Breakup Etiquette: Is there ever a good way to dump someone or get dumped?

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There are ways of respectfully ending a relationship but many people do not want to deal with any conflict or confrontation so they take the coward’s way out!

The reason so many men and women have a tough time getting over a breakup is due to the way it is handled.  When someone blindsides their partner with an abrupt goodbye, it does not allow them to have proper closure or understand why they were left high and dry with only so much as a “one line text” breakup message!

This is becoming quite common in new relationships in the millennium. The main reason being; texting, Instagram, Facebook & other online resources has become the form of all communication! It’s easier to hide behind social media technology than having to deal with human etiquette the old fashioned way.

It is scenarios like this that make so many people angry as the dating years wear on. The lack of diplomacy & human respect involved when another breakup occurs, is very deflating and becomes forever ingrained in a person’s self worth. 

Regardless of who ends the relationship, you should have the balls to be honest about why you need to move on. Don’t leave them guessing!

It is better to know why someone has fallen out of love with you; so you can see if there is something you may need to work on for the next potential relationship or a red flag you ignored that maybe should have been addressed early on. It may have nothing at all to do with you and it could be that they are just not meant to be in your life.

Breakup honesty can be brutal sometimes, but at least you know why they ended things and you don’t have to spend the next few years trying to figure it out.  

If you are the one who has decided to end the partnership, do not do it over the phone, in an E-mail or Text message. If it was just one or two dates, a phone call might be acceptable if it is done in a classy way, but text messages are still disrespectful and very dismissive.

Don’t become obsessed with trying to win them back by contacting them so much that you come across like a stalker or bunny boiler. It is over, don’t prolong the agony. Move on with class and let them go. As sad as it is, you can’t make someone love you. Make room for the next person to come in that does love you.

What should you do if you are no longer happy in your relationship?

  • Do not settle or stay in a relationship because you are afraid to leave or don’t want to hurt them.
  • Don’t give them false hope for the future because of your own fears of being alone.
  • Telling them you “need a break” so you can gradually breakup with them is selfish and takes time away from them finding a fulfilling relationship that is “real!”
  • Do not save them for a rainy day until you find someone better. This is really bad karma and sure to bite you in the ass down the road!
  • As difficult as it may be to have the talk with your partner, you owe it to them to be honest about your feelings. Always put the shoe on the other foot about how you would want it handled.

When you do have the courage to end your relationship, please don’t expect to be friends right away!

You just came from an intimate relationship with them and having them see you with a happy new spring in your step is hurtful for the one who got left behind. No one is that mature or strong in the initial stages, regardless of how they project themselves.

Many women have written to me complaining that there was absolutely no contact after their boyfriend broke up with them.  Ladies as hard as that is, they are actually doing you a favor. Do you want to see how well they have moved on without you? That’s just more punishment that adds to your non-stop pounding heartache.

When someone tells you they don’t want to be with you anymore because they have lost feelings for you; what more do you need to know? Of course it still hurts like a bitch but there really isn’t anything they can say to make you feel better. There is nothing more deflating than hearing them tell you that they don’t love you over and over again because you keep asking for clarity.

How Should you Handle the Breakup & Maintain Your Self Respect?

  • Do not give your Ex constant power or disrespect yourself by calling them with tearful messages or texting them 5 times a day.
  • Be careful how often you talk to your friends about your breakup as it can become way too much drama that people will start to avoid. You need your pals right now but they are not your therapist.
  • You will have really bad days, some worse than others. Know yourself and choose to stay close to home at those times so that your vulnerability doesn’t get you into trouble.
  • Do not drink & dial or drink & text!
  • Stay away from places you used to go together. Find some new places to go which may help you meet new connections as well.
  • Take your Ex off all of your social media immediately! The less you know about them the better and it will help you move on faster not seeing their face on a daily basis.
  • Make fitness a part of your day as often as possible. It is cheap therapy, gets you out of the house and helps you temporarily forget your heartache.
  • A breakup consists of a grieving period and understand you will likely go through the 5 stages of Denial, Anger, Bargaining (What ifs), Depression and Acceptance. This is natural to feel these things and the sooner you do, the sooner you will move on to finding happiness in your new life.

I learned about these 5 stages when my first marriage ended. My ego and heart were  crushed; which is the case in most breakups. My Ex moved on much quicker than I did which made it even more difficult to get on with my life. I was resentful and very hurt that he could be with someone else so quickly. We were still living in the same house together for a few months and there were awkward female scenarios that occurred during that time frame.

If you have to share a home with your EX initially after a breakup, respect their space and they should respect yours as well.

You have to take some responsibility with the demise of your relationship. I admit I had some messed up childhood insecurities that needed to be worked on and my Ex had a few of his own demons as well. This is probably what drew us together in the first place because we subconsciously thought we could help each other.

Another life lesson, do not try to fix people.

Really try hard not to badmouth your Ex to anyone who will listen.  If they are such a horrible person why were you in the relationship until “they” ended things with you?

There is always a reason why someone came into your life and when you are able to take a closer look at why they were put on your path and truly understand the reasons why; the sooner you will move on and learn to say goodbye but also appreciate what they brought to your life at the time.

Often it is something we needed to learn about ourselves…

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Lifestyle Talk Show

 

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