Dear Sybersue: HELP! My Life is Crazy & My Sex Life Is Diminishing In My Marriage

Dear Sybersue:

I live a very full & pretty decent life. I have two children, a dog and a great partner whom I still love after 10 years. His job is demanding & I work 5 days a week myself. I am also putting in time to develop my own business on the side to help with our heavy mortgage.

Needless to say juggling it all and still having a social schedule is a challenge as I am sure it is for many people out there. (My sex-life is limited & my passion for it is a little depleted due to the lack of physical connection.) Even though everything is going smoothly in my life, I have to admit I feel tired & stressed out all the time these days! I do not take care of myself in the way I should due to time restrictions with work, & the children’s activities. I do not feel nearly as sexy or attractive as I used to in my single days. I don’t have time to be the feminine woman of my past anymore. I don’t even know what a girl’s night out is these days. My friend’s seem to have given up on me because I have so little time for them. I don’t blame them. Every so often I get depressed and do not want to see or talk to anyone which makes it even worse. I feel overwhelmed ~ Any ideas to help??

From The Suburban Housewife


Hi S.H. & thanks for writing,

First of all I truly do suggest that you talk to a professional therapist. The minute there is depression involved, it is the best resource you have to get the best help available. In the meantime this could help as well…

Like many working mothers today, we are all doing too much for everyone else and giving ourselves the leftovers! This pretty much amounts to 15 minutes of quality “Me” time in a 24 hour period. You need to write out a strict weekly schedule that allows time for you to follow religiously. This needs to include at least one hour per day that is solely for you. No one can bother you with anything, no exceptions. Whether it is sitting in a bubble bath, going to a counseling session, a yoga class, having a friend over, or reading a sexy novel, it is all about “YOU” for that time frame. You need to let go of the guilt of not doing something constructive at every moment of your day.

You didn’t say how much your husband helped out around the home? Be honest with yourself and answer truthfully whether you feel there is equality in that respect. If you are both working, you both should be participating 50/50 in your partnership in every area. More often than not, women do take on more in the relationship because they are nurturers from birth. (Thanks to being given the womb!) The kids need to have daily chores or if they are too young, hire a neighborhood kid to walk the dog after you get home from work, or to mow the lawn, or get your groceries. It will be worth the money for the time and stress you save.

Now, how to feel sexy again:
Your man should help out with this one. He has to desire you and tell you he does to get you in the mood after a long day. Does he want sex regularly? If not, this could be why you don’t feel as sexy these days. Sometimes women don’t see that, and think it is always just their problem. It usually is a two way street, because both people are too busy to make sex a priority. Sex can be the biggest deal breaker in a relationship so it is imperative to get a handle on it ASAP. (Never give each other an excuse to go out and find it somewhere else.) Making yourself feel sexy with lingerie, a little makeup or having your hair done can help put a spring back in your step. When you look good you really do feel good. Make an effort on a daily basis to spruce yourself up. It takes 10 sec to apply lipstick.

Have sex once on a weekday and at least once on the weekend. No excuses! You both need to make this happen regardless of how busy you are. Put any social life on hold until you get the sex back as a couple. Sometimes all it takes is a few sessions to get you back to being the tigress you once were!

Let me know you make out…literally.

xo Sybersue


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