Many men & women who have written my advice column are complaining about the obvious checklists people have when they are out on a date. They feel that it is much more like an interview than a casual encounter! This is a huge turnoff and comes across clinical. Men say that women have a longer list which is much more specific than a man’s but still don’t know what they really want at the end of the day.
Women feel that a man’s checklist resembles something like this:
Must like sex 7 days a week.
Have a nice body.
Must like watching Sports and be OK with his regular boys night out!
Be willing to try new things regardless of what it is.
She must be a good cook & love being in the kitchen.
Why Do Women Seem to Have More On Their Dating Checklists?
Women tend to be less trusting than men on the first few dates and want to know everything they can about a possible life partner; they want to cover all their options. Unfortunately some women don’t realize how this comes across and the men feel like they are on trial with this obvious checklist put in front of them. While it is important to ask questions and open the communication lines; both sexes need to slow down & enjoy the moment, not interrogate each other. There are many guys now that also have these checklists and it makes the first few dates very awkward. First impressions are everything so why would you want someone to think you are bringing out your rule book questionnaire and checking off the boxes with each tedious question?
Online dating now has this quick elimination process with both sexes almost looking for flaws & sabotaging any first meeting at all. People are quick to read the dating profiles with a harsh judgment and if one thing isn’t exactly what they are looking for they are onto the next person. This is one of the reasons so many people are lonely today! They don’t give anyone a chance and if they do make it to the first date it is often quickly decided that their date doesn’t meet all the checklist requirements! Who have we become? Are we looking for a clone of ourselves? How boring would that be!
One of my YouTube subscribers feels that everyone should go on a minimum of two dates with each person. He feels that if you have a great verbal connection, there is something worth exploring. He gets really frustrated with the checklist that many women seem to have. Are we being too picky due to the fact that there is always another person waiting on our dating site and so we always think we can do better with the next one?
It is said that there are no coincidences & that each person we come in contact with is there for a purpose. If that is the case, why don’t we acknowledge each encounter as a life lesson? Regardless of how small the message may be, there will always be something to learn from it. People are so quick to judge & make assumptions without giving others a second look. Someone could be dealing with some personal issues that happened that day or had some bad news before the date and may not be themselves. They could be new at dating & shy with the whole process. Everyone has something to offer and there is someone for everyone. We need to slow down & pay attention to a persons attributes and not spending our time looking for their flaws.
What Should Our Checklist Priorities Look Like?
Character ~ Kind, loving, thoughtful, loyal.
Compatibility ~ common interests, enjoy the same sports, want to travel or happy to stay home.
Attraction ~ mental, physical & sexual (Notice how I put mental attraction first.)
Communication ~ can you talk openly to each other? Are you emotionally connected?
Personality ~ Do they make you laugh, make you a priority, make you think, add to your life?
Career ~ you mutually respect & encourage each others choices.
Parenting ~ both be equally on board with either wanting children, stepchildren or not having children.
Religious beliefs ~ this is a big problem in some relationships.
Location & Living Arrangements ~ Is it important where you live? Close to Family or loved ones?
Of course this list is generalized and each person should categorize their checklist to what works best for them. Children or Religion may be higher on your list. Prioritizing money or looks on the first line may get you the odd date but ultimately is a shallow approach to long term happiness. Be realistic when preparing your checklist, whether it is mentally accumulated or in written form. Look in the mirror and really see yourself for who you are & how you want others to see you as well. No one is perfect & we have to start giving others a chance without negative judgment. As I said earlier, there is a reason they are in your life, no matter how brief the moment, embrace it.
Susan McCord @ http://www.youtube.com/c/susanmccord