Dear Sybersue:
I found you through your video Relationship Advice: What Does “Taking a Break” Really Mean? http://youtu.be/dapjA_37C7g
I wish I had a Guardian Angel…My situation is getting too much for me to handle. I have big family problems, my studies are an ongoing issue and my relationship is in constant turmoil. I am 11 years younger than my boyfriend and we have been together for more than 32 months. He knows about my problems and we both love each other so much.
The trouble is, I am losing my patience and can’t tolerate his bad behavior, judgmental attitude, anger and jealousy all the time. He doesn’t respect all my decisions and wants me to change things about myself. I have pulled the trigger 5 times, end up crying like hell but then always end up patching things up with him.
Yesterday I thought I should break up with him for good but then I messaged him on Facebook and suggested taking a break instead. We might change in the meantime, right? This break is really horrible and I have no one to turn to and can’t make a firm decision! I guess I always want to balance everything w/o having to lose anything! I am so frustrated! Please help me, please…
M
Hi M,
I am very sorry to say but it sounds like your relationship may have run its course due to the fact that you have broken up 5 times and your bf wants YOU to change. You have to ask yourself what keeps you there if he is judgmental, angry & jealous all the time. It may be that you are afraid of being alone, which is one of the reasons so many people stay in broken relationships.
After almost 3 years together there shouldn’t be this much drama and need for “change” if a couple is truly connected. We all have family issues & other things to deal with in life, but a partner should be there to help you through some of the obstacles and vice versa.
As you know from watching this video I am not an advocate of “breaks” as I think it only heightens insecurities & jealousies. Maybe the reason you go back & forth in this partnership is because you do not have a support system. There are plenty of groups you can connect with online or Meetup groups in your city. We all go through breakups in our lives and there is always someone to talk to about it. It sounds like you need to get out of the repetitive cycle and connect with some new people. Put your focus on something else right now. Experimenting with diversity & new directions always brings personal growth. It may bring some clarity to what you really desire.
When love is “real” there isn’t a lot of drama. You love them for who they are ~ not who they aren’t.
xo Sybersue
