Is It Time for a Dating Attitude Makeover?

Is It Time for a Dating Attitude Makeover?

Are you really sick and tired of dating right now? Are things constantly not working out for you and pissing you off big time?

Are you in the mind frame of giving up on dating because there isn’t anyone out there that interests you? Do you have a hard time getting past the first date or even meeting someone to date?

I am sorry to have to say this but it is definitely time for you to have a “dating attitude” makeover!

There is something that you are doing that is not allowing you to have a loving partnership and it is time to get to the root of the problem. Negativity attracts more negativity so if you are constantly complaining about what isn’t working for you all the time, you will not attract what you really want.

Whether you believe that statement or not, it is the truth and is proven over and over again in all aspects of life.

It’s time to look on the bright side and remove those repetitive dark images that you have allowed to crowd your everyday thinking.

Even if you aren’t saying these things “out loud” you are thinking them on a regular basis. When you keep going back to those deflated thoughts, “There is no one out there for me,” “Dating sucks!” you will begin to truly believe and convince yourself of the truth in this statement.

This also goes for all of you who have given up on finding love and are cocooning at home saying, “What is the point?” You are still surrounding yourself in a defeatist attitude even if you aren’t talking openly about it to anyone.

But for those of you who are getting out of the house and making an effort to meet someone be careful not to surround yourself with people who also have a negative vision of dating. If your friends are becoming a “misery loves company” scenario, you need to change that up fast. Hang out with happy people, it’s contagious!

There is someone for everyone, so stop sabotaging your own happiness because of things that haven’t worked out for you in the love department. You are in charge! Fix it!

If you go out for the evening with a pleasant attitude and you are fun to be around, you will shine a light that people will be naturally attracted towards. This is not spiritual hoopla it is a fact.

You are lovable and desirable as is everyone on this beautiful planet we live on. When your heart and mind are ready to receive that special person into your life, it will happen. You just have to deprogram those negative inner voice demons that keep haunting you.

Being aware of what’s not working and that something needs to change within yourself, is half of the battle.

Attitude is everything and will make or break all your walks of life. Please watch the video above to see how you can improve what may not be working right now and learn how you can start to improve it tomorrow.

Susan McCord

The Dear Sybersue Talk Show YouTube

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Would you Date “You?” Do You Know How You Come Across to Others?

Would you Date “You?” Do You Know How You Come Across to Others?

In today’s video above Dear Sybersue discusses your dating life and your attitude that goes along with it.

Are you happy with how you come across to others? Do you make a great first impression or are you too rigid, stuck up or way too picky about who you will date?

It might be time to take a good hard look in the mirror if your dating life sucks.

Ask a trusted friend or a family member how you come across to others.

  1. Are you friendly and open to others when you initially meet them or does it take you numerous meetings before you warm up to people?
  2. Are you shy? Many people claim they are shy but actually appear removed or uninterested.
  3. Do you have a happy persona or is your “resting bitch face” what people see first? (There is a reason that term is hanging around!)
  4. Are you more interested in your phone than the people in the room?
  5. When introduced to someone do you give them a smile and direct eye contact? That first hello is the most important part of any interaction with someone you just met.
  6. Do you like who you are and are you proud of your accomplishments?
  7. Do you regularly use sarcasm as a form of humor?
  8. Do you openly talk about your flaws or insecurities right away, as if getting this “over with” will show your honesty and endear them to you? (Isn’t it more of an optimistic approach to show them your best qualities first?)
  9. Is your checklist long and unreasonable? Would you be OK if someone you met had one just as long or would you think they were high maintenance?
  10. Do you cut yourself down in front of others because you don’t feel you have much to offer?
  11. Are you a good communicator and able to express yourself with your words and your body language?
  12. Are you sure you are ready to date and not holding onto to past relationship drama or scars? Some people sabotage their dating scenarios because of this reason and do not even realize it.

It’s never too late to make changes to be a better person but first you have to understand what needs changing. If things are constantly back-firing from what you are truly looking for, there is a reason.

It’s not because “there isn’t anyone out there to date,” it is because of something happening within “you” that is blocking a potential partner from entering your life.

It might be time to hire a dating coach or counselor to see what is really going on. Self esteem plays a big role in how you respond to everything in your life; especially when it comes to love and relationships. Don’t be the last to know.

*Today Sybersue’s shirt is from brunettethelabel clothing line. Check out their online store! ♥

Please leave your comments below!

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show
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Dear Sybersue: Women are Fake and Only into Using Men!

Dear Sybersue: Women are Fake and Only into Using Men!

Hi Sybersue,

I know this email is not going to be pleasant but then I don’t feel like sugar coating my feelings right now!

I am angry and so fed up with fake women! I am starting to dislike the entire female population! What gives them the right to treat men like sh*t and then just walk away when they have used you for whatever they can get out of you?

I am a decent looking guy who makes a good living, but the women I meet are all takers & only into money or status! I meet women online and in social settings and I can honestly lump them all into the same category regardless of the environment.

I know I vented on your YouTube channel about this and I apologize for being a hot head but I just can’t take the BS women are handing out to men these days. I am not the only one who feels this way & it is a regular conversation with my buddies as well.

What the Hell is going on & why have women changed so much?  I just want to meet a woman who knows how to put her man first and appreciate who he is without so much judgement or expectations.

Thanks Sue

Brad85

Dear Brad85,

Hi Brad! OK since you decided to be blunt here on my advice column & my YouTube Channel I will give you the same courtesy.

Your anger is repelling the “amazing women” away from you and bringing you more of what you don’t want in your life because of it. You are repeating a pattern rather than learning from something that isn’t working for you.

Why do you think it should be so easy to meet someone to share your life with?

We usually marry only once in our lifetime so the odds of going through some undesirable dating, is pretty normal I would say. The trick here though Brad; is not to repeat spending time with the same type of women. There is something that you are doing to attract these “money hungry user” girls into your existence.

You say women have changed but maybe it is you who needs to change as well.

Haven’t you noticed when you write angry things on YouTube that you get more angry comments in return? Whether they are against you or for you, the comments are still in the anger mode.

Well… that is what you are also projecting in “face to face” social settings. It is like you are looking for these demanding women to prove your point.

You said you don’t like judgmental women so don’t lump all women into the judgmental “same category!” Try dating someone completely different from your usual selection; because I will bet you have a predetermined female type that you are not even aware of.

BOTH men and women have changed over the years and it is up to us individually, who we allow into our lives.

You must be a pro at seeing the “high maintenance red flags” so move on quickly when you see them. Read between the lines on dating profiles and look closely at their photos. The old cliché “pictures are worth a thousand words” is very true in the Millennium! (15 sexy selfies would be your first clue.)

It sounds like you want love in your life or you wouldn’t have written me in frustration, so in order for it to come to you; your mindset has to change to believe you can have it.

Women will not use you if you don’t let them use you.

Stop sabotaging things and try to have a positive outlook towards women. Lose the attitude that all women are the same; because I can assure you they are not! The minute you start understanding that is when the right one will be drawn towards you.

Think about it; would you be attracted to a woman who is angry?

Try these 5 Things to Help Change Up Your Love Life:

  • Watch your body language. Be Open & Friendly.
  • Watch what you say and do all the time! Be aware of how you come across.
  • Stop putting out any negative thoughts.
  • Broaden your friendship circle with positive people only.
  • Know that you are a great guy worthy of a loving partnership.

The less time you spend saying how things aren’t working, the more things will start to work and come together for you in the future. It’s not working for you this way so why not try a different approach?  It really is a much happier place to be.

Keep me posted & let me know how things are going. I think you will be writing me back soon with some good news!

Sybersue ❤

What do you think about Brad’s comments?                                                                            What other suggestions would you have for him? 

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show 

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How To Survive Another Bad Date & Eventually Find Love!

SWExperts  Couple fighting on a date

You are ready to go on another date but the last time you went on one it was a disaster. As a matter of fact the last 5 dates have been uneventful and downright aggravating! Bad Dates can include a variety of circumstances dealing with lack of chemistry, blatant rudeness, boredom, narcissistic behavior or something embarrassing that may have happened.

We ALL have our stories:

One guy I had dated a few times went up to use my bathroom, came down 10 minutes later and said he had to leave! WTF? I couldn’t find anything incriminating in my medicine cabinet. Talk about a Seinfeld episode! I went cycling on another first date and spun out in the gravel, fell off my bike & ended up at the hospital! Another memorable time, my date got pissed off at something he didn’t agree with, quickly paid the restaurant bill and didn’t even stop the car to let me out at my front door. I now refer to that as my “tuck & roll” bad date!

Your intuition should always be your number one guide when putting yourself out there into the dating market. If it doesn’t feel right and your gut starts churning, don’t go there! Even a text can show red flags!

 10 Things to be Aware of on a First Date:

  1. Are they attentive to you & are you attracted to them?
  2. Did they make an effort with their appearance and compliment yours?
  3. Is the conversation shared equally or does it feel like an interview?  Is it all about them?
  4. Are they respectful and polite throughout the date? What did their body language say?
  5. Do they make you feel comfortable? Are they playful or too serious?
  6. Did they follow through on the original date plans and were they on time? Did they cancel or reschedule the date?
  7. Do they bring up sex right away in early conversations?
  8. Did they take you to your car or your front door after the date ends?
  9. How much do you have in common? Does the conversation flow freely or is awkward or forced?  (Opposites may attract but they seldom stay together.)
  10. Are they authentic and interesting? Are you interested in them & really want to see them again? Make sure there is a fit and don’t ignore anything that seems insincere.

What do you do if you are uncomfortable and want to leave when you’re out on a date?

Many people are too nice or shy to say anything controversial when things aren’t going well. It is always a good idea to tell them you have a 2 hour time limit on the first date so that they are aware that you have to be somewhere else. Do not go to their house or let them pick you up until you have established a trust & rapport with them. Always be in control of your entrance and departure in the early stages of meeting someone for safety purposes.

No matter how many texts or phone calls you may have had with them, you still don’t know them yet. (There are some pretty good manipulative writers out there.) Don’t get sucked into their smooth talking ways until you have met them face to face.  Eye contact will tell you a lot about a person!

Should you be Honest if your Date is Rude?

Most people do not know how to express themselves when dealing with something like this. If the date is awful they just walk away and let it go as an experience they don’t want to repeat! You could make a difference in their life by tactfully telling them what bothered you and maybe they will learn from it. Some people really don’t know how they come across to others. You may have been put in their path to teach them something about themselves.

Life lessons are not just about what we need to learn about ourselves but also what we can do for someone else.  

I was introduced to a guy through a friend who spent our entire first date on the phone. After an hour went by I got up from my seat, went over to the server, paid my share of the bill and left without a word. I am not sure he even noticed. He had no respect for me or my time and didn’t even hold up a finger to silently apologize. It was obviously something he did regularly and thought nothing of it. I was offended but got over it quickly. Don’t waste too much time analyzing bad behavior or take it too personally. It’s their stuff to deal with and some people are just rude; plain and simple.

One of the ways to prevent some disaster dates is by pre-screening and really paying attention to the initial way they interact with you!

  • Don’t take their online dating profile as the gospel truth.  People lie all the time! Also be aware of your friend or family’s advice about that perfect person they may have for you. Talk to them on the phone first before meeting them and ask the questions that are important to you. Requesting a photo is not unreasonable or shallow. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and everyone has different tastes.
  • Use the technology available at your fingertips; Google them!! Most people are on some sort of social media tool like Facebook, Instagram or Twitter. If it’s out there in cyberspace it’s free for the public to see. Protecting yourself is always your number 1 priority!
  • Carrie Bradshaw from “Sex and the City,” says that first dates are like job interviews with cocktails. How true is that statement?  When applying for a job you are paying attention to what they are saying and what they are offering you. Unfortunately many men & women make the mistake of not really hearing what is being said on the first few dates and could save themselves a lot of time and energy seeing any red flags earlier, rather than later.
  • Cocktails may make you loosen up on a date but alcohol changes up what we perceive about a person and how we may be perceived by them. Let’s face it; we’re just a little bolder with liquid courage in our bloodstream. I know it’s easier to face someone new after a few beers or a glass of wine but if you want to get the real version of who they are, coffee is a much better choice on that first date.

Too many embarrassing things happen when alcohol enters the picture too early. (Just watch a few episodes of “The Bachelor or Bachelorette” reality show to see what I mean!)

  • Narcissism can be quite common and is super annoying! This is when someone talks about themselves for the entire first date. They brag about their accomplishments, who they know, how much money they have, what type of car they drive and often discuss sex openly and how many people they have slept with! They may as well just have a conversation with themselves in the mirror. Nervousness is one thing but arrogance is another. Caring about another person is the first rule of dating. If it is all about them in the beginning, it probably always will be.

When Planning a First Date:

  • Always have an alternative option in case your original plan gets altered due to the weather or something that may be uncomfortable for your date.
  • Be organized, follow through and always respect their time.  Do not bail last minute on a date because something better may have come up!
  • We all have first date insecurities so the more information they have regarding the date particulars will put them at ease because there will be no surprises. They will know what to wear (casual or dressy, heels or runners) if they should eat beforehand and can look up the directions to the meeting location. Ask them if they have any questions or if they are comfortable with the date venue you chose.
  • Confirm the date! This is appreciated and proper etiquette, especially if it was discussed a week or two before.  It puts them at ease knowing you haven’t forgotten about it and that you are thinking about them & looking forward to seeing them.

Dating can be a great experience if you are smart and observe each scenario with clarity. You will learn how to weed out the wrong types and eventually stop attracting them towards you. Keep an open mind but don’t spend time with people you have no connection with. You shouldn’t have to talk yourself into being with someone!

It should be a natural fit that flows without too many questions or a thousand compromises. Yes, dating is frustrating and hard on your self-esteem, but anything worth having is not always an easy accomplishment. Don’t give up on love; treat it with the same patience & determination as you would with any other goal in your life; it’s always worth the wait and perseverance in the end.

Susan McCord  http://www.theswexperts.com/how-to-survive-another-bad-date/

Susan McCord is a Dating/Relationship/Lifestyle Blogger/Talk Show Host, Published Author, Advice Columnist, Interviewer & Certified Life Coach. Susan is an Advice Columnist @ DearSybersue which is also the title of her book available at Amazon, Itunes, Smashwords, Barnes & Noble and many other book platforms.
Susan was recently named a VIP member of Worldwide Branding. This special distinction honors individuals who have shown exceptional commitment to achieving personal and professional success. Susan has devoted her career to helping others find happiness. Over the past decade she has established a stellar reputation as a sought-after dating & relationship expert, advice columnist, blogger & interviewer. She is best known for hosting a lifestyle talk show for an International audience on YouTube and has garnered more than 1.4 million views which consists of dating/relationship/lifestyle advice, interviews & comical skits.
She makes you think!

Dear Sybersue: Why are Men and Women Becoming so Angry when it Comes to Dating?

 

Dear Sybersue,

I am a 28 year old single guy who is above average looking and very fit! I have a great job that pays well and I live on my own in a trendy area of Vancouver, Canada. That all sounds good I know, but the reason I am writing is because I can’t seem to meet a woman who doesn’t have baggage or a sour outlook on men in general.

But that’s not all…

I hear my guy friends complaining all the time that women are either too independent or too high maintenance! They are turning into angry guys when it comes to dating or relationships and it’s not much fun going out with them these days. They just sit there harshly criticizing any woman who walks into the room! I admit I am not always positive about things but this is really starting to get to me! It doesn’t end here though as even my female friends are now constantly bitching about guys as well!

How did we get here?

I used to think it was just a Vancouver thing, but I often travel for work in the U.S. and it seems like the same problems exist in many of the big cities there as well. People are becoming so self absorbed and it is scary how cold we are acting towards each other. I am not a shy guy and usually have no problem opening up to women but this attitude is making me back away from even wanting to be in a relationship! I blame online dating sites for this because it has made both men and women so lazy when it comes to meeting someone in person.

What do you suggest?

Nathan

Hi Nathan,

Thanks for writing and it is nice to hear from a man in my own city! I couldn’t agree more with you about what is going on with men and women today! This is one of the reasons I decided to do a video on the topic. It really saddens me how angry some people have become when it concerns matters of the heart. Things are very different in the dating world and it really depends on how we individually cope with these changes rather than all fall into a negative place. So far we are not handling it well and things have almost become competitive between men and women!

Women have fought for a very long time to be accepted in the workforce, politics and many other areas where they were shunned from acceptance for hundreds of years. It is a new world but both sexes have not learned how to handle the equal power shift. Some women take it too far and come across controlling and some men are still from the old school where they think women should be in career status or “wifely duties.”

With any big change there is an adjustment period but there is always some good that comes out of it. Men are fighting back in divorce court and obtaining their rights financially and as fathers with child custody and better visitation with their children. Women are finally getting paid the same amount for the same job as their male colleagues, which is also a great change. Now we just need to get both sexes talking and appreciating each other!

So what can you do to change this for yourself Nathan?

1. Stand out and be different from everyone else. Be that fun guy that people want to be around.
2. Don’t let other people’s negativity make you negative.
3. Stop going out with the guys that are being nasty towards women and find other non judgmental people to socialize with.
4. Vancouver has numerous meet-up groups that are always short of men! I go to a few myself and there are some amazing ladies in the room! It is less intimidating for women to meet a guy in a causal setting than in some obvious pickup venue.
5. Start talking to women everywhere you go; a smile and a hello goes a lot further than you think. If they ignore you that’s their problem. Don’t make it yours. Continuing to be friendly and personal, will open up the communication lines and at the very least put you in a better head space.
6. When your buddies start talking crap about women, take the opposite approach and turn the conversation around into a positive direction. Misery loves company and if you don’t partake in their rants, they will eventually stop doing it in front of you.

Don’t ever give up on love. If it were always easy to find, it wouldn’t be as valuable. Meeting someone to have as a life-long partner is not a simple task and nor should it be. It is a journey with lots of forks in the road which is the pattern of life in general. (Understanding early which path to take, will make life less stressful.) Keep believing, stay optimistic and remove yourself away from people that bring you down. Changing your environment will bring you healthy rewards.

Let me know how things go Nathan!

Dear Sybersue                                                                                                                             

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