How Long Will You Wait if a First Date is Running Late?

How Long Will You Wait if a First Date is Running Late?

I love  collaborating with other people and was very happy to contribute to this article on Bustle by Natalia Lusinki: 

23 Daters On How Long They’ll Wait If Their First Date Is Running Late

 

Dating can be anxiety-inducing: what to wear, where to go, will the Bumble date look like their picture, and so on. But what about when a date is late? Should you wait? And how long? When do you bail? After all, sometimes things come up that you can’t control. I used to live in L.A., and it can easily take an hour driving from Hollywood to Venice Beach, and at any time of day — there will be unexpected road construction or street closures or traffic due to a local concert…

“For a first date, if someone does not call or text by the 15-minute mark — and they should let you know prior — I wouldn’t continue to wait,” Stef Safran, matchmaking and dating expert, tells Bustle.

Bonnie Winston, celebrity matchmaker and relationship expert, advises to give them a bit more time. “You should always respect the person you get involved with, and vice-versa,” she tells Bustle. “One clue that the person won’t give you respect is by not valuing your time and showing up late.” She says she tells her clients to remember the line from the book, The Perks of Being a Wallflower: “We accept the love we deserve.” “I advise them to give it one hour with an apology text or phone call and 30 minutes without one,” Winston says. However, some experts think it depends on other factors, too.

Susan McCord, a dating/relationship coach, advice columnist, and talk show host who runs Sybersue.com, thinks that it also depends on whether the person who is late has contacted you or not. “With all the ghosting going on with dating today, [people] aren’t sure what the proper etiquette is anymore,” she tells Bustle. “If your date has called or texted, profusely apologizing that they will be a few minutes late, that is acceptable. If they do not contact you and it has been over 20 minutes, I would suggest that you leave — your time is important, but they don’t seem to respect that.”

She adds that paying attention to these types of early red flags is very important. “The more bad behavior you allow from people in your life, the more you will keep attracting these types towards you,” McCord says. “When you respect yourself, you value yourself and won’t waste time with the wrong people. When someone is really interested, they can’t wait to see you and will NOT leave you hanging on a date.”

Of course, how long to wait for a late date varies from person-to-person and may involve several factors. Below, 23 daters share how long they’ll stick around.

Please click here to continue reading this post on Bustle 

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Advice Talk Show 

 

Are You On the Same Page in Your New Relationship?

Are You On the Same Page in Your New Relationship?

In today’s video I discuss being in a new relationship and how important it is to find out if you and your partner are on the same page!

Unfortunately many new relationships end between the 3-6 month mark because people are not paying close attention to what is really important to them! Don’t turn the other way and pretend it is OK if your priorities are not being met.

You should have a “small” checklist of what is most important to you when choosing a life partner. Don’t ignore those critical “deal breakers” as you should always have some healthy boundaries.

When we first meet someone and the sexual chemistry is incredibly powerful, we tend to overlook those early read flags. It is difficult to think of anything else when we are so intimately enthralled with them! It’s like an addiction and we can’t see anything else in front of us!

It is very important to stay focused on the whole picture when making a commitment with someone. Yes, dating has become very difficult in today’s world, so now we jump in even faster when someone finally turns our pheromones on!

As many of us have found out with our past dating history, this isn’t always a good thing. It can blind us from seeing other things that need to be clarified in this new partnership, so it can continue to grow into a strong long term connection.

You need to be aware and smart about who you allow into your life so you don’t keep repeating patterns that don’t work out for you. 

If the relationship is progressing at a natural pace between the two of you then there may not be any questions. Regardless of how you are moving along as a couple, I always suggest that you have a talk with them within the first 6 weeks to ensure that you have mutual goals for your future.

This is the time to really listen and hear what they are saying. Don’t go into this new partnership thinking you can change their minds or viewpoint by giving it time! 

Please watch the video above and leave your comments below this post. What worked or didn’t work for you in this situation?

Thank you for stopping by! ❤

Dear Sybersue xox

Sue McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Advice Talk Show
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My Ex and I Are Living Together For the Sake of the Kids. How do we make this work?

My Ex and I Are Living Together For the Sake of the Kids. How do we make this work?

Dear Sybersue is an Informative and very REAL dating relationship coach and advice columnist for men & women!

In today’s blog post and video I answer Sherry’s question:

Dear Sybersue

My Ex and I are living together for the sake of the kids. How do we make this work? We don’t have the money to live separately right now as I am not working. Our kids are still little and my Ex and I decided before we had children that I would stay home with them.

How can I live with him and not go crazy at the same time? We having been cohabitating this way for a year now!

How do I have a fulfilling life while I am still with him?

I am so ready to move on from our marriage but this living together scenario is cramping any chance I have of doing that! The kids don’t know a lot about what’s going on and we just go through the day trying not to argue with each other.  We just don’t get along and seeing him every day just makes me resent him even more.

How do I deal with this and keep myself in a positive space?

Sherry

Dear Sherry,

This “type of living arrangement” is way more common than you might think. With rent and housing increases creeping uncontrollably into our financial resources, it is causing a big problem with many people today!

Singles are now forced to take on a roommate or a home stay student just so they can eat and clothe themselves. Throw a few kids into the mix and it is borderline poverty for many single parents.

The priority for you right now Sherry is to get back out in the work field so you are not reliant on your Ex.

Maybe try something part time while you figure out daycare and adjust to working again. I am not sure what expertise you have but maybe you could start a home business of some sort so you could still be with the kids most of the time.

Talk to some other single moms who may be in the same boat and maybe you can collaborate on some business ideas or at least take turns with babysitting to cut daycare costs down. It would also do you good to get out and be around some adults once in awhile so you are not only dealing with your ex and the children.

You need some outside stimulation to keep your hope and motivation alive. The kids will pick up on your growing resentment towards your ex husband which isn’t healthy for them. You can only fake things for so long!

Have a mature talk with your Ex and figure out a future plan that works for both of you. One of you has to move out!

Take turns having nights out away from each other and the children. Do not fight in front of the kids or talk negatively about each other either. They love both of you even if you have called it quits on loving each other as a couple.

Give yourself a “time line” so it forces you to keep focused on improving your new life ahead and starting over with a fresh attitude. When you can actually visualize the rainbow, the pot of gold will follow.

Don’t give up on your personal happiness and keep taking small steps to change up your scenario. It won’t happen overnight but having weekly goals will definitely bring you closer to moving on to a better place.

Wishing you well and please keep me posted on what you decide to do. ❤

Dear Sybersue ❤

I Love to hear from you! Has this happened to you and how did you deal with this scenario? Please watch the video above and leave your comments below!

Susan McCord @ Dear Sybersue YouTubeDear Sybersue Facebook

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She Blew off our First Date Last Minute! Do I Give Her Another Chance?

She Blew off our First Date Last Minute! Do I Give Her Another Chance?

In today’s video above I discuss Mark’s question about a girl he met online who blew off their first date last minute without even giving him a reason! He wants to know if he should give her another chance and set up another date.

Why is dating in the millennium so difficult and why is there so little respect for other people’s time? 

The biggest problem with meeting someone online is you are not the only person they are communicating with. This leads to fickle behavior due to the other options available! You may be texting them regularly and then all of a sudden things come to a sudden halt between you both for no damn reason that you can see!

This becomes very difficult to deal with and takes a big toll on your self esteem!

Some men and women become addicted to “but what if there is someone better out there,” and keep their dating profile as active as a pin ball machine for fear of missing out on an even better conquest that just might meet there extreme checklist.

The trouble with all of this is that people are lonelier than ever today because there are so many games being played; which sabotages anyone finding a real relationship!

Mark isn’t the only one confused on what to do when someone ghosts you on a date but if you always respect yourself first and pay attention to the early red flags in any dating situation, then you will bring yourself closer to eventually meeting the right person.

The more crap you allow in your life the more crap that seems to happen right?

When you stop giving the wrong people numerous chances to keep proving how wrong they are for you, then you have learned a valuable life lesson!

Don’t pine over someone who ghosted you. You really didn’t know them anyway. Thank “The Universe” that it saved you from having to deal with all the drama that would have certainly unfolded with this person.

You dodged a lot more than a little rejection from someone who obviously is void of human etiquette.

I definitely give my opinion on this question but what would you do? Please watch the video above and leave your comments below!

Dear Sybersue

Susan McCord @  The Dear Sybersue Advice Talk Show YouTube
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How Much Money Should Your Dating Life Cost You?

 


Free picture (Heart and sweet) from https://torange.biz/heart-sweet-16729

Whether you’re looking for a fun fling or your future partner, you can be certain to spend some money along the way.  Dating can be an expensive business.

A study from Match found that the average unmarried American spent $1,596 on dating in a year.  Is finding that perfect relationship worth pouring money into? Or is it something that shouldn’t come with a big price tag at all?

Here’s a breakdown of some of the big costs involved in dating that you may not have even realized you were spending money on.

The cost of making yourself attractive

We all spend money on our appearance but how much should you really be spending before a date? 

You should definitely make an effort when it comes to choosing an outfit, but you should ideally stick to clothing that’s already in your wardrobe (the same applies to using make-up that you already own). Radical temporary changes to your appearance could affect your confidence during a date – you may not be fully comfortable with a new haircut or a new dress that you’ve just bought.

Some of us may even take permanent measures to help with dating such as cosmetic surgery. This is a big cost and should only ever be done because it makes you happy, not other people.

Procedures like breast surgery are definitely things that many of us do to make ourselves more attractive. If you find yourself watching breast fat injection videos and still longing for this kind of this treatment, then it’s probably a good sign that surgery is worth the cost.  It could help you to have more confidence in yourself, which will also help you in your dating ventures.

The cost of finding a partner

Speed dating events and dating site memberships can also cost money, although often these costs are unnecessary. There are plenty of free dating sites out there that can allow you to meet and message new people.

The only time you may want to pay a premium price is if you’re looking for a niche type of person – there are dating sites for people of certain religions and on certain incomes that could be worth paying for if it gives you access to prospective dates you might not otherwise meet. 

There are many free dating events that don’t require you to pay anything however, paying for some specialist events could also be worthwhile.

The cost of the dates 

The dates themselves can get expensive. Whilst it’s a tradition for men to offer to pay for the bill on the first date, it’s also recently become etiquette for women to offer to split the bill.

Where you go for a date can make a big difference on the overall cost. If you’re trying to save money, it could be worth recommending a coffee date over a date at a restaurant.

You could also recommend cheap activities such as a picnic, a home movie night or a long walk, instead of costly activities such as going to the cinema, visiting an amusement park or taking a day trip by car/train.

Collaborative Post

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show

Why Do I Allow My Partner to Hurt Me Over & Over?

Why Do I Allow My Partner to Hurt Me Over & Over?

In today’s weekly blog and video upload I discuss a question from Ellie. She wants to know how to move on from a partnership that is continuously hurtful.

Dear Sybersue,

Why do I keep going back to someone who doesn’t treat me right? Why am I addicted to this person and why can’t I respect myself more in my relationships?

How do I stop being stuck, move on and forgive myself for allowing this behavior from my partner?

He is sarcastic, ridiculing and cuts me down all the time. He breaks up with me for the smallest things and then starts texting me 6 months (or longer) later as if nothing has happened.  Like a fool I keep letting him back into my life!

What’s wrong with me? He isn’t healthy for me!

I need to end things now!

Ellie

Hi Ellie,

Well you are right that you are attracted/addicted to his bad behavior but the good news is that you aren’t in denial about it anymore!

You didn’t mention anything about your past so it is difficult to know your complete story and where your self esteem issues are coming from. There is something buried deep inside of you that thinks you deserve this type of treatment.

A Few Questions to Ask Yourself:

  1. Was there love in your childhood and are you close to your parents & siblings?
  2. Are your parents together or divorced?
  3. Were you bullied in school or did you feel unpopular?
  4. Are you shy and introverted?
  5. Did you deal with a really bad break up previous to your relationship with this man?
  6. Have you experienced any physical abuse?
  7. How often have you had a similar type of partnership such as this; you asked: “why can’t I respect myself more in my relationships?”  Which means this isn’t the first time you have coped with this unhealthy scenario.
  8. Have you ever felt abandoned by anyone in your life?

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Whenever you feel really stuck in any type of hurtful behavioral pattern I strongly suggest seeing a therapist

This isn’t usually isn’t something you can handle by yourself due to the longevity of the problem.  It often needs a professional set of ears to gain some clarity as to what is transpiring within your thought process.

 

You made the effort to write to me so you it sounds like you are ready to make some changes in your life.

It is really important for you to understand that you are in charge of who you’re attracting towards you and it is up to you to change what isn’t working. You have to “get that” for things to improve in your life.

Let me know how things go for you Ellie and thanks for writing!

Sybersue ❤

Please watch the video above for a more detailed answer on this question!

I Love to hear from you all & will always take time to answer you back. Please leave your comments below!

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Susan McCord @Dear Sybersue YouTube

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