Dear Sybersue answers Bob’s question today. Why Does My Girlfriend of 3 years Avoid Talking About Our Future? We are both 35 years old.
I decided to write about this topic as there are so many couples who are in a similar situation today. Some men and women have a tough time committing long term and would rather avoid having any discussion on the subject. This leaves a lot of frustrated people trying to figure out whether to “wait around or move on” from their non-committal partner.
A relationship should progress naturally and both people need to be on the same page with what they want in their partnership. It is so important, to be honest in the early stages of a new situation and not lead anyone on if you are not interested in having a committed future with them.
Ultimately you should know within the first year whether there is a solid commitment between you both as a couple. It shouldn’ t take 3 years to figure that out. This is even more important when you are both 35 years old and only one of you is ready to start a family!
Not everyone wants to get married and have children but knowing how important this is to your partner and remaining in the relationship is disrespectful. They have openly shared this desire with you and if you can’t give them that, you should walk away at this point.
In answer to your question here, you also have a responsibility for your own personal happiness. If your girlfriend still has commitment issues after 3 years and it is causing you drama or heartache, it is time to put yourself first!
If she has boldly stressed her opinion and doesn’t want the same things you do, then it is time to ask yourself what you are holding onto in your relationship? You’re not even living together!
Don’t waste these important years hanging onto hope that she will change her mind. You’ don’t have the power of altering her thoughts, but you do have the choice to move on from her and meet someone else who does want the same things that you do.
It takes two people to make a relationship work and your girlfriend is definitely not thinking the same way you are. If she insists that she really loves you and wants to stay in this partnership, it is time for you both to get some professional counseling to rectify this problem. What is she so afraid of?
If she is not willing to do this she needs to let you go and end this partnership. It is not fair to you to think that because she loves you, she will eventually change her mind to want marriage and kids down the road. It seems quite apparant that she may never have any desire to do so!
Whether her commitment issue is just a preference, a fear-based situation, or trauma-related from something in her past, it needs to be addressed if you are to stay together. There is a reason that she is not OK with taking your 3-year partnership to the next level of commitment.
If she continues to ignore discussing the future of your relationship and refuses relationship counseling, then you might have to be the one to make the tough decision to break things off with her. It’s not all about what she wants, it’s your future too!
Please watch the video above and leave any comments below this post. Has this happened to you and what did you do about it? Let’s help others who are dealing with a similar situation.
You might also be interested in this post I wrote a short while ago: Where Should I Be in My Relationship After One Year?