It’s Time to Get a Brazilian when your Pubic Hair Turns Grey & Other Fun Stuff!
It is hard enough getting older without having pre-mature grey hair to go with it! I am not just talking about the hair on your head. My Gay stylist and I had a very playful friendship and when I asked him to “match the carpet to the drapes”: He jokingly declared, “I’m not touching that thing!” OK, maybe he wasn’t joking!
It can be a little dangerous to try dying it yourself but many men (yes, men) and women add this ritual to their monthly coiffing routine and no one is the wiser that their head & pubic hair color are not natural. I suggest that you read the instructions first and maybe do a test patch beforehand in case it turns a lovely shade of cotton candy pink the night before you go on that hot date you planned to look good for. (My girlfriend dyed her husband’s hair one day without reading the directions and the poor guy looked like he had a blue SOS pad on his head for 2 weeks!)
Thankfully many waxing salons offer this procedure and even have some accessories to add to your new color as well. The waxbar in Vancouver (Las Vegas and numerous other locations) has many jewel varieties to “Bling Your Thing’ for a reasonable price. It is fun to surprise your lover and it also makes a great Valentine’s Day Gift! You could even do a couples day at the salon!! Hey guys there is even a “Back, Crack and Sack” package to prepare you for that Hawaii vacation.
Pubic hair dying is not usually a high maintenance procedure depending on re-growth, but many women and men are opting for the Brazilian/Boyzilian Bikini wax. (Hmmm do we get roots on our privates?) First timers may want to watch a video before they set up an appointment for one of these waxing procedures but be forewarned you may freak out a little and be tempted to cancel your appointment! I have watched a few infomercials showing these hairy people calmly smiling while getting their hair ripped out in clumps and I swear they must be hooked up to an intervenes bag of Valium.
I usually have a high pain threshold but for some reason it’s not there in the hair removal department. I scream like a little bitch which is why I have not had the entire landing strip removal package because I almost passed out just when I had my inner thigh waxed! Of course there is always the option of laser hair removal which can take a toll on your wallet but it is more permanent and low maintenance! Let’s be realistic here: No one ever really gets used to the having his or her genitals or butt crack waxed! Let’s not forget to mention the latest discussions regarding regular salon visits for anal bleaching! I know right!
Here are a few reasons why should you think about cleaning the cobwebs from your triangle zones:
- Excess hair makes a person perspire more, so if you want to smell sweeter think about some form hair removal or do a little clear cutting in the forest.
- You look better in a bikini or speedo because you don’t have excess hair creeping out the top or the sides of your suit. Also ladies, you might be able to fit into a smaller size after a little pruning as well.
- It is now considered sexual etiquette to trim down there; unless you or your date has a “pubic hair fetish” which is more common than many people realize! (Personally the Sasquatch look just doesn’t do it for me but to each his own.
- I think we all know how hygiene can affect oral sex so I will just leave it at that!
Other maintenance tips for men and women who are 35 and older:
- Buy a Satin pillowcase. Cotton wrinkles, and causes morning face creases! As you age, these take longer and longer to go away. Going to the office meeting with a 300-thread count label embedded into your cheek, is not fashionable.
- Same goes for eyeshades, be careful how tight and what material they are made of. Having the nickname “bandit” or “raccoon” is not a compliment!
- Weight training! This is one of the best skin tighteners out there! Ladies, it can give you cleavage even if you are only an A cup, I am proof of how muscle gives the illusion that you actually have boobs! This is amazing for those double E+ women as it keeps the girls up a little higher by not allowing the pectoral muscle & ligaments to become too slack or atrophied!
- This also applies to men!! No guy wants man-boobs but go easy on the weight amount as no girl wants a guy with bigger boobs than her!
- Loofa everything! Skin looks old when it is dry!
- Invest in “Crest white strips” or better yet, have your teeth professionally whitened! For the $$200-$300 it may cost you, it is worth ten times that much. (Hands/feet and teeth are age give-aways.)
- 30-40 minutes of interval paced cardio 4-5 times per week will help keep you in a good weight zone and if you can work up a sweat, your skin will thank you. It is a natural exfoliater and skin softener.
- Warm Yoga classes and infrared saunas help detoxify your body.
- Keep your mind sharp! Read regularly, learn new things, challenge your brain constantly, and get out and enjoy nature! These things all keep you focused and appreciative of life at every age.
- Diversity is the key to staying young! Change up your routine and don’t become stuck or boring. Being Anal Retentive will not get you laid.
These tips are cost effective and less invasive than cosmetic surgery. Some people do not want to be bothered with taking care of themselves and just give up, but I say fight it all the way! We have all heard the cliché;“You are as old as you feel” but I would also like to add; “You are as old as you look!” Yes, taking care of ourselves is not always an easy task and it does involve a bit of maintenance with each approaching birthday, but why wouldn’t you always want to look and feel great? So it may take a 30-60 minutes out of your day, is that so bad?
Attitude is huge when it comes to how your life unfolds and the more you live it to the fullest, the more exciting it becomes. Every decade has a story to tell but it is how you live each chapter that will make your time here on earth a great experience and conversation for you & your grandchildren to talk about. Don’t ever give in to age; take charge and gratefully own who you are. Never stop having fun and never stop growing as a person.
So get out there and bling your thing, coif your jewels, and exfoliate a few years off your old fashioned thinking to enjoy a refreshed outlook in all things after 35. It’s a great place to be, it’s not that much work and it’s a Hell of a lot of fun!
Susan McCord ~ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show