Dear Sybersue answers Christian’s question:
My 35 year old boyfriend parties constantly! We have been together for 2 years and it’s always been one big non-stop booze fest. He either has the guys over 4 nights a week, goes to their houses or we have to attend another party somewhere for someone’s birthday or an event that seems to happen for any basic occasion.
I am 33 years old and ready to start planning my future in a responsible way.
I am so tired of all the booze fed evenings that resemble the reality TV show Vanderpump Rules! There is an endless amount of shooters that always end in a drama filled late night!
The next day involves a major hang over, infused with one Hell of a lot of memory loss and eating junk food until the same type of evening starts all over again
My boyfriend knows how much this bothers me but he always says that “We only live once and we are still young and should enjoy it now.” “We can save money later!”
To avoid another argument with him, I have started to make excuses why I can’t attend these drunken nights anymore but it is difficult because I really do love him. He thinks I am being way too serious and that we have plenty of time to be responsible.
We both have great jobs that we love, but how long is he going to be able to hold on to his when he shows up at work smelling like a tequila shooter or brewery? He has started to call in sick more often and shows up late constantly because he’s so tired from partying until 2 am on a weeknight!
Writing all this down I can see how bad things have become in our relationship and I know what I probably should do. Is there any hope for us at all?
What would you do Sybersue?
Well you are right that it sounds like a Vanderpump Rules episode! I can see why you are so frustrated because it seems to be the normal way of life for so many people in their 20’s and 30’s today!
I have no idea why they would be allowed to glorify these drunk fests on a TV show! Ratings I guess…
Glorified or not, it’s not OK to party this much and still have a healthy lifestyle or LIVER!
You are right about the drama that arises from these evenings as the excessive alcohol brings out the clawed cat in many of us. The more someone drinks the more they can handle, which then turns into an addiction that needs to be fed.
Let’s not forget to mention how much money is spent on these nights out! I am always hearing how millennials complain they will never own a house and they’ve got that right! If their priorities are in party mode, we know how much bottle service and fancy restaurants cost!
It is not unusual for many young people to have $300+ nights every time they step out for the evening. How could you possibly save any money for a house?
You are right to be concerned about your future with him Christian because at 35 years old he should already have been putting money away as an investment. You said you love him but are you sure it’s enough? It doesn’t sound like you do much together except go to expensive social events, so how will that help your relationship grow in the future?
You need to have the big talk with him and not just pull away doing your own thing while he continues on this destructive path. It’s time to put on those big girl panties and do what’s right for you. Tell him what is important to you and if he is willing to change things up and prioritize his future with you and his finances, then maybe you can salvage your partnership.
If he can’t compromise in the next month with his partying ways then you will have no choice but to move on in a different direction.
You can’t make someone change, but you can offer a solution that could help him see that what he is doing is a dead end scenario. It’s up to him how he handles it and to show you how important you are to him.
You have invested 2 years into this relationship and that is enough time to see if there is a healthy future with him. If he is doesn’t want to alter his present lifestyle and is happy with the life he is living, then you know there isn’t room in his heart to give you what you want anymore. His priorities aren’t you.
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Susan McCord @