HELP! My Life is Crazy & My Sex Life Is Non-Existent In My Marriage!

Dear Sybersue:

I live a very full & pretty decent life for the most part. I have two children, a dog and a great partner whom I still love after 10 years. His job is demanding & I work 5 days a week myself. I am also putting in time to develop my own business on the side to help with our heavy mortgage.

Needless to say juggling it all and still having a busy social schedule is a challenge as I am sure it is for many people out there. My sex-life is non-existent at the moment & my passion for it is a little depleted due to the lack of physical connection my husband and I share.

Even though I seem to be managing my crazy life, I have to admit I feel tired & stressed out all the time these days!

I do not take care of myself in the way I should due to time restrictions with work, & the children’s activities. I do not feel nearly as sexy or attractive as I used to in my single days. I don’t have time to be the feminine hot woman of my past existence anymore.

I don’t even know what a girl’s night out is these days! My friends seem to have given up on me because I have so little time for them. I don’t blame them.

Every so often I get very depressed and do not want to see or talk to anyone which makes it even worse. I feel overwhelmed ~ Any ideas to help??

From The Suburban Housewife

ANSWER

Hi S.H. & thanks for writing,

First of all I truly do suggest that you talk to a professional therapist. The minute there is depression involved, you should have a qualified resource to get the best help available.

In the meantime here are a few things to think about.

Like many working mothers today, we are all doing too much for everyone else and giving ourselves the leftovers! This pretty much amounts to 15 minutes of quality “Me” time in a 24 hour period.

  1. I would advise you to write out a strict weekly schedule that allows time for you away from any responsibilities.
  2. This needs to include at least one hour per day that is solely for you. No one can bother you with anything, no exceptions.
  3. Whether it is sitting in a bubble bath, going to a counseling session, a yoga class, having a friend over, or reading a sexy novel, it is all about “YOU” for that time frame.
  4. You need to let go of the guilt of not doing something constructive at every moment of your day.
  5. Lighten up the kids activity load. Parents sign up their children for so many things today which isn’t healthy for anyone.
  6. Hire an intern to help you with your future business plan or limit yourself to a few hours per week to focus on this project.
  7. Be particular about which social events you attend. You can’t do it all!

You didn’t say how much your husband helped out around the home but be honest with yourself on whether you feel there is equality in that respect. If you are both working, you both should be participating 50/50 in your partnership in every area. More often than not, women do take on more at home because they are nurturers from birth. (Thanks to being given the womb!) Ask for help.

The children need to have daily chores, or if they are too young right now, hire a neighborhood kid to walk the dog after you get home from work, to mow the lawn, or get your groceries, dry cleaning or light housework. It will be worth the money for the time and stress you save.

Now, how to feel sexy again:

Your man should help out with this one until you get back those sexual urges. He has to desire you and tell you he does. Soft kisses and hugs outside bedroom will slowly get you both back on a sensual path. You need a gentle push to get you in the mood after a long day and it is important to communicate this to each other before too many months go by and you are living in a platonic relationship.

Does your husband want sex regularly or has he also lost interest? If he is too aggressive this can turn you off or if he is not pursuing an intimate relationship with you, this could be why you don’t feel as sexual these days.

Sometimes women don’t see that, and think it is always just their problem. It usually is a two way street, because both people are too busy to make sex a priority. Sex can be the biggest deal breaker in a relationship so it is imperative to get a handle on it ASAP. (Never give each other an excuse to go out and find it somewhere else.)

Making yourself feel sexy with lingerie, a little makeup or having  a pedicure can help put a spring back in your step. When you look good you really do feel good. Make an effort on a daily basis to spruce yourself up. It takes 10 sec to apply lipstick or brush your hair into a nice style. ❤

Have sex once per week to start out. No excuses! You both need to make this happen regardless of how busy you are. Date nights are important! It doesn’t have to be a 2 hour session; sometimes 20 minutes of intimacy is all you need to feel close again.

Put any social life on hold until you get the sex back in your relationship. Sometimes all it takes is a few romantic orgasmic sessions to get you back to being the tigress you once were!

Let me know you make out…literally.

xo Sybersue

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