The Love Channel Interview with Pamela Cummins
Topic: “Acceptance of your Mate”
1) Pamela’s Question: What is causing the divorce rate to be so high and are we giving up too soon due to unrealistic expectations?
The divorce rate is high because people do not have to stay where they are not happy anymore. Divorce was severely shunned on back in the day. Women were expected to stay home and very few ladies had a career; therefore they were reliant on their husband’s finances regardless of how the relationship was progressing. They had no place to go if they were unhappy so many women made the best of their situation. Things have changed and women have more choices today which has changed the wifely duties of the past.
In answer to part 2 of your question; yes, I think there is truth to the fact that some people are giving up on their relationships too soon. They think the grass is greener on the other side when things aren’t perfect at home and the unrealistic checklists that many men and women have today are the big problem with this scenario. They want it all and their expectations are way over the top. They just take the same thing into their next relationship because they don’t understand they are the one that needs to change their behavior.
On the other side of the coin, I think there are just as many people who do everything they can to try to keep their marriages together. There are also many more men willing to go to counselling now than in the past where it was predominantly women seeking outside help. Men were always told to keep their emotions “in check” but today things are different and the old school mentality is changing. Contrary to what many women think, they are a great number of guys who believe in marriage/commitment and want a loving partner to come home to every night.
2) Pamela’s Question: Why do so many men & women constantly complain about each other today?
I think there are a lot of men and women that very unhappy with themselves and where they are in their lives right now. There is a lot more financial pressure on people today. They feel beaten up trying to pay astronomical rents, buy a house, pay for expensive University fees and just dealing with the lack of people to people contact in today’s “hide behind the computer” world! They find the smallest reasons to sabotage any chance at a relationship because their self esteem needs some love and attention. They start to become pessimistic because everything is a fight to make happen. (Unless of course they have family support or they are a trust fund kid.) When people are always complaining or saying negative things, they are generally not happy with who they are! They point fingers at other people to avoid pointing it at themselves.
People give up too easily and blame everyone around them when things don’t work out! The big problem is; the more they chose to be a negative person the longer they will be single, because no one wants to listen to the constant bantering of why they can’t meet someone! Painting each sex with the same negative brush will not get you closer to meeting someone of substance because you are repelling your chance of happiness right back out into the black wall of loneliness. We all need to look in the mirror and own our crap.
Both sexes are in denial these days because we are all so much pickier and judgmental than we have ever been. One quick swipe on the tinder app we are onto the next person without taking the time to see anything else about who they might be. Looks are everything these days!
3) Pamela’s Question: What does acceptance really entail in a relationship?
You love them for who they are in all capacities ~ even their quirks. You get excited for them when they accomplish their goals. You are happy to be by their side and show your support even at boring business dinners or cheer them on at whatever they are doing. You encourage them at every step and want them to be even more of who they are. You don’t try to squash them. This must be a reciprocated acceptance for the longevity of a healthy and loving relationship.
4) Pamela’s Question: How do we keep appreciating each other as the years go by and how do we deal with those little things that are starting to annoy us?
You must work hard to keep your relationship fresh and not allow the small things to take over your relationship! When you respect each other and remember the good things in your partnership; this will always outweigh the little aggravations that nip at you annoyingly.
- Start each day on a positive note. Say something nice to one another every day.
- Leave thoughtful notes or texts throughout the day.
- Have one hobby or sport you do separately from each other to have time away by yourself which will give you time to miss each other. When you are always in each other’s face it can be too much sometimes.
- Communicate! The little things build up because we are not listening to our partners!! Don’t ignore them.
- Respect your partner & your surroundings. Pick your wet towels & dirty laundry up from the floor, don’t dry your underwear on the shower rail for days on end, don’t put the milk back in the fridge empty and always replace the toilet paper roll! You must have heard of the divorce term “Irreconcilable Differences? For the most part they are repetitive things that keep happening in your relationship. Just because you have been together for a long time is not a reason to stop being a good roommate. If you started slacking off at work you could get fired; same thing at home!
5) Pamela’s Question: What are some great ways to remind ourselves of how special our partner is even when we are very frustrated with them?
Look at some old photos of happy times together or take an evening away from them to reflect about the good things in your relationship. Watch other couples interact and remind yourself how lucky you are. Keep a little diary of all the special things you have shared and re-read it every so often. Memories are a wonderful tool to help remind you of the reason you & your partner chose to be together. Never let the frustration get too big without talking to them about it. Some couples break up with one person never knowing what the Hell happened! I cannot stress it enough how important it is to communicate before it’s too late to salvage your partnership.
6) Pamela’s Question: When do we know that something is not acceptable anymore and is causing us to put our own life on a lower priority?
It’s a good thing to put your partner first but not at a huge expense of your own happiness. It must be reciprocated for the relationship to keep growing or it will become very unbalanced. If one person is doing all the compromising it is not a loving partnership, it is a selfish one. When something is too easy many people get bored and move on to something else. If you are a constant doormat and doing everything for your significant other and putting your own needs on hold, you will never get the respect you are looking for with them. Little challenges in life are what keep us motivated but when it is too available we take it for granted.
7) Pamela’s Question: How do we know that we are in a healthy relationship?
Because when you are in a great relationship it isn’t a lot of work and very little drama occurs. It flows. To make a partnership work, acceptance and appreciation of each other’s choices must be discussed with compromises in place. It is not about just loving them regardless of how they live their life. It is a partnership that brings love and respect on an equal footing. There is no sarcasm, no jealousy, no snarky or abusive comments and you’re excited to be together regardless of how many years have gone by. It just feels right and there aren’t any questions.