Online Blab Conversations with Host Andrea Hill & Guest Dear Sybersue (Love Talks with Andrea Hill)
Our topic is on Women & Dating, posing the question, ‘ How women’s roles have changed, or have they?’ in the world of dating.
I think so many things have changed in the world of dating! It’s scary for a lot of people out there especially men and women who are coming from a long term relationship! Women are far more assertive now because they have to stand out to get noticed in this very competitive dating market.
That can be a good thing and bad thing depending on HOW aggressive she is. Men still want to be men and sometimes they feel like women are wearing the pants in a relationship. For the most part men still want to bring home the buffalo as they did back from the beginning of time.
They want to feel needed and helpful. If a woman can do everything herself many guys feel unimportant in her life. Women may dislike me for saying this but I think we need to remember that men want to be the masculine one in the room and sometimes we can forget that, if we have had to be independent for much of our lives. It took me a long time to get that, being a single mom for 18 years where I had to do everything.
But guess what? I’ve changed! I love that my husband grabs the groceries from my hands, helps me open that pickle jar, opens my doors and puts on his tool belt to fix the washing machine! Hello! Makes my life so much easier and it makes him feel good to be appreciated! It’s a win/win! Hey I got the power of the Uterus so he should be able to have something to offer me too!
We’ll kick things off talking about how dating has changed, and how that has affected the romantic relationship, courtship or rules/roles while dating.
Most people meet online now which is intimidating for non-techies and scary for many women who fear that the Internet is not a safe way to date. The days of meeting in a social setting are becoming less and less, which forces everyone into using social media platforms or be left behind in the dating arena. I know many women in their late 30’s/40’s who have just given up because they feel the online dating sites are only about hooking up for sex and the guys are not there to find a serious relationship!
Courtship & Romance is still there for some new couples but I think that only happens if the women are not overly available or needy in the beginning. I am not saying that she should play games with the guy but she shouldn’t be waiting by her phone with bated breath or texting him 24/7! Many Women are so anxious to be in a commitment that they sometimes lose sight of their own lives, making it all about the new guy. That puts too much pressure on him too quickly which can be a huge turnoff.
I always tell women to leave a little mystery, making him want to get to know more about them. Too much information (TMI) is not a good thing either! Don’t tell him all your flaws to get it out of the way. That is a sure way to send him in the opposite direction. Why do women want to do this? Keep the checklist questions to a minimum too! ( That goes for guys too! I actually had one guy take out his list and plunk it down on the table!) Seriously, no one wants to feel like they are on a job interview! Take your time to get to know them and for God’s sake listen to your red flag instincts! They nag at you for a reason!
Have women’s roles changed, and if so, how do you gracefully navigate your way in this new/evolving position?
Yes women’s roles have changed a fair bit over the last 60 years but even more so in the last 30. Women have become power houses in many ways; careers, politics, sports. Etc. Some men have a problem with women who are driven and who are financially successful. They are confused as to what their role is anymore. Some even feel emasculated by this! (I actually think there will come a time when the word “role” will become obsolete and maybe then we can all relax with who we are supposed to be and just be allowed to be ourselves!)
I think the best way to navigate our way through this is by not trying to be competitive or controlling with them all the time. Both sexes need to appreciate and understand what each sex brings to the table and not try to fix it to fit their needs. I wouldn’t want to date someone exactly like me! I like a strong man who is comfortable in his own skin. I’m not there to berate his masculinity; I embrace it!
What do you find are women’s biggest challenges in dating and relationships now? And why?
The biggest challenge is the lack of communication on a natural level away from the computer. Both sexes are forgetting how to talk to each other face to face. It’s easy to say things behind a laptop screen and people are not always authentic with who they are because they don’t have to be! There is a new awkwardness talking to someone in person that was never this bad before. It’s not a good thing at all.
I also think that both men and women have become lazy when it comes to dating and would rather find an excuse as to why they shouldn’t try and make the effort. They are either tired of repetitive one date scenarios, not getting anyone interesting contacting them, attracting non-commit
I can’t tell you how often I hear the line: “There are no single guys in Vancouver!” “Dating sucks” ” I give up!” This is a defeatist attitude and sabotages any chance of meeting someone due to the negative energy they are omitting. We all know that being negative attracts more of the same towards you. (Hmmm…maybe some people really don’t know this!)
Do those challenges change as you age/mature? Let’s talk about age. Who’s dating who, when and is there such a thing as inappropriate; much older men with younger women, older women with much younger men, the mystery of the 40’s and how to stay grounded through it all.
I think people are more accepting of age difference in relationships now. Of course there are still the sexist remarks about women being titled as a Cougar when she dates a younger man and guys don’t seem to have a title attached them when they date younger women. There is also still the stereotyping of women who sleep with a guy right away that she is a slut, even though many guys are demanding this quickly from women. (Ladies be very particular how soon you let someone into your bed if you want to have a committed partnership.)
I think we are all more grounded as we mature but sometimes we can become jaded about what didn’t happen in our lives! This will repel people away from us when we play the victim role and don’t learn or own some of our mistakes in life. Older women who date much younger men know what they like sexually; they know what is important to them and what small things aren’t worth putting energy into. Many of these woman can have sex without having to have a commitment because quite often they just want an uncomplicated friend with benefits understanding.
What are the best ways for women to feel empowered in their dating and romantic lives? How can they be successful in their dating life and what their focus should be and why.
Change your focus to believing you deserve a great relationship and have faith that it will happen for you. Keep yourself busy but available to get out and attend sporting events, socials, and other meet up scenarios. Don’t talk negatively about what isn’t happening for you. Be fun to be around!
Don’t lose yourself by being someone you’re not! It is always great to compromise in a relationship but never give away a big part of your soul just to be with someone because you are lonely. When you are happy with yourself and who you are, men will take notice of your confidence.
Don’t hang around with Debbie downers that are constantly whining about what isn’t working in their life. Remember the old cliché “guilty by association!” Open your circle of friends up to allow more diversity in your social life and activities.
Never settle for someone because of your age or due to loneliness. There is someone for everyone and love doesn’t understand or care what birthday you are having. Be kind to everyone you come in contact with because you never know who is watching.