Welcome to Dear Sybersue! Today’s question is from Angela. My Ex-Husband Just Remarried But My Kids Don’t Want Me to Date!
My Ex and I have been divorced for 5 years and he recently remarried. My two kids (girls) are 17 and 19. They get along great with their new stepmom but have told me that they do not want me to date or be in a relationship!
I am 42 years old and would like to meet a wonderful guy but I feel guilty because of my kids. What should I do? I am ready to move on and live the second part of my life with someone special.
Why do your children not want the same happiness for you as their father has within his new partnership? It is pretty selfish of them to expect you to stay single and void of having love in your life again. What is their reasoning behind these demands?
Both of your girls will be leaving home within the next five years and living their own lives, so where will that leave you when they are gone? Do they think it is fair that you should have to live alone because they don’t want to see you with another man?
Where did these young women get this double standard idea and that it is OK to project this onto you, their mother? You need to stand up to your children Angela and not let them dictate how you live your life.
Their dad has made his choice in remarrying and the kids are very accepting of their new stepmom, so you should not feel guilty about dating. You have to teach your girls that it is not OK to expect this of you. It is disrespectful to how they are treating you.
I am not sure if you are on good terms with your Ex-husband but regardless, I would strongly suggest that you ask him to attend a family meeting on this subject. He should have your back and have a healthy chat with his daughters about their unrealistic expectations regarding their mother’s happiness.
It can be difficult for teens to go through the harshness of divorce during those formative years and some kids hold onto the hurt for years to come. Mom’s are usually the nurturers at home and for that reason, some children have a hard time letting go of mom’s love. They don’t want to share it with anyone else.
Explain to your girls that you aren’t going anywhere and that you have so much love in your heart for them and that will never change. Make them a priority when you first start dating again and maybe date outside your home until you decide there is a future with someone.
They don’t need to meet everyone you date and they don’t need you to tell them every little thing either. Sometimes too much information is just not a good thing! Respect their feelings but respect yours as well. You want your girls to go into adulthood learning the right way to understand what selfless love is.
Sybersue xo <3
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