Seriously, what does “We are taking a break in our relationship” really mean?
This video from 5 years ago is still a very popular topic today! I wanted to re-post due to all the ongoing comments about this video on my YouTube channel. I am not usually as opinionated on my show but this conversation always gets me going!
So many people are into taking a break in their relationship today! How do they get away with their partners being OK with it? Isn’t this the same as having your cake & eating it too? The best of both worlds?
Isn’t this is just a cowards way of eventually ending a relationship because they don’t want to be alone right away & they can keep their options open? Both sexes initiate this scenario today, especially in the millennial crowd.
Wouldn’t it be better to stay single & date rather than have to hurt someone in this manner? It is not a nice place to be; waiting on the sidelines for someone and it is seldom reciprocated where both people in the partnership are on board with this.
What are some of the reasons that your partner wants to take a break?
- They are easing into a full time breakup.
- It can be used as a threatening ultimatum tool to get something more out of the relationship that they are not receiving.
- It allows more nights out with friends or separate vacations.
- Stalls the marriage discussions.
- Keeps you guessing by playing hard to get. Might be trying to take back some power in the relationship.
- Being the one always in control.
- They have health issues or heavy stress in their lives & can’t cope.
- They like you but are not in love with you.
- They just really want the best of both worlds!
Ultimately taking a break means the relationship is pretty much over. If you are bored, or have fallen out of love, what is a break going to do? You can’t force yourself to love them.
If you take a break & then end up getting married down the road, it often ends up in divorce because the same problems are still there that always have been. People do not change that much and if something is missing in the partnership, it is usually a compatibility issue.
If you do agree to a Break, what are the RULES?
- Are you allowed to date or have sex with others?
- Do you see each other at all during this break?
- Is there regular communication or are you completely cut off from each other?
- Are you still having sex with them sporadically? (If so are you OK with basically being demoted to a booty call?)
- How long is the break for? Is there a set time limit?
This scenario is really not a good situation to fall into. You are temporarily on hold so they can do there own thing or so they can open the doors to finding someone else. There is a chance that they may “settle back in with you” after they have had their fun but will you ever feel good about that?
Could you trust that they really love you or will there always be an insecurity that it will happen again?
Don’t allow yourself to be number two. If a relationship is right, it really isn’t that much work. When two people really love each other they love their time together!
If you are at the stage where you want to take a break in your relationship you should be honest with yourself and clarify what it is you really want. So many people have made angry comments about this video but they are always the ones that initiated the break!
Ending a relationship with someone gives both people a chance at a new beginning but asking your partner to “take a break” is not fair to them. They are put in a position of hanging around waiting for you to decide whether you want to be with them or not. How is that cool? Don’t you honestly think it is a little selfish?
So the next time someone asks you to “take a break,”ask them what they really mean. If you decide to honor their wishes, tell them there will be no contact, no booty calls, no texting, nothing! It’s a total break not a partial break. They can’t have it both ways.
Susan McCord The Dear Sybersue Talk Show
Whether it’s a break or a break up (like what I’m going through)…I really believe space is what’s important…true space…without any knowledge of the other: http://meantforsomethingbetter.com/2012/04/11/dont-look/
Hi there…Space can work for some people but I still believe it is better to work things out together rather than separately. There are always exceptions as in every case. Wishing you much happiness & I hope it all works out exactly the way you want it to with your partner. ~Thanks for taking the time to write ~
this is very clear! i hope people who want to take a break should know the real meaning of it after reading your post.
Thanks for your feedback!
I realize it is a “strong” article but I know way too many people who have had to deal with the fallout of this scenario.