How to Get Over an Abrupt Breakup? Blow them a kiss goodbye and thank them!
This topic came to me in an e-mail from a young guy who watches my show on YouTube. He recently got the Dear John Text from his girlfriend of 6 months with no warning, but his positive attitude surprised me!!
He said; “Yes I am sad that it is over as I really enjoyed my time with her but what choice do I have but to just move on? No means NEXT!” While this is much easier said than done for most people, it is always better to be realistic about why a relationship ended abruptly.
Most breakups can be very painful especially if you were blindsided by your partner. The faster you understand that some endings just aren’t worthy of a long drawn out sadness and really only warrant a small acknowledgment of hurt, resentment, rejection or hibernation, the better!
In other words, why spend too much time pining over someone who is disrespectful enough to send you a breakup text and simply doesn’t want to be with you?
Most of the hurt that occurs from a breakup is due to our own egos, and not always our actual love for the person that left us. Especially if it was a short-lived relationship.
Why harbor sadness or anger with someone who didn’t have the decency to say goodbye to you in person? Be thankful they have moved on so that you can meet someone who will treat you better. (Of course if you were in a long term relationship with them, your heart is more invested and it is not as easy to let go.)
I have one male friend who went into a depression with every break-up, even if it was only a very short time spent with them. It has caused a lot of heartache over the years for him. He was in a dating pattern of constantly choosing the wrong women because he was blinded by one thing; their beauty!
He was looking for a commitment or so he said, but all his actions spoke the opposite! He had so much emotional baggage due to the fact that he was not dealing with why the breakups were happening or the repetitive choices he was making.
With each new woman he dated, it became harder to clean up the demons he was accumulating.
He finally discovered that he had a problem with rejection stemming from his childhood, he had a very unemotional mother who never showed him love of any kind. After much heartbreak and finally receiving some counselling, he came to understand why he made the shallow choices that he did; but it took him 20 years to get it!
Learning how to respect yourself first will make you move on faster or not allow you to be there in the first place.
Feeling like “the victim” in a breakup will only prolong your pain and make you angry. You can’t make someone love you! The hardest thing to grasp is that they are over you . You were dismissed, so to speak. We all think that we will never have another perfect relationship like the one that has just ended, but if it were so wonderful you would still be together. Know that you will have another relationship and it will be a better one down the road. You just can’t see it now because your ego is hurt.
Things don’t just fall apart for no reason.
It wasn’t meant to be and The Universe is trying to help you, probably because you weren’t taking the subtle hints it was throwing at you for the last 3-6 months. (Like when she/he took that 2nd vacation without you or they still haven’t given you a set of house keys after 2 years together.)
Moving on in other areas of your life will help with your relationships too. Remember that job that was so difficult to go to everyday and then all of sudden they gave your pink slip, due to so-called downsizing (or some other term companies use today to protect themselves from a wrongful-dismissal suit) but in the end they actually did you a favor because you are now in a job that you really love.
How many times has it NOT worked out for the better?
Change is always fearful, even if it is something we are ready for. Many people become creatures of habit as they get older. Let’s not become this routine-obvious boring person. Life needs some stability and normalcy but it doesn’t have to be a bad movie. Keep your mind fresh and free. People will always gravitate towards that positive energy.
The word “NEXT” should have excitement written all over it and should be embraced into your everyday life with optimism.
It is meant to make you grow and become more of who you are. You should never stop being diverse with each approaching birthday. Complacency and boredom are the real killers, not old age.
Sometimes life becomes more of a struggle when we don’t register that something is too much work and all-consuming. The reason being; it is not meant to be!
Your intuition will always lead you in the right direction in a relationship. When you are sad, depressed or insecure in a partnership these are red flags that should not be ignored. When you have a reciprocated love it isn’t a lot of work, it just feels right. There is no drama or questions!
So the next time someone says an abrupt goodbye to you, use this experience to move on out of that negative roadway and onto the next amazing path, that life has in store for you. Breakups can be a good thing and cause you to look deeper into who you are and what is really important to you long term.
Cry a little, wave them goodbye and get ready for a better place without them in it.
Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show