily be attracted to but find interesting in some way. Or just say hi to a stranger you pass in the gym or a coffee shop. After a while it just becomes second nature and a daily ritual. Why would we go out of our way to ignore someone in the same room as us? It doesn’t make sense! The big problem of course is all the gadgets we have attached ourselves to over the last 15 years and communication is becoming a lost art. But oh…we are comfortable saying whatever we feel behind our computer which is not always a good thing!

Don’t be angry and defensive because you are not meeting someone, change it up and make an effort. If you come across standoffish or unapproachable, people will not gravitate towards you. You will end up in a vicious circle and become even more jaded about dating, I agree so much with Matthew regarding this video but men should also use the same approach with women.  Both sexes need to start talking to each other again and quit worrying about the “what ifs!”  Why not?????

Susan McCord @ Dear Sybersue YouTube Talk Show