Dear Sybersue,
OK I know I may get some flak from my buddies for asking this question but I have to be honest and say that I find it a turn off when women are so easily ready to jump into my bed. I want to get to know a woman first before I decide if I want to share such an intimate bond with her. (Besides, don’t men know how most women become attached after they sleep with someone?? ~ I have never forgotten that “ball busting” movie Fatal Attraction!)
The interesting part of this question to you is; I am not the one who discusses sex, flirts with my date or hints at anything remotely sexual and I keep my eyes above their neck at all times. I am an attractive 6 ft. 29 year old man who is very fit & very much the gentleman. I have dated numerous women (20-25) age range over the last 3 years but have a hard time meeting someone who respects herself and has some boundaries. My female friends are always complaining that men only want one thing and that is sex, but in my case women are the ones offering!! What gives Sybersue?
Prudish Phil
Dear Phil,
The one thing you are not Phil, is prudish. You have morals and respect for yourself & for women. That is a great way to be, which is probably why you are so attractive to all these women & have no problem meeting them regularly. They see you as a wonderful catch & think that if they sleep with you right away they have a better chance of holding onto you! I still find it hard to believe in this day & age women haven’t understood the intrigue men have to enjoying a little “mystery,” especially in the early stages of a relationship. It is a turn off if everything is thrown out on the table too soon. Literally! Many men I have spoken with assume that when a woman is easy with them, they are easy with everyone. Yes, anyone who has seen the movie “Fatal Attraction,” has never forgotten that loud & clear message! Bunny Boilers are still around today, so be careful who you sleep with too quickly!
The one thing I can suggest to you Phil is when you are out on a date don’t look so damn good!! (kidding) Seriously, choose women that are more settled in their lives with their careers & maturity levels. You may have to date a little older as these women are probably fed up with superficial one night stands & want someone who has passion outside the bedroom as well. I am not sure how you are meeting these women you are dating, but you might need to be more particular in who you are initially drawn towards. If they are all similar types, change it up and try dating someone outside of your usual pheromone zone. You may not be aware that you are sending out sexual signals ~ some guys just have it! George Clooney comes to mind…
Take some time off from dating for a month or two and see if your scenario changes. We all need to step back and analyse our own “behavioral choices” sometimes. Ask a friend if they notice any patterns with whom you date or how you come across. You may not be aware of some things that could help you to find lasting love down the “relationship road.” The last piece of advice I would give you, would be to be honest with what you truly want. We usually attract what we are putting out to the Universe so maybe your heart is not truly ready for a serious partnership, or you are torn with having a commitment due to internal fears from something in your past.
The fact that you are 29, you are now in another 7 year cycle and things can be confusing. Turning 30 is one of the toughest birthdays for both men & women because so many people at this age do not feel like they’re where they are supposed to be in their life yet! They feel a lot of pressure & become anxious which causes them to make reactive decisions. Learning how to enjoy every birthday without pressure will help you make smart choices in life. I was divorced at 30 and I’m still learning something everyday & happy to embrace all situations that come my way. Diversity & owning your choices, is the stepping stone to happiness.
Please let me know how things go for you Phil, I would love to hear back on what transpires.
PS: I love going to weddings (hint hint)
Ciao for now, Sybersue
