It seems that men and women cannot get past the first 3 dates due to the mixed signals they are receiving.
What is going on & why has this changed so much over the years?
1. Insecurities and past hurts are keeping people from having normalcy in their relationships.
2. Everyone gets their rule book out and if their date doesn’t pass all the tests early on, they are deleted from their phones, apps or social media. NEXT!
3. The effort is not put forth anymore to really get to know someone and accept some of their imperfections.
4. Online dating & available Apps are making people move on quicker & allowing them to be more particular because of the big roster of “next conquests” available on these sites. They get an “I can do better” attitude.
In the beginning, when getting to know a potential partner, respect & communication should be the priority before sex & intimacy rule your loins.
Being sexually compatible is important and many people do not want to waste their time if the chemistry isn’t there between the sheets. Sex is now expected to happen immediately and even on the first date!
Intimacy changes everything for most woman and new expectations come into play when she gives herself to someone. Sex too soon can end up being a big problem so tread lightly with how quickly you both rip your clothes off.
Playing games every other week or playing hard to get, will usually end up being the demise of the partnership when the other half gets tired of this obvious agenda.
One of the most common “Mixed Signals” comes in the form of one person pushing the relationship way too fast in the beginning. Then a month or two later they sabotage it because they freak themselves out due to how fast it is moving!
This is a very common scenario especially if sex was introduced too quickly. Don’t let someone dictate this speedy scenario. Hold back! You don’t know them and they could be in an addictive dating pattern with no intention of being in a committed relationship.
There is an old expression that when someone comes in too fast to the relationship, they usually go out, just as fast!
By being aware of the type of person you are attracting; is the key to finding a long lasting love. Constantly choosing people who are unavailable or who are commitment phobic, could be because you are not ready yourself.
Another mistake some people make is by needing their friend’s of family’s approval. It is always best to make your own assumptions by listening to your intuition not someone else. Some of your friends could be jealous of your new love and say things to sabotage it.
Dating later in life can also be difficult as you may be less tolerant.
You could be set in your ways and become too picky or judgemental. If your space feels threatened it may make you pull back. This also sends out mixed signals!
The older we get the more heartbreak scars we have in our tainted memories, so be careful of meeting someone fresh out of a broken relationship. This is never a good idea.
There is a reason why you hurt after a break-up & you are supposed to take time to heal and reflect on what transpired. How can you possibly be whole? You are just taking your emotional baggage into the next relationship even if you don’t think you are.
Galloping on the next horse is not always a good ride; it’s just a different one.
Ask your date what they are looking for. Don’t be afraid to find out early; it may be the opposite of where you see yourself and you can discuss that with them. Diplomacy should always be used and a leave the long checklist at home.
Body language gives away many answers if you are paying attention; which is what dating is all about.
1. Listen clearly to what they say. If they say they don’t want to be in a committed relationship and that is important to you, move on. They have told you honestly; don’t think you will be the one to change their mind!
2. If they are playing a game or playing hard to get, you really don’t want to waste time trying to figure that out. Relationships don’t have to be that difficult. People make it harder because they try to change each other rather than “listen” to who their date really is.
3. Don’t get caught up in a “cat and mouse” game. Learn early on whether it is worth pursuing. If they are only texting twice a week or keeping you at arms reach, they are not interested.
4. Learn to really listen to what they are saying and not only what you want to hear.
5. People give themselves away early on so it is wise to read between the lines, listen to your gut and not ignore the red flags!
6. Don’t let their hotness overrule your values & morals by allowing things that you would normally move on from. Looks really aren’t everything long term; there is so much more to a person than that.
7. Do not allow yourself to become their last minute date or late night booty call! Respect yourself first & others will respect you too.
The more you get on the treadmill of dating people who send out mixed signals, the more you will lose your trust in having a partnership.
It always is wise to take some time away from dating if there is a negative pattern developing. Don’t let someone come in and mess with your heart or your head.
Your instincts are your guide; never ignore their value! They will always lead you in the right direction.
Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show