change your life

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Can We Really Have It All Or At Least Most Of What We Want?

Want It At Forty FiveCan we have most of what we want? Why does life flow for some people but not for others? Is it really all about our attitude or self esteem? Is it luck?

Having it all is not the same for everyone. Some people want log cabins and solitude & others want a flourishing career and a winter home in Palm Springs.

Many people are very driven & make things happen to intensify their life and then there are others who make excuses as to why they are not changing their lives in a more enhancing way.

To them, it’s much easier “not” to persevere and have challenges, then to deal with the fears that come with continual change or risk taking.

It’s time to alter that behavioral thinking; you can have it all when you believe you can!

Things to Think About When Making Changes to Your Life:

  • Self sabotage inhibits your success because you don’t believe you can actually do it or that you deserve it. You stop yourself from allowing things to manifest. Visualize yourself in a better place.
  • Childhood demons or trauma can block your creativity and self worth but can also create a fight for survival as an adult.  (It is always a good idea to see a therapist to help you deal with any painful memories that still haunt you.)
  • A mundane and repetitive routine slows creative achievement; diversity is the key!
  • Don’t be envious, judgmental or jealous of others. Learn from them! Ask questions and watch what they do.
  • Want It All At Forty FiveDon’t give up or feel defeated with anything you are striving for. Oprah became successful because people everywhere can relate to her. She persevered through hardship & childhood abuse. She is a mentor to many because she never gave up on her dream despite numerous obstacles! It wasn’t an easy road for her.
  • Stop “living in a box” due to fears. We aren’t born outgoing & confident; we learn how to be. (Setting new goals on a regular basis will allow you to keep growing; which will also enhance your self-esteem.) We all have a choice on how to improve our lives. It’s up to us.
  • Stay light-hearted and fun to be around. Being rigid or controlling about things may get you what you want at the time, but could keep you from true happiness due to a “high maintenance” attitude.
  • Make a list of your desires and look at them regularly in order of importance. You may only have a few but they will change your life direction when you start to implement them.
  • Settling for anything in your life including a partner will be a disservice to all aspects of your life. It will have a domino effect. Go for what makes you truly happy.
  • Don’t wait for things to happen, make them happen! It’s perfectly OK to take baby steps to get there.
  • When things are right, they are not that difficult. Every new situation requires a little work but if there is too much drama or negativity you need to know when to move on!
  • Be careful how quickly you judge someone because everyone has a story and they are all worth hearing. Be compassionate & kind towards other people.
  • Do not let your disabilities define you; show the world your inner strength and teach others how to understand them. The less ignorance in the world, the more we will learn to love each other unconditionally.
  • Sometimes great opportunities are right in front of you but you don’t see them. Open your eyes with more clarity and allow these things to come towards you. You deserve them! We all do.

We have many more options today than our parents ever had and we need to appreciate that. We also live longer so why not make it memorable?

Want It All At Forty FiveA few scars on your knees or on your heart mean that you have “lived and loved” and were not afraid to take chances. Eventually you will get it right when you “own” the life lessons that were dealt to you. There was something you needed to know so you can move onto a healthier & happier place.

Don’t spend your life regretting what you did or didn’t do, move on and appreciate each experience. Take the positive from each situation with you to the next level & keep soaring to new heights.

I believe you can have it all if you do not become complacent or stuck. It’s never too late to change up what isn’t working.

Once we reach 30, birthdays seem to come at much more rapid pace. This scares us and can bring out more insecurities of what may not be happening in our lives.

Diversity will keep youth on your side due to always having a fresh outlook; which will enhance your life on a continual basis. People will want to be around you because you’re interesting! There is never a dull moment hanging out with you!

It’s Important to Connect with Others:

Talk to each other, look at each other, smile at each other and say hi to each other. Stop stereotyping the opposite sex and appreciate their strengths & weaknesses. Only treat others the way you want to be treated.

I believe that there are no coincidences and that people you come across in your lifetime have a message to give you or you have to give them.

The faster you decipher these messages the faster you will be able to define who you are and what special gifts you have to share with others on your path.

What makes you happy?

Do you know your true passion?

What hidden talent do you have that needs to come out for all of us to see?

We ALL have a purpose here in our lifetime and we are all unique, beautiful and wealthy in our own way.

At Forty Five You Are OK

Never be afraid to be all that you can be; because life is so much more rewarding when you finally discover that you really are pretty damn incredible!

Yes I am talking to you!

One person can make a difference, why can’t it be you?

This post is also shown here at this other amazing website! I will post there every Tuesday @ atfortyfivemag.com

Susan McCord @The Dear Sybersue Talk Show 

 

 

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Why do I Keep Attracting the Wrong People & How do I Change this Dating Pattern?

Dear Sybersue is a Funny & Informative Dating/Relationship/Lifestyle Advice Talk Show for Men & Women of all Ages! Canadian Talk Show Host Susan McCord discusses The question: Why do I keep Attracting The Wrong People and How do I Change this Dating pattern?

How often do you hear people say how frustrated they are with trying to meet someone and that they have basically given up on the whole dating thing? It takes two people to be in a relationship and two people to make it work. This means that each person is responsible for “their part” in the whole process in the building of a future partnership.

It’s not always the other person’s fault when a relationship fizzles or has trouble getting past the first few dates; but most of us like to think it is, so we don’t have to take any ownership of another failed scenario. Some people really do not see or understand that they are in a repetitive pattern going around and round in circles. They just keep getting annoyed that things never work out for them in the love department. They start to make excuses about why things aren’t working and even become jaded in some cases. There are a lot of sad, hurt and lonely single men and women that could fix this situation if they just took the time to think about how they may be contributing to this problem.

Watch this video to see how to get the Love you want in your life!

Susan McCord @ http/www.facebook.com/Dating RelationshipTalkShow

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Advice for Men & Women: First Impressions Make or Break that Second Date!

Canadian Talk Show Host Susan McCord also known as Dear Sybersue discusses how important it is to many a great first impression when you are out on a date. You only have that one time to get it right so be careful how you come across. Watch Sybersue’s video above and read the blog below to see how to get that second date and what to be aware of.

dating-Etiquette-101

It is one thing to be single today but if you don’t know the Basic Dating Etiquette, it can leave you single for a lot longer!

The most important thing to remember in this post is that you are a good person & and are worthy of a loving relationship. Your self esteem & body language need to show this in order for you to meet someone with the same rapport. There is someone for everyone & each person is special and beautiful in their own way. (Thank God for some men who like quirky redheads!! Yay! 😉

~Confidence is a beauty all in itself~

What are the first things to keep in mind on a first date?

• Have a small “silent” checklist prioritized as a boundary guideline; do not discuss this out loud.

• Don’t go on a date with your clipboard questionnaire. Too many questions feel like a Barbara Walters interview!

• Be polite & fun! “First Impressions are a make or break future date.”

• Make an effort with your appearance. Rolling off the couch with bed head and yoga pants is not enough ~ contrary to popular dating attire discussions!

• Scent is important; be mindful of too much cologne, body odor, nose hair cling-ons etc. (Seriously people this will not get you laid!)

• Both sexes should dress respectfully & age appropriate. That goes for the Mr T. Big Ass Jewelry Starter Kit with unbuttoned shirt to hairy navel and the Cougar Camel-Toe Leopard Pants & super enhanced push up bra with cleavage that could crack coconuts…unless of course “you two” want to meet each other?

• If you want to be respected be respectful to them.

• Stay off your phone unless you have told them you’re expecting a REALLY important call. (Like from your brain surgeon!)

• Give them your full attention ~ (don’t use the mirrors to check out others in the room. Yes I had to say this!)

• Do not discuss past relationships ever on the first date! He doesn’t want to know your Ex could hold his own sausage fest he’s so well endowed or that his Ex was a playboy centerfold 4 years in a row!

• Don’t discuss sex too early unless that is all you are looking for ~ then Hell, go for it!

• Ensure you are comfortable with where you are going on your date. Just in case they have Ted Bundy serial killer good looks, you might want to take your own car for a precaution. Safety first people!

• When choosing a restaurant to take your date, find out if they have allergies or can’t eat certain foods for other reasons. You don’t want to spend your date night in the hospital because they went into Anaphylactic Shock!

• Let them know if it is a casual or dressy setting so they know what to wear. Remember not take them on a fear factor dating excursion! (No sky diving, rock climbing or cycling 50 km up a mountain.)

• Using light-hearted humor is a great ice breaker but leave the sarcasm for your buddies.

• If you are picking up your date, knock at their door rather than texting or honking the National Anthem that you are out front. Always see your date to their car or front door at the end of the date.

• Sleeping with them on the first few dates is not recommended! Too many expectations and confusion will come into play if you do this. Remember the bunny boiler psycho in the movie “Fatal Attraction!”

knock at the door

5 Other Things to Think about When Dating Someone New:
  1. Be careful how much information you give out too early; your date does not need to know every sorted detail about who you are. Be yourself but hold back on these private outbursts until you have something established with them.
  2. No one needs to know that you have had hair restoration, your breasts enhanced, you haven’t had sex in 5 years or that your dad is in jail for armed robbery! You don’t even know if there is a mutual connection yet so why would you want to discuss all your dirty laundry or insecurities on the first few dates? Wouldn’t it make more sense to show them your best traits first? Why sabotage any chance of seeing them again by telling them all these scary reasons not to be interested in you? Everyone has flaws or a few skeletons in the closet but the first few dates should be fun and not filled with dramatic conversation! Shhhh…
  3. If you ask someone out for dinner be prepared to pay regardless of what gender you are. In this day and age it is acceptable and appreciated for a woman to ask a man out. You don’t have to go to the most expensive restaurant in town so don’t feel obligated to empty your wallet every time you date. There are many great date night establishments that don’t break the bank.
  4. If you are invited to someone’s home for a meal never go empty handed; a bottle of wine or a dessert is always appreciated and expected! (It’s not cheap to impress someone with your TV Chef cooking skills these days!) Always be on time but if you have to be late, call in plenty of time beforehand so they are not sitting on the couch dressed and ready to go. Calling them when you are already supposed to have been at the front door is terrible etiquette. They could have done something else for an hour! Again…this won’t get you laid.

dinner date at home

5. Respect their time as it is just as valuable as your time!

What should you do at the end of the date?

 

• If you felt a reciprocated connection, give them a hug or a kiss goodnight. (Kissing is huge and can tell you a lot about your connection with them! Find out sooner than later I always say.)

• Tell them you would love to see them again. (Don`t wait for the three day rule to call.) You will stand out a lot more if you don’t play the obvious “Dating Game BS” scenarios.

• Follow up your date with a thank you call, text or E-mail.

• Do not say you will call when you have no intention of doing so! It won’t help your dating reputation either because people talk and they will slam you.

• Honesty with diplomacy is always the best approach if you do not feel a connection on the date. Be kind and careful with your choice of words but don’t lead them on if there is no chemistry between you both.

• Don’t go home angry or disappointed if things didn’t work out on your date. Every dating experience is something that you can learn from; enjoy them for what they give you at the time because there will always a reason you met them, regardless of how many dates you had together.

• Don’t get too eager and look at every great date as a potential spouse. (Picking out china patterns or introducing them to your parents too early will only end in disappointment because they will RUN!)

• If you want to see them again but have a very busy schedule for the next few weeks, be honest and tell them. Ask them if you can book a day on your calendars ahead of time. Most people will be happy knowing that there will be a second date and that you are thinking ahead to plan something with them.

• Never call last minute expecting them to drop everything for that second date.

woman smiling at text

  • Be careful not to be too aggressive with texting and calls after the first date. You don’t want to come across desperate or needy. Ladies; I have had a few emails from men telling me how turned off they were with women who bombarded them with numerous texts after only 1 date. Too much of anything can be annoying so wait until you are in an established relationship before you do this. Leave a little mystery!

Both sexes should relax and let things unfold naturally. If it is meant to be everything will work out without having to be pushy. With an open mind (even when a date goes wrong) it can make you see more clearly what you really “want” down the road. Everyone who comes into your life teaches you something in one way or another; don’t look at it as a waste of time. You might not see what purpose they had in your life right away, but you will understand why later. (It could be about you teaching them something, which is always good karma.)

Regardless of what transpires, go out and enjoy your single life in the dating world ~ There is so much to explore and some great people to meet. Experience is everything & one of life’s beautiful lessons. At the very least you may develop some great friendships down the road or learn something very valuable that changes your life forever. By visualizing a healthy relationship, believing and having a positive attitude, you will never be alone. People will always gravitate towards your energy.

❤ Remember; you are never too old to date or to find love in your life. ❤

Susan McCord @ http://www.sybersue.com
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/DearSybersue

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Dear Sybersue – Why do I Obsess Over Every Little Detail When I am in a New Relationship?

Dear Sybersue,

Why am I so obsessive over the smallest things when I start out in a new relationship?  I constantly think “what if it doesn’t work out” or “what is the point in even trying to be with this guy as it won’t work anyway” and so on!  I find a reason for everything to be a problem and I am talking about little things too!

How did I get like this and why do I even bother dating anyone with this attitude I have acquired?  Am I looking for disappointment because that seems to be my weird comfort zone?

Help me Sybersue!

Thank you, Jamie  ❤

Dear Jamie,

This is a very common scenario, much more than you may realize.  Many people do not believe they deserve to be in a relationship because they don’t think they are worthy of having unconditional love in their lives.  This can stem from many different situations they have endured in the past but it is usually derived from low self esteem coming from a pattern of failed relationships or childhood issues.

You are correct in saying it has become “your weird comfort zone” because this repetitive behavior is now the norm for you.  You have become stuck.  The good news is that you have recognized the pattern and want to try to fix it!  Half the battle is to own your part in why your relationships are constantly causing you to sabotage your happiness.

In cases like this it is a good idea to analyse when this first started happening for you.  Is this all you have ever known or is it a new obsessive habit?  Once you know what triggered this judgemental demeanor you are on your way to discovering a better you.  Most relationship issues like this are due to fear ~ fear of the unknown and “what ifs.”

Constantly living your life obsessing and worrying will never bring anything of substance into your world.  Being grateful for what is happening at every given moment will allow more amazing things to come your way because you are appreciating life as it unfolds.  You are looking at it in a positive way and are accepting of these new experiences, no matter how insignificant they may seem at the time.  Sometimes the smallest things in life end up being the biggest life changers.

Thanks for writing Jamie and for bringing this conversation to light for numerous other men & women dealing with the same issue.  If we all look deep inside ourselves we can usually find the answers we are searching for.  By bottling up our emotions and repeating old patterns we are not bettering who we are meant to be.  Growth is constant and never stops changing who we truly are.  Being aware that we can continually evolve right into our final years on earth is a gift we all have been given ~ don’t waste it on what ifs...

Susan McCord @ http://www.facebook.com/DatingRelationshipTalkShow

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Dating/Relationship/Sex Advice ~ Can We Truly Love Two People at the Same Time?

Is it truly possible to be in love with two people at the same time?

Most people will say that it isn’t possible & if you truly had powerful feelings of love for one person then you couldn’t possibly share those feelings with another. Many say that it means you must not have “truly loved” your partner, to be so easily taken away into someone elses arms. It is also said that there must be some major problems in the first relationship to make you tempted to go there.

We are all true romantics at heart & want to believe that when we tie the knot or commit with someone, we will always love that person and everything will be flawless.

It is a huge commitment to give yourself to someone for life and knowing that it could be taken away at any given moment, is the main reason so many people are insecure in relationships.

By loving our children & our partner, we are loving more than just one person. People will argue that the love we have for our kids is very different from “our relationship love”, but not always. Would you not die for them? Sacrifice things in your own personal life for them? Give them a kidney? Would you not do that for your partner as well? The main difference is you have sex, intimacy & romantic feelings for them. As the years go by in a long-term relationship the sex is not as frequent and many couples live in a companionship environment. Isn’t that a similar love that you share with your children? The biggest difference is; we love our children unconditionally but have more expectations from our partners!

Children Can Teach a Person so Much About Love:

How to be selfless & put someone else first
To be compassionate
How to Be patient
To lighten up on expectations & conditions
You want them to be the best they can be
You brag about their accomplishments

When you fall for someone as well as your partner, they are bringing something into your life that is missing.

This is not always a detriment to your present relationship & it may be something you didn’t even know about yourself that was important or missing, but all of a sudden you feel alive by what this other person brings into your world. Nothing is easy about this situation. Many people end up alone when venturing into this scenario because someone usually ends up getting hurt. (More often than not, the one that leaves a relationship for another person, is the one who gets dumped down the road.)

The trust is never complete when you are taken away from another relationship. Quite ironic, isn’t it? It’s all wonderful until you are exclusive with that “new love”, and then you spend all your time wondering if they are doing the same thing with another person.

Are we starting to remove ourselves from long monogamous relationships of the past?

Is it the forbidden fruit that makes us wander, or are we just plain bored being with the same person for years? Being torn between two lovers is happening more today, due to this monotony & n social networking availability. Back in the day of our parents, it was expected to be married once and celebrating a 40 year Anniversary was the norm. (They also married at a much younger age as well.)

Today both men and women have careers and the chances of meeting someone you may be attracted to is much more in your face now. This is all the more reason people who are in a relationship should never become complacent at home. Getting too comfortable may invite a change that you are not prepared for. If the chemistry is overpowering between two people, it is “not” easy to side step away from those powerful pheromones. It’s like a bakery & the teasing baked bread smell, eventually temptation will lure you into the shop. If you do decide to go for both scenarios, how do you handle being involved with 2 people? The guilt you feel can be over powering!

It is possible to fall for your pool boy & your husband at the same time but it may be for totally different reasons. It could start out as an unbelievable infatuation that goes beyond anything you have had before. It could be purely sexual, or emotional. Having an emotional intimacy is what many women are missing in a long term relationship. Many women need that connection before they can have sex with someone & men need the sexual connection to keep their relationship alive.

Enjoying sexual intimacy is always better when love is attached to it, but it is not always available and timing is everything. If you have a great communication with your partner & can talk about what needs to be addressed, there will be less of a chance of feeling these voids. Everyone has the same relationship issues after the initial euphoric passion wears off ~ It is how we care for the foundation that will keep it alive & keep us from hopping from one relationship to the next. Sometimes a person comes into our life to help us realize it is time to move on & occasionally it helps us to see what a powerful love we are blessed with at home. Whatever the scenario, be honest with yourself & your partner on what you need in your life, don’t let them be the last to know or hear it from someone else. Always put yourself in their shoes & how you would feel.

Susan McCord @ http://www.youtube.com/twobeavers