Things are going along great in your relationship and then you get blindsided by your partner saying things are over and using the cheesy line “it’s not you it’s me!” What the F?
You have invested almost 2 years together and without any warning you get the dreaded meeting with your partner. You feel it in your gut that something is wrong, something feels different and your heart starts to thump loudly in your chest like it is ready to explode!
The phone call beforehand is the first clue and the tone of their voice clearly states something is off.
In today’s world of technology I guess we should be thankful when someone takes the time to break our heart in person rather than text us the news, but it’s never a good thing when it is not a reciprocated decision!
Seriously though; “it’s not you it’s me!” Really? That’s the big send off after 2 years? That’s all they’ve got?
Is this line supposed to make the person being dumped feel better because their partner is putting the blame on themselves? Well maybe there is some truth to this because they are the ones missing out on having you in their life so wouldn’t that make sense that they are the problem?
Or at least that would be nice to believe, when you are hurting and wanting the pain to go away.
It’s their loss right? So why does it feel the opposite?
Our egos are very powerful and do not take rejection lightly! There are emotions and feelings attached to it as well which makes it even harder to just move on without showing any resentment or hurt. (Some people are pretty good at faking it though and seem to move on so fast; but rest assured that no one goes unscathed during any kind of break up!)
Remember that, when you are sitting at home in tears looking at old photos of your past relationship moments! Their turn will come in one way or another, especially if they end up in a new relationship right away! Taking unhealthy emotions into a new partnership when you haven’t spent time healing, will only cause repetitive patterns to emerge.
Denial can be a long life lesson. It is better to grieve a lost love than to pretend it meant nothing to you.
You were in each other’s lives for a reason and something good came out it in one way or another; it just may take some time to see that while you are picking up the pieces of your broken heart.
If someone says it’s not you, believe them! Regardless of the reason your partnership has ended, you cannot make someone love you and that is the saddest part when you still have a strong love for them. You are in shock and reeling from the wounds of their final words!
If you take time to think about it and you are really being honest with yourself; did you not see some things had changed within your relationship in the past few months? There are usually a few signs that show up but most of us would rather ignore them or chalk it up to our partner being in a bad mood or that they had a hard day at the office. “They’ll get over it.”
It is always a good idea to pay close attention to your partner and anything that seems a little out of sorts with them.
Body language is a big give away and listening to what they say or don’t say is also important. When things are not right in a relationship, there are hints in one way or another.
Being aware of subtle changes within your daily routine together will keep you conscious and mindful of your partner’s feelings and any emotional shifting that may occur.
10 reasons why they may say “it’s not you, it’s me!”
- They don’t have the same future goals as you.
- He/she feels like their partner is holding them back from something they want to achieve.
- They are not ready to take the next step into marriage and know that you want that.
- You are opposites and after two years it’s taking a toll on your partnership doing separate things or having to do things that neither person is really interested in doing.
- Different sexual appetites!
- There isn’t any intellectual stimulation and you have little to talk about.
- The relationship has become stale and complacent!
- They say “it’s not you it’s me” to lighten the pain for their partner by taking the blame because they know it is not a reciprocated breakup!
- They don’t feel the same love connection anymore.
- They don’t want to hurt you with the real reasons the relationship has come to an end.
For you to move on in a healthy way ask them the “real reasons” behind the demise of your partnership. You need closure and not a bunch of unanswered questions as to what really transpired for them to leave your relationship.
This will help you in the future with regards to what may have been missing or what needs to be worked within yourself so that there isn’t a repetitive pattern down the road.
It is always hard to hear things about ourselves without becoming emotionally defensive but in the long run it really is for our own betterment so we can find a loving long term partner to be happy with.
No relationship is a waste of time because the lessons are always there when we open our eyes to see them.
Being in denial and not learning how we were a part of the equation will just keep us treading water in the deep end. I don’t know about you but I don’t like swimming in deep water ~ there’s one Hell of a lot of sharks out there!
Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Advice Talk Show