Dear Sybersue,
I am a 30 year old fairly attractive, low maintenance woman who is single in Vancouver. I am fortunate to be asked out on a regular basis but I rarely get a second date. I am obviously doing something wrong but not one guy has been honest about sharing that with me. They just don’t call again. A few of my girlfriends say that I may come across a little too eager sometimes as I do text guys quite often & freely when I meet them, and I always send them a “thank you” text after the date as well. I am not into playing games & like to express myself openly. What do you think the problem could be? Are my friends’ right?
Corrine from BC
Dear Corrine,
Let’s just say first of all that it is nice to hear from a woman who is from Vancouver that is actually dating, as it is such a big complaint from both sexes! The fact that your friends have made comments regarding your “eagerness” on your dates, this is something you might want to pay attention to. If more than 3 people tell you the same thing, it is time to acknowledge there may be some validity to their belief.
Here are a few questions to ask yourself ~ be honest with your answers.
- What type of men are you attracted to? Is there a pattern?
- Do you have an itemized checklist that you ask them on your date?
- Why are you texting them so often?
- Is your biological clock obvious & ticking like Big Ben?
- Is the conversation reciprocated on the date or one sided?
Many people do not realize they only have “one type” and keep repeating dating scenarios due to this magnetic attraction. Do all your past dates look & act similar? If the answer is yes, you need to broaden your scope. Looks & chemistry alone are not enough to sustain longevity in a relationship. If you are using a checklist and asking too many questions on your date, you will come off as clinical, picky or desperate. It’s not a job interview and should be fun. I am not a big believer in texting when you are getting to know someone. It is too easy to misinterpret what is being said and it becomes the main form of communication. Phone calls & face to face meetings will help you learn more about who they truly are.
As you are a 30 year old woman, you may be thinking about children and marriage more often now than you have in the past. This is very natural but can sometimes be consuming for a woman who is feeling these maternal pangs. This can be unsettling for some men if it is too obvious in the first few dates. You mentioned that you are very open which can be a bit overwhelming too soon. Be careful how much information you give out, as a little mystery is alluring and makes them “want” to know more about you. Women tend to tell too much too soon ~ it’s not a confession booth!
Try these suggestions on your next few dates and see if things improve for you. The fact that you are asking for advice means you are ready for a change. Sometimes having a neutral party offer a different view can help obtain a new clarity for future happiness. Thank you for writing Corrine and I hope to hear back from you soon with some wonderful news.
Sybersue 🙂
