There is Life, Dating, Sex & Love after a Divorce!

There is Life, Dating, Sex & Love after a Divorce!

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Important Things to Think about During a Divorce or Relationship Breakup!

Important Things to Think about During a Divorce or Relationship Breakup!

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Dealing with a breakup of a marriage or long term relationship will always be a very hurtful time but it doesn’t mean you are a failure or your life is over. There are thousands of people in the same situation but the good news is; there is someone special out there for you when you are ready to receive them. The most important thing to remember is we all deserve real love in our lives but we have to allow it into our lives! Life is definitely complicated and we are all here on this continual learning curve about who we are and what really makes us happy.

What makes so many of us choose the wrong person?

Sometimes this happens when we are young and naive; or we settle for someone we don’t really love. We may talk ourselves into a relationship due our ticking biological clocks and having children, the pressure from our family and friends or we just get caught up in the romantic or sexual nature of it all without making sure the relationship is a really good fit. A “forever” partnership is not an easy thing to maintain for the average couple as we are all evolving at different stages in our lives. Unless we grow in similar directions, this will be a big problem for many people.

5 tell tale indicators that your marriage/relationship is over:

  • You’ve lost that loving feeling ~ you no longer look forward to coming home and find reasons not to.
  • You feel constant anxiety in their presence ~ whether it be from fear/abusive situations, extreme boredom or loss of respect for them.
  • There is no sexual attraction at all & in some cases you may even feel repulsed by the thought of it.
  • You both have absolutely nothing in common ~ you have grown in completely different directions.
  • You’ve tried counselling and even they give you a business card for a divorce lawyer!

So now what do you do? What will everyone say and how do you deal with the aftermath?

People talk and love a good story so don’t give them one. It is sad but true how others get enjoyment out of someone else’s misery! Be careful not to allow those people to get too close to you at this vulnerable time. You are fragile enough without having to deal with all the gossip and judgmental comments from them as well. This is your life and no one should be talking about your business but you & your Ex; especially if there are children involved. It is easy to vent to anyone who will listen but it really is in your best interest to only divulge things to a trusted friend or family member. You don’t need the added drama.

Isn’t it easier just to stay in this relationship rather to have to fight to get out of it?

Nothing is easier when it is unhealthy. Everyone deserves to be happy and have a loving partnership. Many people stay in relationships due to the kids but don’t fool yourself into thinking this is always the best scenario. Children are sponges and pick up on a lot more than you may realize. If they see a loveless marriage for most of their lives it can cause problems in their own relationships down the road. Money is another big reason for many couples to stay together but you have to ask yourself if it is really worth it in the long run to be tied to someone for only that reason. You are holding on to one aspect and giving up so many other qualities of life. It’s not all about the big house or fancy car; reciprocated love and great sex is worth way more than any material item.

10 steps that can help you to get over a divorce or long term relationship breakup:  Click Here to Continue Reading More of this post!

Article by Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talkshow

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Dear Sybersue; Help! I Want to Start Dating again after my Divorce but I feel Old & Unattractive!

Finding Love Again after Divorce

Finding Love Again after Divorce

Hi Sybersue,

I am a big fan of your talk show and have been watching many of your videos to help get me out of this self sabotaging stage I seem to be stuck in since my marriage ended 1 year ago.  I am 38 years old with 2 children ages 9 and 12.  My 45 year old husband ended the relationship because he said he was tired of my sweat pant wardrobe and that I never wanted to do anything.

OK he is right about the clothing part but his idea of “doing something” is rock climbing on a vertical slab 2000 ft up, ice camping in the Rockies or hiking up Mount Everest! He’s obsessed and fanatical about staying in shape and is not happy just going for a bike ride or playing basketball with the kids!  A long romantic walk on the beach would never be a part of his online dating profile I can assure you of that!  He verbally bashes me anytime he can, which is usually about my appearance or my nursing career. He hates it that I take care of anyone but him! To be honest, I am relieved we have ended our 15 year partnership as even my children were fed up with having to be a part of all his fear factor day treks and need for control!

So…the main reason I am writing is because I seem to have developed a self esteem issue about my physical appearance and taken on the attitude of “who would want me!”  I cut myself down at any given chance and can’t stand to see my own reflection in the mirror right now.  I used to be a beautiful confident woman up until about 3 years ago when my relationship started going downhill.  My husband hasn’t really looked at me in a sensual way since he had an affair with a 27 year old a few years back.  (I found out through a friend who happened to see them out a few times.) When I confronted him he didn’t deny it but said he stop seeing her if I was more sexual towards him. It didn’t seem to matter when I was 3 years ago; he still stepped out on our marriage!

Since then I gave up and figured what’s the point? He still found someone else he preferred, no matter how many sexy outfits I wore, how many sexting messages I sent or how pretty I did my hair for him.  He just constantly threw her in my face and complained about everything at home.  He also repeatedly said how much older I looked than my 38 years! I am grateful to say that men still look at me and I am not over weight but I still don’t know how I can get past this self defeating place I have put myself in. What is wrong with me and how can I change this.  I would like to meet someone and have a “real” relationship one day!

Help!

Kristina B.

Please click on this link below to see Dear Sybersue’s answer:

http://www.theswexperts.com/dear-sybersue-i-want-to-start-dating-again-after-my-divorce-but-i-feel-old-unattractive/

Dating After a Divorce

Dating After a Divorce

Check out Dating and Relationship Videos on Susan McCord’s Youtube Channel 

Dear Sybersue: My Husband Doesn’t Want to Have Sex with me Anymore After Having our Baby!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_KPXx…

Dear Sybersue Advice Columnist for Men & Women

Dear Sybersue;

I just had a baby I feel crappy about myself and my husband doesn’t seem to want to have sex with me anymore. He says he is tired from working. He also mentions divorce in an argument when he’s mad & has said many times that my emotions are a big issue. This just adds more stress to what I already feel. How can I repair our marriage?

We do love each other & have had good times together but things have really changed with that too lately. I am a stay at home mom with no income of my own. I tell him I’m lonely and sad because he works a lot and we don’t spend as much time together anymore. The romance has slowed dramatically which is very hurtful as he used to be sweet and caring. How do we get past this stage of our lives & is there hope to rekindle our loving relationship?

Crushed Christine

Susan McCord @ http://www.youtube.com/twobeavers

Dear Sybersue ~ My Husband Cheated & Now We Are Separated! Now What?

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Dear Sybersue,

My husband & I are currently separated. What are the do’s and don’ts of a separation? Back story: I found out my husband was cheating on me, I kicked him out. I have been going to counseling on my own because he is not ready/wanting to go. I find myself constantly checking his facebook and being hurt by his lack of emotion concerning our marriage. I don’t want to be a doormat if he is actually moving on.

What can I do for myself to survive this separation?

Thanks-“Christine”

Hi Christine,

I am sorry to hear you are going through this but I must say you are handling it very well by going to counseling! I am glad that you are not waiting for your EX to go with you. This is about “you” right now because he made the choice to cheat in your relationship.

I always recommend people “not” to go on their Ex’s social media sites where they can see what they are up to regularly. That is torment & only makes the scenario more difficult. I would suggest that you remove him from your Facebook even though you may not be ready to do so.

If somewhere down the road you get back together you can add him again but showing him you are not interested in what he is doing is a boost for you in many ways. (There are ways for him to know that you visit his FB as well, don’t give him that satisfaction!) The fact that he is putting hurtful content on his Facebook wall shows little respect for you in your time of sadness.

Has he even tried to explain why he cheated on you? Was this a full blown affair or a one night stand? Knowing why he did this will offer you some clarity or closure and how you will choose to deal with this separation right now.

You have to honestly ask yourself why you actually want him as a friend right now with how he dealt with your marriage. Reverse the situation, how would he handle it if you cheated on him?

Men move on differently in a break up & women end up taking so much longer to get over it with how they respond. He doesn’t seem to be making any effort to make things right or help you through your pain. He seems to be removing himself from it all together.

Women can be gluttons for punishment sometimes & keep going back for more hurt for some reason ~ Reading old Anniversary cards, watching home videos, crying over our wedding photos, listening to sad love songs & watching their actions on Facebook/Twitter etc. While men are moving on, women are cooped up in an emotional cocoon trying to make sense of it all.  I guess that is our way of purging our emotional pain.

The best action I can suggest for you is to get up & keep moving! Try not to care what he is doing right now. He knows you can see what he is posting on social media & posts it anyway. He is moving on or at least having fun for the time being.

Try not to worry about what he is feeling or thinking about your marriage right now.  Put as much energy as possible into moving forward with your own life.

If you can forgive him down the road or decide that you have outgrown him, you will feel happy that you didn’t sit here waiting for HIM to make the final decision. In my books he lost that privilege when he decided to bring someone else into your marriage.

Wishing you much love & happiness in your new future!

Sybersue @ http://www.youtube.com/twobeavers