Is Sexual Chemistry Really Important in a Relationship?

Is Sexual Chemistry Really Important in a Relationship?

Having a reciprocated sexual chemistry is a common priority for many single men and women and if the passion isn’t there right away it will often put and end to pursuing any further courtship with them.

How do you know when you have chemistry with someone and that they feel the same way?

This intense sexual power is not the same for everyone and we all have our unique version of what that means to us individually.  Sometimes the pheromones are so powerful that it actually pulls you towards them like a magnetic force. There is a unmistakable euphoric magic in the air. Other times it is as simple as a gaze across the room that telepathically draws you in.

What are the signs?

  • There is an overwhelming urge to be close and touch them. It is like an electric current that is pulling you into them.
  • Timing isn’t always the best and it can happen with someone who is “out of bounds,” but this undeniable sensual feeling is very hard to ignore!
  • You have an excited nervousness that you are not used to feeling.
  • It can often trigger an arousal in the loin area just being near them!
  • There is an amazing urge to kiss them right there on the spot.
  • You may be willing to sleep with them as quickly as possible despite maybe having strong morals.
  • You are drawn into their eyes & have trouble focusing on what they are saying. It may bring out a shyness you are not used to or it could make you bolder than you have ever been in your life!

These reciprocated powerful feelings are a beautiful gift if you are both fortunate enough to be single but they can also be the catalyst in many relationship breakups! Due to the magnitude of this electrical current, some people tend to step over their boundaries; acting on these sexual impulses first & dealing with the repercussions later.

There are different levels of chemistry.

Sometimes it is slow and drawn out and becomes more powerful over time but more often it is an instant feeling that blindsides your existence. Chemistry is something that you feel an uncontrollable passion about. There is nothing quite as powerful when you can feel someone‘s sexual energy matching yours.  The endorphins are mesmerizing!

So is this a short lived scenario that is doomed from the start? Will it fizzle and die just as fast as the flame was lit? 

This depends on how often you see each other and if the couple are on the same page with how they nurture these intensified pheromones!  Some people enjoy having a sexual relationship without the love; more of a friend’s with benefits rapport. They can become addicted to this “initial” sexual excitement and move on when the intensity dies down.

This can be very confusing or hurtful to those people who want an actual relationship and not just a fling! It is not easy to keep sexual chemistry in a passionate zone for years to come. You can definitely still have a great sex life but it is the lucky ones that can still passionately lust after their partner 25 years later! Keeping love alive is a full time job but well worth the investment!

Does age make a difference in how a person looks at sexual chemistry?

As a person matures, so does their awareness. They may become more selective or intuitive due to some of the mistakes they have made in the past. Now when they feel this powerful spark, they know it! There is no time wasted because it isn’t something that we have everyday.  It isn’t as common as we want to believe.

In your younger years when you are “sexually peaking” everything is experimental. Everyone looks good and feels good for a while until you start to differentiate with new emotions. In high school most crushes are due to an instant chemical attraction. No one is thinking about their future yet so it usually ends up as a lustful encounter before moving onto the next conquest. This can be very difficult for teenage self esteem because of the lack of education when it comes to how to deal with sex, love and relationships.

How do you keep chemistry from fading?

  1. Ask your partner what love and sex means to them in a partnership. Sharing your feelings keeps you close.
  2. Nurture partnership continuously. Don’t become complacent or take things for granted! Always make an effort to keep your partner attracted to you.
  3. Many couples let their sexual chemistry fade by allowing other daily routines to replace passion. Loving each other first should always be your #1 priority. (Yes even over your children!)
  4. Think back to when you first became a couple, everything else in your life took second place. Keeping the chemistry alive will keep your relationship alive!
  5. Date Night is important! Many parents today think it is selfish to get a babysitter and have a night to themselves. This is a big mistake. Is it better for the kids to come from a divorced family because their parents forgot how to love each other?

The key to keeping the chemistry alive over the years is exactly that, “keeping it alive:”

  • Put notes or something sexy in their briefcase or lunch bag.
  • Really listen to each other. Many couples stop hearing what their partner needs or wants in their partnership.
  • When they have to travel without you Facetime them wearing something sultry that you know they like. Treat it like a cyber date night.
  • Leave a sweet note under their pillow or on the counter when you are not with each other.
  • Buy them small gifts that remind you of them for no reason other than you love them.
  • Answer their texts or phone calls right away. Do not leave them hanging waiting for a response.
  • Say something loving to them every day. It goes a long way and leaves no questions how you feel about them.
  • Listen to what they would like to do; whether it is a holiday trip somewhere, a specific restaurant or event and surprise them with making it happen.
  • Compliment their achievements no matter how small.
  • Always have their back.

There are four elements of romantic chemistry: Physical, Mental, Emotional and Spiritual. How great would it be to have all four!

Most love situations will have a few barriers that will need to addressed here and there. You both will have to be creative on a daily basis to keep the chemistry alive. Juggling busy careers, children, medical issues and financial responsibilities can play a large part in destroying even the most overpowering chemistry.

Taking the time to be grateful for what you do have together will help keep perspective in how fortunate you really are as a couple. Life throws us all regular curveballs, but it is how we deal with them that will keep us in a happy place. Feeling secure is very important & communication is the key to keeping the passion alive in any relationship.

Always be there for each other.

Susan McCord @


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