Why is Dating & Having a Relationship so Damn Hard?

roses of love

Regardless of how much stress is going on around the world, the one topic that still comes up and is regularly discussed is; love, relationships and dating!  (Or “lack of all three” in many cases.)  Finding love is not easy these days with the demise of face to face contact.  People are far too busy to take the time to get out and meet others the old fashioned way.  I even find myself spending a lot of alone time on my computer and have to force myself out during the day so I don’t forget how to use my voice and mingle with real people.  It’s not all about work!

There are many of us that have numerous social media friends that we have never met in person but we talk to on a daily basis. Times have changed and we are more cyber connected than ever! Having a friendship and business connections with a profile photo with no actual physical contact is quite normal. It is quite strange when you think about it!  It’s not unlike the old “pen pal” relationships from our parent’s days, except they were actually written with a pen and paper and mailed out with a stamp! (Those are three words that are slowly becoming obsolete!)

Why are we letting go of the simple pleasures of life and not embracing human connection?

I just started writing for a local website in Kitsilano, Vancouver that is all about connecting the neighborhood together. If everyone did this in their cities it would bring back that lost intimate or friendly association of meeting someone in the flesh. Technology has made us lazy and it is far too easy to have an encounter with our smart phones, iPads, computers & gaming devices than to be rejected in the real world of people.  How sad it that!

Is Fear the big problem here? Why are men and women so unhappy and not “getting out” meeting each other? How can we change that?

Tips for Single Ladies:

The one complaint I hear all the time is there are no men to date! Oh they’re out there ladies! I went to a pub the other night in Vancouver and I was one of the only women there for a good part of the evening ~ with the exception of the two servers. I am also one of the few females on the unisex side of the gym I regularly work out at. I go to a few different coffee shops in the neighborhood where the male customers outnumber the females by 5-1! Often when I go to the driving range at golf courses in the city I am surrounded my men and only a few women. I can’t even count how many guys that were at home depot when I went to buy my husband a power drill for Christmas!  (Hey that’s what he wanted lol!)

There are some great men out there who only need the encouragement of a smile! It’s not a bad thing to be the first to acknowledge “them” ladies. Times have changed and many guys do not know what they are supposed to do anymore. A little nudge is OK girls and it should not be beneath you to reach out once in awhile. Keep your expectations to a minimum and just enjoy a conversation without initial judgment. You don’t have to date every guy you talk to but it shows that you are open and friendly which is a good reputation to have! There are a lot of nice guys out there but if you keep going for the “hot bad boys” or giving up dating due to negative experiences, you will repeat heartache and loneliness forever.

Tips for Single Men:

Where are all the single ladies?  Generally speaking, many women venture out to restaurants with female friends in the evening & walks, yoga/fitness and brunch on the weekends to get out of their homes.  They think that they look desperate if they go to a bar all the time.  They also go to the theater and shopping areas.  It can be difficult to approach them if they are in a group but even just smiling and saying good afternoon/evening can open the door to conversation.

Not all women are materialistic and are out for a man’s wallet.  It’s not difficult to separate the high maintenance girls from the nice girls just by watching their actions for a few minutes.  If you continue to go for “the perfect 10” all the time and get similar non-existent results, it is you that needs to change this pattern.  Why are you attracted to this type of woman anyway and how is it working for you?

Receptive women will be happy to receive a friendly smile from a man at any restaurant, sporting event or function she attends. Don’t let one bad encounter spoil you from meeting someone great. Many guys take that one bad experience and hold onto it, which maintains their constant unavailability with the ladies. Women are not all the same just as men are not all the same.

Both sexes are so quick to point fingers at each other.  Stop it!

Tips for both sexes:

If you do feel rejected once in awhile, don’t give up and let it dictate how you act for the rest of your dating life. It is their loss and will only move you into a better direction anyway. They did you a favor so that you don’t have to waste your time with the wrong person. Try not to sabotage your future happiness because you are afraid to get hurt or to get turned down. Don’t let it tarnish your attitude so that you become another jaded single person! Stand out from the others who do this and “own your part” in why dating might not be working for you at this time. It isn’t always the other persons fault.

Lose those “set rules” you have had in the past and try something new and out of your dating comfort zone. If something isn’t working, repeating it or becoming a hermit is not the answer. You want a partner to share your life with and everyone deserves love. Dating doesn’t have to be so damn hard if you change your thinking and reactions.

People are so defensive these days and quick to become bitter in the dating world. Look at each experience as a stepping stone and treat each date as an education ~ by learning something new each time! Harboring on what didn’t happen or the fact that there wasn’t any chemistry; is no one’s fault. Not taking it personally and staying optimistic, will eventually lead you to that special person.

Attitude is everything.

Susan McCord @ http://www.youtube.com/twobeavers

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