I have have received quite a few emails from men writing my advice column lately with the same dating question. It seems that many men are perturbed with women & their mixed signals. The women seem to be very interested in the beginning but then start to act disinterested or start playing hard to get by being unavailable or too busy! There has been 8 men corresponding with me regularly from different parts of the world asking me to help them figure out why their dating life is such a problem. They are meeting women online for the most part but two of them are in toxic relationships with women they met through a friend’s introduction.
The common scenario and why these men are all having a similar dating problem is because they are choosing very high maintenance women who have a sense of entitlement attitude. They are so attracted to their physical appearance that they can’t see anything else. So how’s that working for them? It’s not!! I have to say though, they have all been very receptive to my colorful comments and I am impressed at how open they are when I give them honest feedback. They were really listening and trying to get past this shallow place of choosing women strictly for their beauty. They admitted it was like an addiction and hard not to repeat the same scenario.
Without going into detail about their personal issues here are a few of the things the men have shared with me about their experiences with the women they have dated.
- The women walk all over the men and take advantage of their nice guy persona.
- Their expectations are way over the top with regards to the men paying for everything.
- The women are evasive about seeing them again or setting up a future date, but seem really interested!
- They act hot and cold. One day they are super affection the next day they are almost dismissive.
- Use sex as a manipulating tool!
So what is the problem here and isn’t this the same thing that women complain about with regards to dating men?
Both men & women want the same things but they don’t often realize that. It is very interesting how alike we are when it comes to love. Here are some of the checklist priorities that you should adhere too when dating someone.
Advice To Both Sexes:
- Always leave a little bit of mystery about who you are. You don’t need to put your heart, body & soul on the table with every potential partner on the first few dates. Being too accommodating and overly available can be a big turn off in the early stages!
- Do not ever put yourself as number two (taking a backseat to another person etc. If they are too busy or still getting out of a past relationship, move on.)
- Respect their time; being late or canceling last minute is rude and should not be tolerated!
- Do not lead anyone on if you are not interested in them. Seeing someone because you do not want to be alone is selfish and insecure.
- Putting yourself out there too early sexually can send out a different signal than you may want. Sex changes expectations.
- Watch how picky your checklist is! Would you want to meet someone with your outrageous demands?”
- Go out on at least 2 dates before you make your decision. Many people are shy, nervous or reserved when first meeting someone. Give them a chance!
- Being too clingy or overly affectionate is a sign of control or insecurity, so be careful how touchy/feely you are in the beginning. Don’t bombard them with texts either!!
- Both sexes should offer to pay or at least contribute every few dates. Women should not assume it is always the man’s duty. And guys…don’t complain about high maintenance women if you keep choosing them. They aren’t hiding anything so it is your choice to be there. Go with it or get out but don’t paint all women with the same brush.
- If something is uncomfortable or bothering either sex during the date, it should be discussed & not left to fester. Communication is the key to a good relationship.
It is very important to always respect yourself first. How you act on those first few dates is setting a precedent on how things will be expected each time you see them. If you try too hard, come across needy or you are willing to pull out your wallet at every given chance; you are setting yourself up for a repetitive dating pattern. Own your part in why things are not working out the way you would like and things will start to change for you and your dating life. If you are constantly exasperated with either meeting the wrong people or not dating at all, there is something within yourself that you are doing to sabotage your happiness. It is never too late to change what isn’t working and find the love you deserve. <3
Susan McCord @ Dear Sybersue Talk Show http://www.youtube.com/tc/susanmccord
