Dating Advice ~ Pacing Yourself in a New Relationship

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Dating in Vancouver BC


After being invited to be a part of a dating discussion panel in Vancouver recently, I decided that this topic really needs to be addressed.  I have used the dating term “in fast-out fast” in many of my talk show videos and blogs to refer to a popular occurrence in many doomed relationships.

Meeting someone who we are really attracted to and have a huge chemistry with is such a wonderful feeling and literally grabs us by the “short & curlies” enticing our full attention and craving more! While this wow-factor connection is generally a good thing, it is how we handle it in the early stages that will either make or break a future commitment with them. Both sexes are guilty of this behavior and trust me when I say it is not a healthy place to put yourself in any scenario!  I am talking about all aspects of life, not just the love department.

Pacing yourself in new situations allows you to step back & observe with a realistic approach. Temptations can be very addicting when put in your path and like anything in your life, knowing when not to over indulge is the key to a desirable balance & moderation.  It’s like taking that first bite of a chocolate bar that tastes so good, you end up devouring the whole thing in 5 minutes. Why not savor the taste and slowly enjoy it?  Put it away and take another bite tomorrow.  You also respect yourself more because you had willpower and some control over your choices.

When you finally meet that incredible person who fits so many priorities on your dating checklist, it is so hard not to jump in on all fours due to all the drama you faced in the past year on your bad date journey from Hell. This is a good reason to slow down and enjoy this new found excitement! Pace yourself and keep a little mystery in the air so they want to see more of you.  Think of it as a 7 course dinner and they get to taste a little bit each time they see you.  Buffets may be great once in awhile but with everything laid out right in front of you there is no build up as to what is coming next. Comprendez?

Many women get caught up in the fast action of a man who comes in like gangbusters saying all the right things because he really is “sincerely interested”…in the beginning.  I may be generalizing here but I have had so many women write my advice column with this big question! “Why did he say all those things and plan so much with me only to run away?” because he freaked himself out!  He didn’t allow the relationship to progress naturally and got greedy with the euphoric feeling of this perfect woman in front of him!  He put her on an unrealistic pedestal that had no other place to go but down…

Beware of anyone who comes into a new relationship who starts planning your daily itinerary because they are sooooo into you!  Don’t allow someone to take over your life because it feels good to be wanted by someone who is so crazy about you.  They don’t know you!  Just because some people fall in love in 6 weeks on reality shows like The Bachelor doesn’t mean this is normal and that it will happen to you.  Life is complicated and it is not easy to have balance & harmony without making a compromising effort. The key word is compromise!

So the next time someone comes galloping into your world with a fast paced excitement, take the lead and slow it down.  Don’t be so available and do not alter your plans to be with them.  If this amazing partnership is meant to be they need to be a great part of your life but not your entire life.  Do not live for someone else or let them direct your emotions.

Be smart & take baby steps.

Susan McCord @

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