Dear Sybersue – Why do I Obsess Over Every Little Detail When I am in a New Relationship?

Dear Sybersue,

Why am I so obsessive over the smallest things when I start out in a new relationship?  I constantly think “what if it doesn’t work out” or “what is the point in even trying to be with this guy as it won’t work anyway” and so on!  I find a reason for everything to be a problem and I am talking about little things too!

How did I get like this and why do I even bother dating anyone with this attitude I have acquired?  Am I looking for disappointment because that seems to be my weird comfort zone?

Help me Sybersue!

Thank you, Jamie  <3

Dear Jamie,

This is a very common scenario, much more than you may realize.  Many people do not believe they deserve to be in a relationship because they don’t think they are worthy of having unconditional love in their lives.  This can stem from many different situations they have endured in the past but it is usually derived from low self esteem coming from a pattern of failed relationships or childhood issues.

You are correct in saying it has become “your weird comfort zone” because this repetitive behavior is now the norm for you.  You have become stuck.  The good news is that you have recognized the pattern and want to try to fix it!  Half the battle is to own your part in why your relationships are constantly causing you to sabotage your happiness.

In cases like this it is a good idea to analyse when this first started happening for you.  Is this all you have ever known or is it a new obsessive habit?  Once you know what triggered this judgemental demeanor you are on your way to discovering a better you.  Most relationship issues like this are due to fear ~ fear of the unknown and “what ifs.”

Constantly living your life obsessing and worrying will never bring anything of substance into your world.  Being grateful for what is happening at every given moment will allow more amazing things to come your way because you are appreciating life as it unfolds.  You are looking at it in a positive way and are accepting of these new experiences, no matter how insignificant they may seem at the time.  Sometimes the smallest things in life end up being the biggest life changers.

Thanks for writing Jamie and for bringing this conversation to light for numerous other men & women dealing with the same issue.  If we all look deep inside ourselves we can usually find the answers we are searching for.  By bottling up our emotions and repeating old patterns we are not bettering who we are meant to be.  Growth is constant and never stops changing who we truly are.  Being aware that we can continually evolve right into our final years on earth is a gift we all have been given ~ don’t waste it on what ifs...

Susan McCord @


  1. I wish to point out my appreciation for your kind-heartedness for folks who require help with this important study. Your special commitment to getting the message throughout ended up being extraordinarily good and have usually permitted guys and women much like me to achieve their dreams. The warm and friendly tips and hints implies a whole lot to me and substantially more to my office colleagues. Best wishes; from each one of us.

Thank you for visiting Sybersue! Your comments and topic ideas are always appreciated!