How Do I Prevent Losing My Independence in Another Relationship?

Dear Sybersue, 

Why do I keep getting myself into relationships where I lose myself in the process? Why do I end up being there for everything that concerns my partner’s needs while I put myself on the back burner?

This isn’t the first time I have done this and eventually the relationship ends which I assume is due to me being a doormat.  Why can’t I seem to respect myself enough to push my own needs ahead of my partner once in awhile?

Thanks for any advice you have!

Carrie

Hi Carrie,

Thanks so much for your question. There are many other men and women that would like to know the answer to this as well.

Some people are givers and some people are takers and we all know what category you fall into. This is not a bad thing and it just needs to be “tweeked a little” so that your relationship isn’t one sided all the time.

A partner should be an extension of who you are not take away from the person you are.

A great relationship is one where you are both there for each other but you still have your own dreams, goals and separate interests. Of course you should always have each other’s back and support them, but never give up who you are as person for someone else.

Think about this; would you want your partner attached to your hip at every given moment?

After awhile that would get very old and you would start to feel smothered. It is wonderful to have their respect and know that they love you “that much,” but there still needs to be some breathing room in your relationship.

(This also could be a codependent issue where you may need to talk to a therapist about some past issues you may not be aware of or have pushed aside.)

Carrie, you need to get busy with your own life and stop focusing on him so much. Your partner will be much more attracted to you when you are enjoying yourself and adding some diversity to you as a couple.

You will have new things to talk about and to share with each other. It’s not all about just one person and if they are happy or not.

You need to be happy too!

Start making plans to get out a few times a week with friends or take a course that interests you. Mark dates on the calendar so that it forces you to commit to something outside your house that doesn’t involve your partner.

You will notice an improvement in your home life after a short time because it will “center you” and put a new spring in your step because you are doing something worthwhile for you!

Hallelujah!

Your partner will enjoy seeing this side of you and it will slowly start to change the dynamics of who you are as a couple. This is a good thing because you are now in a reciprocated relationship where you “both” have interesting things to talk about.

Please watch the video above and let me know how things go in the next while.

Sybersue ❤

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show

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