My Ex and I Are Living Together For the Sake of the Kids. How do we make this work?

My Ex and I Are Living Together For the Sake of the Kids. How do we make this work?

Dear Sybersue is an Informative and very REAL dating relationship coach and advice columnist for men & women!

In today’s blog post and video I answer Sherry’s question:

Dear Sybersue

My Ex and I are living together for the sake of the kids. How do we make this work? We don’t have the money to live separately right now as I am not working. Our kids are still little and my Ex and I decided before we had children that I would stay home with them.

How can I live with him and not go crazy at the same time? We having been cohabitating this way for a year now!

How do I have a fulfilling life while I am still with him?

I am so ready to move on from our marriage but this living together scenario is cramping any chance I have of doing that! The kids don’t know a lot about what’s going on and we just go through the day trying not to argue with each other.  We just don’t get along and seeing him every day just makes me resent him even more.

How do I deal with this and keep myself in a positive space?

Sherry

Dear Sherry,

This “type of living arrangement” is way more common than you might think. With rent and housing increases creeping uncontrollably into our financial resources, it is causing a big problem with many people today!

Singles are now forced to take on a roommate or a home stay student just so they can eat and clothe themselves. Throw a few kids into the mix and it is borderline poverty for many single parents.

The priority for you right now Sherry is to get back out in the work field so you are not reliant on your Ex.

Maybe try something part time while you figure out daycare and adjust to working again. I am not sure what expertise you have but maybe you could start a home business of some sort so you could still be with the kids most of the time.

Talk to some other single moms who may be in the same boat and maybe you can collaborate on some business ideas or at least take turns with babysitting to cut daycare costs down. It would also do you good to get out and be around some adults once in awhile so you are not only dealing with your ex and the children.

You need some outside stimulation to keep your hope and motivation alive. The kids will pick up on your growing resentment towards your ex husband which isn’t healthy for them. You can only fake things for so long!

Have a mature talk with your Ex and figure out a future plan that works for both of you. One of you has to move out!

Take turns having nights out away from each other and the children. Do not fight in front of the kids or talk negatively about each other either. They love both of you even if you have called it quits on loving each other as a couple.

Give yourself a “time line” so it forces you to keep focused on improving your new life ahead and starting over with a fresh attitude. When you can actually visualize the rainbow, the pot of gold will follow.

Don’t give up on your personal happiness and keep taking small steps to change up your scenario. It won’t happen overnight but having weekly goals will definitely bring you closer to moving on to a better place.

Wishing you well and please keep me posted on what you decide to do. ❤

Dear Sybersue ❤

I Love to hear from you! Has this happened to you and how did you deal with this scenario? Please watch the video above and leave your comments below!

Susan McCord @ Dear Sybersue YouTubeDear Sybersue Facebook

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My Ex Keeps Texting and Wants to See me Before He gets Married!

My Ex Keeps Texting and Wants to See me Before He gets Married!

Here is a question from MK that has me shaking my head. Why does this even happen and where do some people get the balls to do this?

Dear Sybersue,

After two long years of trying to get over my ex and then dealing with his engagement to a woman 8 months ago, he has recently started contacting me again. I was crushed when I heard he had met someone a year ago and was getting married so quickly after only knowing her for 4 months!

NOW my Ex keeps texting me and wants to see me before he gets married!

Why is he doing that when he is supposedly committed to another woman? His texts are very flirty and somewhat sexually suggestive.

It took me so long to get over him and now he is stirring things up emotionally for me.

How do I handle this?

MK

Please watch the video above to hear what I have to say about MK’s Question. Has this type of scenario happened to you?

Please leave your comments below!

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Susan McCord aka Dear Sybersue

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My 35 Year Old Boyfriend Parties Constantly! Will he Ever Grow up?

My 35 Year Old Boyfriend Parties Constantly! Will he Ever Grow up?

Christian’s question today is a popular one with the ladies!

Dear Sybersue,

My 35 year old boyfriend parties constantly!  We have been together for 2 years and it’s always been one big non-stop booze fest. He either has the guys over 4 nights a week, goes to their houses or we have to attend another party somewhere for someone’s birthday or an event that seems to happen for any basic occasion.

I am 33 years old and ready to start planning my future in a responsible way.

I am so tired of all the booze fed evenings that resemble the reality TV show Vanderpump Rules! There is an endless amount of  shooters that always end in a drama filled late night!

The next day involves a major hang over, infused with one Hell of a lot of memory loss and eating junk food until the same type of evening starts all over again

My boyfriend knows how much this bothers me but he always says that “We only live once and we are still young and should enjoy it now.” “We can save money later!”

To avoid another argument with him, I have started to make excuses why I can’t attend these drunken nights anymore but it is difficult because I really do love him. He thinks I am being way too serious and that we have plenty of time to be responsible.

We both have great jobs that we love, but how long is he going to be able to hold on to his when he shows up at work smelling like a tequila shooter or brewery? He has started to call in sick more often and shows up late constantly because he’s so tired from partying until 2 am on a weeknight!

Writing all this down I can see how bad things have become in our relationship and I know what I probably should do.  Is there any hope for us at all?

What would you do Sybersue?

Christian P.

Dear Christian,

Well you are right that it sounds like a Vanderpump Rules episode! I can see why you are so frustrated because it seems to be the normal way of life for so many people in their 20’s and 30’s today!

I have no idea why they would be allowed to glorify these drunk fests on a TV show! Ratings I guess…

Glorified or not, it’s not OK to party this much and still have a healthy lifestyle or LIVER! 

You are right about the drama that arises from these evenings as the excessive alcohol brings out the clawed cat in many of us. The more someone drinks the more they can handle, which then turns into an addiction that needs to be fed.

Let’s not forget to mention how much money is spent on these nights out! I am always hearing how millennials complain they will never own a house and they’ve got that right!  If their priorities are in party mode,  we know how much bottle service and fancy restaurants cost!

It is not unusual for many young people to have $300+ nights every time they step out for the evening. How could you possibly save any money for a house?

You are right to be concerned about your future with him Christian because at 35 years old he should already have been putting money away as an investment. You said you love him but are you sure it’s enough? It doesn’t sound like you do much together except go to expensive social events, so how will that help your relationship grow in the future?

You need to have the big talk with him and not just pull away doing your own thing while he continues on this destructive path. It’s time to put on those big girl panties and do what’s right for you. Tell him what is important to you and if he is willing to change things up and prioritize his future with you and his finances, then maybe you can salvage your partnership.

If he can’t compromise in the next month with his partying ways then you will have no choice but to move on in a different direction.

You can’t make someone change, but you can offer a solution that could help him see that what he is doing is a dead end scenario. It’s up to him how he handles it and to show you how important you are to him.

You have invested 2 years into this relationship and that is enough time to see if there is a healthy future with him. If he is doesn’t want to alter his present lifestyle and is happy  with the life he is living, then you know there isn’t room in his heart to give you what you want anymore.  His priorities aren’t you.

Sybersue ❤

Please watch the video at the top of this post! Please leave your comments below! I will always take time to answer you back.

Susan McCord @

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Are You Always Afraid Your Relationships Will End?

Are You Always Afraid Your Relationships Will End?

If you are always afraid your relationships will end, you are not alone!

Are you fearful of being in a relationship because you don’t think it will last? Is this becoming a problem due to trust issues from a difficult childhood or a past breakup that has left you feeling uneasy or insecure about relationships in general?

We’re not all built the same way emotionally and we are all a work in progress fumbling along until we get things right in our life.

Some of us learn quickly because we have loving support or mentors to help us figure things out, while others have to take the long way around trying to find the tools to guide them to the right path.

When it comes to matters of the heart  we all have vulnerable moments and even the strongest men and women feel those scars that seem to linger longer than necessary! Why is love so difficult sometimes?

Love is the universal language that everyone understands but many people don’t deal with their emotions correctly. They either bury their feelings, become possessive or react harshly when hurt and are quite confused about what love actually means to them. This causes all types of self doubt and insecurities as the years go by.

It is important after each partnership ends to take time to analyse what transpired.  

It’s OK to talk to someone professionally about what you’re feeling and what has taken hold of your emotional fears. In fact it is a great thing to do for yourself and can save you many years of heartbreak! Relationships are powerful and when they end it is another life experience that either holds you back, or helps you grow.

It is up to you which one that is; you are in charge. 

If you are feeling anxious in most of your partnerships, it is time to figure out why. It could be that you are choosing a similar type and repeating a pattern that doesn’t work.  Just because it feels familiar doesn’t mean that it is a good thing.

We ALL need a self esteem need boost at certain times and no one escapes that in a lifetime. Something needs to change so that you don’t subconsciously keep sabotaging relationship after relationship by choosing people who aren’t a good fit for you.

You should always feel safe and loved when you are with the right partner. 

I Love to hear from you & will always take time to answer you back. Please leave your comments below!

Sybersue xo ❤

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Breakup Advice: Should You Get Rid of All Reminders of Your Ex?

Breakup Advice: Should You Get Rid of All Reminders of Your Ex?

My weekly Wednesday video upload is a discussion on breakups and what you should keep from your past relationship.

Do you get rid of everything to do with your Ex or is it important to keep something to remind yourself of why you once loved them? Regardless of the way the relationship ended they were a part of your life for a reason; no matter how small of a reason that might have been.

We are personally in charge of who attract into our life, so whether you understand why at the time or figure it out at a later date, there is always a purpose or lesson to be learned with each person who walks on your path.

I am certainly not saying they are all happy lessons, but you needed to know something at that particular time to help you move into being an even better version of yourself! Acknowledging this will keep you centered and take you further up the ladder to your highest good.

Please watch the video above and leave your comments below or show topic ideas below this post. I will always take the time to answer you back!

sybersue ❤

Susan McCord @The Dear Sybersue Advice Talk Show
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Should You Give Back the Ring After a Broken Engagement?

Should You Give Back the Ring After a Broken Engagement?

In The Video Above I talk about how to deal with “the ring” situation after an engagement ends!

Do you keep the engagement ring out of spite because your fiance blindsided you with this breakup out of nowhere? Do you sell it? Do you tearfully give it back to your Ex-fiance? Angrily throw it in his face?

Is it a really good thing to hold onto it? Why would you want to look at it and keep reminding yourself of the marriage that never took place? 

If you believe in karma it may not be the best idea to keep the ring just to get back at your Ex for bailing on your partnership.  Maybe the universe was looking out for you and you dodged 10-20 years of an unhappy relationship?

It is never easy when someone walks away from the future you had planned together and the heartbreak can last a long time. This is why it is important to remove the memories that cause the pain. This includes, photos, social media ties, (yes, that means not creeping him out on facebook) and the engagement ring.

When Would It Be OK to Keep the Ring?

  1. If you have been engaged for more than a few years. If you have been wearing this ring for a long time then it is really yours to keep or sell, depending on how the breakup takes place. If it is a mutual decision then you may be OK with wearing the ring on your other hand. You can always make a nice necklace or earrings out of it too! 😉 wink wink.
  2. Your Ex-fiance strongly expresses he doesn’t want the ring back!
  3. Your Ex cowardly disappears after breaking off the engagement and you are not in contact with him.

Has this happened to you and how did you handle it? You know I love to hear from you and I will always respond back!

Please leave your comments below this post!

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