Hi there! Welcome to Dear Sybersue. Today I discuss a repetitive dating problem that doesn’t seem to be going away anytime soon. Be Aware of This Big Red Flag on a Date.
When you are meeting someone for the first time you really need to pay close attention and listen to what they are saying. If your date is adamant about not wanting to be in a relationship BELIEVE THEM!
This is why we date, to find out if we are compatible to be in a potential partnership with someone.
If there are things upfront that are never going to work between you as a couple, why stick around and hope for a second date? You have a prioritized checklist, don’t you?
Romanticizing a situation is not reality or healthy thinking, because you are ready to be in a relationship. It’s not about what you want to hear it is about what they are actually expressing out loud to you. Don’t bury the truth and be in denial about what they are telling you.
If they tell you that they don’t want a relationship, they don’t want children or that they do not ever want to get married, and that is important to you, why hang around giving them your precious time only to find out they told you the truth right from the start?
Thinking you can eventually change their mind regarding their original feelings on having a committed partnership, will only frustrate the Hell out of you when they end up walking away.
“Why didn’t I listen to them?”
I have spoken to many men and women on my advice column and in my coaching sessions who have invested 4-7 years in a relationship and ended up heartbroken when their partner left them because they weren’t interested in a long term commitment. Almost all of them were told this on the first few dates.
If you go into a new relationship thinking you can change people and how they think, you will continually put yourself into drama-filled scenarios or a bad dating pattern. Take your ego out of the equation. It’s not a personal attack on you, it is their prerogative to make this choice for their future.
Thank them for their time and move on! If they should regret their decision down the road and make the effort to come back to you, you can decide at that time what you want to do. There is always a chance that someone will have a change of heart but it is not wise to think this will be case.
You want to meet someone that you are on the same page with from day one, and not someone you have to talk into being in a partnership with you or that you have to make numerous compromises with.
A solid relationship does not consist of “what ifs,” it is a natural communicative progression towards an unconditional loving partnership.
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