5 Dating Dealbreakers That Can Be Too Harsh!
Do you have a tough time dating, and you are now getting to the point that you’re frustrated, annoyed, and ready to give up? Is it possible that you have very high expectations and that maybe your checklist is over the top with what you are looking for in a partner?
Everyone should have some boundaries and some expectations, but many men and women are walking away quickly after the 1st or 2nd date because they have unreasonable dealbreakers. Some people aren’t even getting to the first date because of their picky outlook. They are actually sabotaging any chance of what could be a great connection because they are not taking a little extra time to even try to get to know someone.
Here are 5 dealbreakers that I feel are too harsh when it comes to dating today.
#1 – They are too nice!
Maybe it’s just me, but I personally feel that someone should be nice on a date. Unfortunately, this popular complaint is a big one, as there seems to be something very alluring and exciting about being attracted to bad boys/girls. This is one of the biggest mistakes people make when it comes to dating because each encounter usually ends up in drama-filled scenarios and repetitive heartbreak.
People who are kind and who prioritize their time with you should be the first contender when it comes to choosing a partner! I am not talking about people who are clingy, desperate, and overly needy. I am talking about caring men and women that don’t play stupid games, ghost you, or text you for months before they even meet you. They are who they say they are, and follow through on things they plan with you.
If you do feel that they are a little over the top accommodating, you can always have a gentle chat with them about how you are feeling. I can actually relate to this dealbreaker because my husband was a little too eager in the beginning when I first met him.
We had a talk about it, which wasn’t an easy thing to do, but he understood that I was feeling uncomfortable and slowed down his assertive courtship approach. I started to miss him when I didn’t see him all the time. It also taught me how not to give up on being with a nice guy. Honestly, it was so much better than some of the “drama-filled dating” I had allowed in the past.
#2 – If They don’t pay for everything, it is a dealbreaker!
Why should someone be your wallet all the time? I get it that we don’t always make the same amount of money in our jobs, but you should still offer to contribute to paying something for dates here and there or change up the expense of where you go out for an evening if you can’t afford certain venues. You could offer to make dinner, pay for a movie night or prepare a picnic lunch.
People can often be too judgmental and too particular when everything isn’t perfect on those early dates and walk away too fast from something that may potentially be a good fit. Be careful if you find that you are falling into this money trap. You might not always see how you are repeating unhealthy patterns when it comes to all things dating and relationships.
Understanding and owning what you may be doing to jeopardize having love in your life is the key to fixing the problems. Dating someone only for their financial status can be a very big mistake.
#3 – Wanting instant sexual gratification!
Expecting to have sex on the first few dates puts way too much pressure on someone before they may be comfortable. Many women become emotionally attached after making love with a new partner, which can change the dynamics of how the relationship progresses. This can cause a big change in how to move forward. You might not be ready for more than a casual fling, while they may expect a commitment from you now that they have been intimate with you.
Unless it is discussed before you jump into bed with someone, it is a good idea to assume they are probably looking for more than just a one-night romp in the sack. If you are not ready to be in a relationship, be careful that you are not leading them on to think there is more to this sexual encounter. If sex is all you are really interested in, date people who are on the same page as you. There are plenty of intimate dating sites that offer this type of arrangement, and it won’t cause you problems with someone who is looking for a committed partnership.
Even if you are ready to meet someone special, sometimes it really is worth the wait to get to know someone without having these early sexual expectations. How do you know if you even like them yet? You might wake up the next day and want to run in the opposite direction because things happened too fast, and it was too easy. While you may have had your sexual gratification fulfilled, it might also turn you off from getting to know them further.
Take a little time to find out who they are and vice versa. Build up a rapport, flirt with each other, and take some space between dates so that you look forward to seeing them again. A little mystery and holding back those pheromones are a great way to build on a romantic connection.
#4 – They aren’t hot enough and are not your usual type to date.
Hot sexual chemistry definitely nurtures the lust in a relationship, but be careful that you don’t toss away potential partners because they aren’t flawless enough with your over-the-top expectations. Having a certain type and not veering away from those perfect qualities can be a dangerous place to put yourself, as it will keep you stuck in a shallow place that never works out.
If you look back at the photos of people you have dated over the years, is there a pattern of what they look like? Are they all runway model types or muscular beach bodies? Do they generally fizzle out just as fast as they started? This is an addictive problem that many men and women fall into, which keeps them coming back to the dating apps over and over again.
They are looking for that perfect person who doesn’t really exist for the long haul. It is one thing to date someone only for their physical appearance, but it is another thing to think you can make a relationship stand the test of time. So much more than that goes into a partnership to keep it in a happy place.
#5 – They are too independent!
Some people look at independence as a threat when someone has their own life, they are comfortable in their own skin and have a strong voice. If you want to have a healthy relationship, it is important to have an occasional challenge to keep things exciting so that you can both evolve to new heights as a couple.
I am not referring to playing games or trying to control your partner, I am talking about a reciprocated scenario where you both regularly add your individual thoughts and ideas into the mix. You respect each other’s opinions and enjoy hearing their point of view.
It is important that you are not insecure because they are established and successful. You should be able to embrace their achievements as if they are your own. If you do find yourself bothered by someone’s independence, it might be time to discover why that is. It could be that you’re not feeling secure in your own life at the moment.
When you and your partner are in a wonderful place together, is when you appreciate each other for who you truly are. You are sincerely happy about each other’s accomplishments.
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Sybersue xo <3
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