Dear Sybersue: Why do Some guys Come on so Fast and Then Disappear Just as Fast?


Dear Sybersue,

I am writing in complete frustration and sadness about a dating dilemma I have been dealing with for as long as I can remember.  I am 25 years old and live in Chicago.  I am very fortunate to meet guys who I actually have a great chemistry with and many things in common with as well.  I do get asked out fairly often but the problem is what transpires after the first month or approximately 5-7 dates with them.  I don’t sleep with them right away but wait until I feel that they are not just there for sex.

All these guys seem really excited about our initial connection and say and do all the right things.  They even talk about the future and plan vacations, get me to meet all their friends and tell me how lucky we are to find each other!  It definitely makes a girl feel wanted and there is no question as to how they feel about me!  It’s hard not to really like them and respond back with the imgressame enthusiasm.  Things seem to be reciprocated and I think “Wow, I can see really myself with this guy for the long haul.”  Every date they are really excited to see me and send me many beautiful texts throughout the day. 

What happens next is they start pulling back and being distant.  Out of nowhere they stop making any effort and all those nice words have come to mean a bunch of BS!  I have even had a few
guys call me clingy!!  I didn’t change anything with my actions at all but they say I am the one who is moving way too fast!  Seriously this is messed up!  Why do they come in like a “bull in heat” and then run away saying I’m the one with the problem and I am too needy for them?!

I have had trust issues over the years as I was raised by a single mother & I had an absentee father who I only saw a few times over the years.  It took me a long time to learn how to let my guard down and let a man into my heart.  I guess I need some more work in that department judging by my choice in men these days. What do you suggest I do?  My self esteem is taking a beating and I have started to become a hermit and don’t want to be around people right now.

Thanks Sybersue, I am looking forward to hearing back from you, Amanda

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