Dear Sybersue: My Boyfriend Has Not Told Me He Loves Me After 6 Months

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Dear Sybersue,

I’ve been with my boyfriend for just about 6 months.  He hasn’t said the “L” word at all yet.  We have an amazing relationship and see each other at least 5 times a week. I feel like he is falling in love with me by certain things he does or says but I don’t want to assume anything.

I’m supposed to wait until he says “I Love You” first right? A friend told me that sometimes guys wait until they are with someone at least a year before saying anything. Is that true???

Niki

Dear Niki,

There are so many factors that play a part in the answer to your question.  Six months is the time frame I always tell people to “base the reality of their relationship on” because we can all be on good behavior for 3 or 4 months.

It is what happens after that time frame that becomes the true test of a relationship.  I respect your boyfriend for not blurting out the “L” word too soon as so many guys think they have to say it in the first two months whether it is sincerely meant or not.

Saying that; I personally I think a year is much too long not to hear it if you are in a committed relationship. When two people really LOVE each other it is harder not to say “I Love you” than to say it. 

I have always found it is best if the man leads with saying it first because so many guys get scared off by aggressive women who say it too quickly. Many women become emotionally connected too soon when there is great sex involved and “think” they are in love; when in fact they have fallen in “lust & sexual bliss!”

When men finally say it after an extended period of time, they usually mean it.

In answer to your question Niki, I would be patient a little while longer as he seems like a wonderful guy and is treating you well. After that if you are really concerned about where you stand with him, gently ask him a few questions about his past relationships.

  1. Was he deeply hurt before?
  2. Has he ever been in love? He may have commitment issues or emotional demons.
  3. Was his childhood a happy place?
  4. Does he show love to other people in his life? ~ In other words is he capable of showing that side of himself or is he removed?

If he is a happy guy & comfortable in his own skin, then he is probably just making sure that when he does tell you he loves you, it is the perfect time to do so. If he is affectionate, holds your hand, compliments you often, puts you first and is proud to be with you, he is definitely on the path to saying it soon!

Listen to your intuition in the next few months & watch his body language as well. You don’t want to be the last to know you are “Mrs. Right Now” and he just “really likes you.”Nor do you want to spend 2 years with someone only to find out he is happy being in a “friends with benefits” based scenario.

I strongly disagree with giving a man an ultimatum scenario as you really want him to be with you on his own accord & not forced into a marriage or commitment.

What does your gut really say? Your instincts are seldom wrong & truly are your best guide. Listen carefully.  Most of those wrong decisions we make in our lives is due to ignoring those powerful spidey-senses.

Wishing you much love ❤ & happiness Niki ~ Keep me posted!!

Thanks for writing.

xo Sybersue

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