Dear Sybersue; I have been in an “On and Off” Long Distance Relationship with my guy.

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Life’s Sunsets

Dear Sybersue;

I have been in an “On and Off” Long Distance Relationship with my guy but I think “the sun may have set” for the last time & it is really over now.

My boyfriend Jared and I have broken up 3 or 4 times each time lasting from only a few hours to a few days, with the exception of this last break which has lasted for over 3 weeks with no contact. He lives 3 hours away from me but we still managed to stay together by compromising and meeting halfway for the past 18 months. Jared is my very first love and I am also his first love.

Before we met, he was the type of guy who just didn’t settle down with one woman! He hooked up with many girls but never really knew what a relationship was. I was the first women he committed to.  He says I taught him many things about love even though our relationship has always been a bumpy ride dealing with lies, mistrust, jealousy, long distance, and both of us cheating on each other.

We both wanted to stay with each other regardless of all the obstacles because we truly did love each other and wanted no one else. The last break up was because he felt like he wanted to be single again. He said that our constant fights were getting to him and that we needed a break, as he did not feel quite the same anymore.  He has a hectic schedule with 2 jobs, his fitness regime; a busy family life and many friends, but has always made time for me at least once a week.

The main reason he wants this breakup is because he is envious of his friends that are in normal relationships without all the problems of a long distance partnership.  He wants to be alone now and he is sorry for everything that went wrong & said he will never love a girl the way he loved me. Maybe I am in denial but I just can’t accept that it is over as we were so perfect together! We were even talking about getting an apartment together but I told him it was best that I stay with my family until we had the money. 

Maybe the time apart will do us good so he can figure himself out, grow up a little and maybe we can rekindle our relationship later. What do you think? I am confused as he told me he loved me 4 days ago and now we’re not together anymore. What do you think?

Kim

Dear Kim,

Your first love can be a very confusing time in your life because it is a new emotion you have never dealt with before. It is such a wonderful euphoric feeling that you don’t want to let go of it despite many of the obstacles. Having a long distance relationship is very difficult to maintain due to insecurities a couple often feels while they are apart.This sounds like one of the biggest concerns for him due to the fact that he is envious of couples that do not have a geographical situation. This is could be the reason for your constant fighting.

You mentioned that you both cheated on each other during your 18 months together which is a big red flag that your relationship has issues! You said you were the first girl he committed to, but in reality he has not been committed at all. You have broken up numerous times, you have been sexual with other people, and now he says he wants to be single again. I believe that he loves you but love is not always enough to keep a partnership together. Taking a break is not the answer either because when a relationship is right, you don’t walk away from each other.

You are both young and you are right that he may need time to grow up a bit and find himself. Say goodbye for now but don’t hang on waiting for him to come back. Live your own life without worrying about his “on and off again” feelings, or what may happen with regards to rekindling something with him. If it happens down the road you can make the decision then. Breaking up 3 or 4 times in 18 months is not a healthy relationship and you need to move on so that you stop repeating this ongoing drama you have with him.

Everyone comes into your life for a reason but it is important to know when their time has expired, so you can guide yourself toward a more suitable partnership that brings you happiness. Relationships can be a bit of a challenge but they shouldn’t be a continual roller coaster ride. Maintaining your self respect should always be adhered to with anyone that enters your life. Be careful that you don’t get addicted to the breakup/makeup highs & lows as it could become a pattern in future relationships.

Thanks for writing Kim xo

Sybersue @ http://www.youtube.com/twobeavers

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